Echoes in Time
by knicnort3
Summary: Love is the most powerful force in the universe, and heartbreak is one of the most dangerous. Two hundred years ago a curse was conceived from unrequited love; now, in present time, Edward has grown cynical and despondent. Can a certain chocolate eyed stranger finally bring him some solace, or is he doomed to suffer for eternity? AU, No Vamps, B/E
1. Chapter 1

**Echoes in Time **

Description: Love is the most powerful force in the universe, and heartbreak is one of the most dangerous. Two hundred years ago a curse was conceived from unrequited love; now, in present time, Edward has grown cynical and despondent. Can a certain chocolate eyed stranger finally bring him some solace, or is he doomed to suffer for eternity?

Romance, Drama, Mild Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fantasy, Comedy, NO VAMPIRES, AU, E/B, EPOV, HEA

Banner on my profile

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters (obviously).

* * *

Chapter 1

There has always been one thing that mortals feared above all else and yet wished they had more of…_time_. The blessing of watching a child grow soon becomes charred by the scorching inevitability of aging. One day we're too young, and then like the changing of seasons, we've become too old. Time is an antagonist that does not care how virtuous you are or how hard you fight it. It's merciless and unforgiving. Minutes can seem like hours when all you want is for something to be over, and hours can seem to pass within minutes when you wish something would last forever. Every new day is just one more cruel reminder than none of us are ever in complete control, and eventually we will all succumb to time…

Two hundred years ago I was no different than any other eighteen year old of my era. I was young and had my entire life ahead of me; a life that should have ended long ago. Back then I underestimated just how important time was, and for me time became not something to fear, but something to loathe as it seemingly forgot all about me.

How could time just leave me behind? The answer was simple, it couldn't. Something bigger, something darker shadowed me from the natural effects of the world's laps around the sun, and I found myself resenting father time for not being strong enough to battle against it.

To live forever is the ultimate frivolous dream of so many, but without ever experiencing it first hand, one can't possibly understand the torture it entails. To watch your friends and family leave this world to a place you can never reach them, to witness society develop beyond your mental capacity, to be terrified by the latest technology that you were never meant to experience. It was a never-ending cycle of overstimulation and agonizing nothingness.

Whether gone too fast or paused for an eternity, time was no one's friend…especially when you're forced to spend that eternity with a few extremely annoying people.

"So I have a favor to ask of you," Alice said as she flitted into the room.

"What?" I asked warily. Alice's _favors_ usually entailed me wearing some ridiculous outfit or embarking on a painfully boring trek to god only knew where.

"I need you to hang out with me for the day," she said with a sweet grin; I only wished the look in her eyes was as innocent.

"Alice, what are you scheming?"

"Nothing," she said quickly - _too quickly_. "Can't a girl just want to spend some time with her favorite brother without it being a scheme?"

"Not when she starts the conversation with _'I need a favor'_," I pointed out.

"Crap, I shouldn't have said that…Okay, well I do have a friend coming over, and I was sort of hoping you'd hang with us."

"Because?" I led her, knowing there was more.

She sighed before plopping down on the couch beside me, and then she started rambling at a speed that only she could. "Okay, here's the thing. This girl moved to town in the middle of the school year and I sort of took her under my wing, and you know how I start getting premonitions about people after I spend some time with them, well I started getting them about her. I didn't see anything specific, just flashes of things that I don't really understand, but in all of them you were there, so I really think her future is tied to you somehow, and since she's not going away to college this summer like I thought she would be doing, I figured it's a great time to figure out exactly what she means to you…or _will_ mean to you."

I stared at her full of irritation. She knew I didn't associate with people outside our family, so it wasn't even possible that the girl could ever mean anything to me. The visions she had were probably nothing more than the result of her forcing us to spend time together, which I simply didn't have patience for. Unfortunately for me, she knew exactly what to say to get me to agree to it…

"She's friends with Jacob Black."

_Damn it!_ "Fine. When is she coming over?"

"She should be here any time now."

"Great. Can't wait," I said sardonically.

"You're the best brother ever!" she squealed excitedly.

"Sure. Remind me that again in ten minutes when I'm already regretting agreeing to this."

"You're not going to regret it. Bella Swan is great, and you're really going to like her; I can feel it. Besides, if you really hate it that much, just keep telling yourself that being nice to her might get you in with the Quileute, and that's why we're really here, right?"

I groaned. "Yes Alice."

Getting in with the Quileute was the _only_ reason I'd ever agree to befriend anyone, although after traveling the world so many times, I was beginning to think there wasn't any real magic left at all, so it was probably pointless anyway.

For the first hundred years of this purgatory, we went to every supposed sorcerer and witch doctor we could find hoping for an end to our endless suffering, but the closest thing we ever found was in an Amazonian tribal village. The leader there talked about an ancient magic that could create endless life as well as take it away, but to his knowledge, that particular magic had only been accomplished by one shaman, which had migrated to the continent above in the northwest. After decades of searching and researching, we concluded that the descendants of that shaman lived with the Quileute that resided on the Washington Olympic Peninsula.

Elated that there could possibly be a break in the curse, we rushed to Washington and begged the Quileute to help us, but…

"_If you do not get off our land right away, we will cast a spell damning you to an eternity of fire!" the chief had warned us._ We didn't even have a chance to ask them to help before they threatened us to never come back. Apparently there was something in our eyes, something that showed the dark magic that ran through our veins that scared them into their hatred.

Of course, that was over a hundred years ago, and after giving them a century to forget, we decided to try again. We were taking it slowly this time around, and hoping to gain their trust before asking them to help us. If Alice's friend could give us a chance to accomplish that, then I suppose she was all of our new best friend.

Suddenly the doorbell rang and before Esme could even come out of the kitchen, Alice was racing to answer it. "I got it!" she squealed excitedly.

I just shook my head at her eagerness. As much as she irritated the hell out of me, I was grateful to have her…to have all of them. I hated that they were cursed because of me, but I honestly had no idea what I would have done without them for all those years.

"Is someone here?" Carlisle asked as he came down the stairs.

I shrugged. "I guess Alice is having a friend over today."

"That's new," he replied surprised.

"Yep, but her terrible habit of having ulterior motives isn't."

"Uh oh," he said amused. "Does her ulterior motive this time involve you?"

"I'm afraid so."

He chuckled. "Have fun with that."

"Wait, you're not going to stay and buffer this? I can't do this alone," I whined like a child.

"You'll be fine…you always are," he snickered as he walked through the room towards the kitchen to join his wife for lunch.

"Traitor!" I shouted as he left.

Less than a minute later Alice came prancing back into the room while towing a wide eyed stranger behind her.

"This is my brother…the one I was telling you about," Alice said to the girl. "Edward, this is my good friend Bella," she introduced us.

"Hi, nice to meet you," I said with a sociable smile as I stood to greet her, and then I mentally cursed myself for my old fashioned politeness. Many times in the past I had gotten in trouble by giving young women the wrong idea with my good manners, and even after paying the ultimate price for my graciousness, I still hadn't managed to break the habit.

As predicted my unintentional charm seemed to captivate the girl into a dazzled stupor, so I cleared my throat and looked to Alice for help.

"Uh…So Edward, Bella was just telling me about a book she read recently. What was the name of it again?" Alice asked her friend, trying to engage her into a conversation.

"Um…" Bella blinked and then shook away her dazed state. "'_Tides of Redemption'_. It was an awesome read," she said bashfully. "I'm sorry, I probably seem like a moron. I haven't been sleeping well so I'm a little tired."

"Oh you're fine, don't even worry about it," Alice assured her.

There was another beat of awkward silence, and then Alice forced the conversation forward. "Edward, didn't you say you read that book as well?" she asked me.

"No," I replied evenly.

"Are you sure? I thought you said you read something like that."

"Nope. I haven't read anything close to that. Why?" I asked, pretending not to know what she was trying to do.

"Well, Bella reads all the time just like you do. What are you reading now? Maybe she's read it too and we can…you know, talk about it, or something."

"Right now I'm reading _'Crimson Dust'_. It's about satanic cults who perform sacrifices in order to harness dark magic," I said honestly. I didn't mean to sound like a jackass, but a part of me was happy about it. The last thing I wanted was to encourage the little crush that I could already feel Bella developing. It was radiating out of her, and suddenly I felt like I was swimming in it. It had to stop before it got any worse, and if that meant jeopardizing our chance at befriending one of the Quileutes, then so be it.

"Wow, you don't seem like the type to be into that sort of thing," Bella said unexpectedly. "Is it for a college project, or are you reading it for fun?"

I smirked. "I don't go to college, cults just interest me."

"Which part? The killings or the devil worshiping?" she asked without missing a beat.

"All of it, but mostly the mind control involved. The way the cult leaders pick their followers and dig deep into their psyches and warp them to fit their own agenda is absolutely enthralling."

"So you're interested in the instability of the followers, or the manipulations of the leaders?"

"The leaders, naturally. Who wouldn't want their own flock of loonies to follow their every word? Can you even imagine that type of power?" I joked.

"Well I suppose I can relate to that. Every night I do play a hypnotizing recording for my dad while he sleeps so I can influence all the decisions he makes ," she deadpanned. It was absurd, and I knew she had to be kidding, but her somberness was a little off-putting. Just when I actually started to think she was serious she broke out laughing. "Wow, you should see your face right now."

Alice laughed with her. "Yeah, you look terrified. Did you really think she was that sadistic?"

I laughed too. I couldn't help it. "Maybe. I've seen worse," I admitted.

After that, strangely enough, the next few hours were easy; the conversation flowed and there were no more awkward silences. Alice was right about Bella, she was very interesting, and when it was time for her to leave I found myself hoping Alice would invite her to come back soon. Of course, I'd never admit it, especially to my sister…

"So…what do you think?" Alice asked way too eagerly.

"About what?" I played dumb.

"About Bella!" she practically shouted.

"Oh, you mean your questionably psychotic friend? Yeah, she's a hoot."

"Oh shut up, I know you liked her," she giggled.

"What I don't understand is why you can't just convince her to introduce us to Jacob Black yourself? Why drag me into it?"

"I told you, it's not all about Jacob Black. You two have a connection, and now I know you see it too."

"A connection?" I spat. "I just met her."

"Connections don't need time," she argued.

"Come on Alice, you know I don't believe in all that fairytale crap."

"Says the man who lives forever," she teased.

"You know what I mean."

"Edward, I've dreamed about you two together every night for the past month. What if she's your soul mate or something? Your one true love."

I rolled my eyes at her. "I don't believe in soul mates, and if I did then I'd know mine died over a hundred years ago."

Alice suddenly got serious. "Edward, I know you still miss Beth, you always will, but she's gone. Maybe there is no such thing as soul mates, but you can't convince me that there isn't someone out there that can still make you blissfully happy."

"Alice..." I took a deep breath. "Beth died…of old age. She didn't succumb to some horrible fate, she just lived her life and then she passed on when it was her time, which is the same exact thing that will happen to Bella, and to everyone else that comes into our lives…everyone except us. What would be the point in being '_blissfully happy'_ with anyone if they're just going to grow old and die when I never will? You're lucky; you have Jasper, and Rose and Emmett have each other. Hell, even Carlisle has a wife, and he used to be a priest. You will all live forever together, and I will always be alone…that witch made sure of that," I said bitterly.

"It is better to have loved and lost than to never…" she let her quote trail off when she saw my growing irritation. "You know, you only give Jane power by refusing to take advantage of her curse. You'll live forever Edward, and yet, you're not living at all. That's what she wanted. She's winning, and you're just letting it happen."

"No, she won a long time ago," I mumbled. "Getting close to someone again, only to lose them to the hands of time isn't worth it to me. I've long accepted my fate of being alone, and I'm okay with it. I wish you would respect me enough to do the same."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone when it comes to women, but Bella is important; maybe she's not meant to be a romantic connection for you, but she_ is_ something. Why would I keep dreaming about her if she wasn't?"

I thought about it for a minute, and then I sighed. "It must have something to do with the Quileute. I guess we can't just ignore it so…Ugh. Fine, keep bringing her around. We'll figure it out."

"Yes we will," she agreed confidently. "I have a really good feeling about this."

"Well I sincerely hope your feeling is right this time." – But somehow I had my doubts. I suppose for us there was no such thing as a waste of time, so going along with whatever plan she was concocting couldn't hurt. At the very least, hanging out with Bella was going to be entertaining, and in a never ending life of idleness, I'd take whatever form of entertainment I could get.

* * *

*****A/N:** I'm planning for this to be a short story, but we'll see how it goes. Updates anywhere between a couple times a week to a couple times a month (probably the former). Thanks


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Even after two centuries of being frozen in time, I still didn't fully understand our curse. If we were immortal then why did we eat, and what was the point to getting tired? It seemed I was always tired, and well, hungry. Perhaps that was part of our curse after all; endless life, endless exhaustion, and endless hunger. None of us were ever satisfied, but over time we learned to deal with the discomfort. Some were better than others, but we all had our breaking point, so every few weeks or so we engaged in a good binging…

"Buffet night!" Emmett's voice boomed from the kitchen after he cleaned out that week's supply of fresh groceries.

"I better call ahead," Esme said as she hurried to the phone. We had a special deal worked out with the local buffet place where they'd basically close the restaurant for us without ever asking questions, and we'd triple their average nightly profits. It was a win-win situation. "They said they can clear out the dining room in an hour!" Esme announced after she hung up the phone.

"An hour?" Em whined. "Not good enough. I'm hungry!"

"Patience, my son. It's a virtue, you know," Carlisle tried hushing him.

"Fuck that virtue bullshit!" Em said unexpectedly, though none of us were really surprised by his outburst; Emmett was definitely the most passionate of us when it came to eating. "I'm hungry and if we wait an hour then that's one more hour's worth of food that's getting eaten by other people."

"Oh stop crying like a little girl," I said irritated.

"Like a little girl? If you want I can show you how un-girly I can throw a punch," he threatened me.

I rolled my eyes. "Forgive me while I tremble."

"You better tremble!"

"Okay, calm down you two," Jasper intervened. "Fighting will get us nowhere. What if we head over to the buffet now, and just try to pace ourselves like normal people until the hour is up. It'll do us some good to mingle with the mortals anyway. It's a small town; the Quileute may have friends there that can vouch for us one day."

"That's a wonderful idea!" Alice said, strangely overly excited.

"Wow darling, did you skip lunch today?" Jasper asked her. "You're never usually this eager for the buffet."

She shrugged. "Just sounds good right now."

"She's got that scheming look in her eyes again," I groaned. "I only hope it doesn't involve me this time."

"Of course not," she said with a faux innocent grin - which pretty much told me it definitely involved me.

"Come on Alice, I said I'd help you with your friend. What more do I have to do?"

She rushed over to me and grabbed my shoulders while standing on her tip toes so she could kiss my cheek. "Don't worry big brother, everything will be perfect."

"Sure it will be," I grumbled.

Thankfully the buffet didn't have too many people so we didn't feel overly self-conscious about our eating habits, but I found myself having a hard time eating regardless. Alice's overzealousness before we left made me anxious for what she was hiding, and I couldn't kick the feeling. When the dining room finally closed to everyone except us, I relaxed a bit thinking whatever vision she had didn't come into fruition, however ten minutes later I looked up from our table and saw exactly what she must have foreseen.

"Bella, what a surprise!" Alice shrieked excitedly.

I moaned a quiet protest.

"Hey…What's going on?" Bella asked confused as she absently tied an apron around her waist.

"I didn't know you worked here," Alice said theatrically.

"Hold on, is this going to get in the way of us eating?" Emmett mumbled. Usually when we were there they limited the staff to the same few who knew better than to ask questions; it seemed Bella didn't get the memo.

"I'm sure everything will be fine," Esme tried assuring him quietly. "Bella, it's so good to see you again," she said politely as Alice dragged her friend to our table to say hello.

"Um yeah…same here. So what's going on?" Bella asked as she looked around. "Why are you guys the only people here?"

We all stared blankly at each other like a bunch of morons, and then I noticed the way Emmett was actually eating out of one of the food serving trays, and the answer just came to me. "We're here supporting Emmett's training."

"Training?" she asked even more confused.

"Yeah, he's training to compete in one of those eating contests," I lied. "He has to stuff as much food in his stomach as possible in order to expand it for the huge bulk he'll have to eat on the big day. It's why he's so huge."

"Really?" Bella asked, surprisingly interested. "I heard the guy who holds the record for the most amount of hotdogs ever consumed in one sitting is a skinny short guy."

"Well that's hotdogs," I deadpanned.

"Does it make a difference?" she asked with a humorless laugh.

"It must."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "You're kind of a jackass, aren't you?"

_Was I?_ I frowned involuntarily. "I didn't mean…"

"No, I think you did," she cut me off. "But that's okay; I'm not going to cry over it."

"Uh I…" but before I could even form a fully conceived thought, she was walking towards the kitchen.

"Bella, where are you going?" Alice called after her.

"This is my job. I'm going to get to work before I get fired."

"Ms. Swan," the restaurant manager appeared out of nowhere. "Can I speak to you in the back please?" The two left the dining room, but since the restaurant was small and Alice gestured for us to keep quiet, we all heard what was being said. "What are you doing here?" the manager questioned in a harsh tone.

"Uh…This is my shift," Bella replied, almost sounding like she was asking a question rather than answering one.

"Not anymore. I text you and left two messages."

"Oh, well I might not have that cell phone anymore," Bella said sheepishly.

"You got a new phone number and didn't inform your employer?" the manager asked evenly.

"I did…or at least I thought I did. Come to think of it, I may have called my old boss at the diner instead. I'm sorry; I must have gotten mixed up. I've had so many jobs that it's hard to keep them all straight."

"Maybe that's your problem. I should have known better than to hire someone with such an unstable employment history. Three jobs in two months; if your father wasn't a personal friend of my late husband's, I would have never even given you a second look….It would be one thing if this was your first offense, but in the one week that you've been working here you have been late twice, completely not shown up once, and now you've come in when you're not supposed to."

"Mrs. Peters, with all due respect, if you're going to fire me can you just get it over with."

"Fine. You leave me no choice Ms. Swan. You're fired."

"Okay. Well thanks for the opportunity," Bella said carelessly, and then she walked back into view. "It was great seeing you guys again," she told us with a little wave as she made her way to the exit.

"Honey, are you okay?" Esme asked concerned.

"Sure. Why not?"

"We all heard you get fired," Rose said bluntly. Emmett not so subtly kicked her under the table.

Bella shrugged. "I'm not sweating it. I'm sure I'll find something else soon enough."

"Did you eat dinner tonight yet? Why don't you stay and eat with us?" Esme offered.

"Oh, that's sweet Mrs. Cullen, but I doubt Mrs. Peters would appreciate me hanging around after she just fired me."

"Oh nonsense. We paid a lot of money to get this place to ourselves tonight, and we can have whoever we'd like join us. Please stay, in fact, I insist."

Bella thought about it for a minute, and then she shrugged. "Okay, sure. Thanks."

Rose and Emmett were both visibly upset by Bella's addition to our buffet night, but they knew better than to insult Esme by voicing it; however it wasn't long before their resentment turned into excitement…

"Hey Emmett, what do you say we have a little practice battle," Bella said as she came back to the table with a plate piled high with nachos – which was exactly what Emmett had on one of his plates.

Emmett smiled evilly. "You have no idea what you're asking."

"Oh come on. You've already been eating for a while, right? Well my empty stomach thinks it can take you on."

"Alrighty then. Just remember you asked for it."

"And we have a match!" Jasper announced eagerly. "The first one to clear their plate wins. On your mark, get set, go!"

I watched flabbergasted as Bella shoved handfuls of chips in her mouth and made a quick dent in the mound. Emmett had been trying to eat slowly as to not give away his secret bottomless pit of a stomach, but when he noticed just how fast she was eating, he picked up his pace. About half way through though, she dramatically slowed while he continued without an issue. She paused to look at him with astonishment, and then something else crossed her features, something I could only describe as stubborn competitiveness. Regardless of the impossibility of her actually beating Emmett, it seemed her determination was going to push her to continue, but then she surprised us all by throwing down the chip in her hand, and then taking her entire plate and dumping the remainder onto an empty plate next to her.

"I win!" she shouted enthusiastically.

"What the hell?" Emmett protested with chunks of nachos flying out of his mouth as he spoke. "You cheated!"

"Uh, no. The rule was the first one to clear their plate wins, and I _cleared_ my plate."

"But you just dumped your nachos onto that other plate," Emmett argued.

"Jasper never said I couldn't do that; right Jasper?" Bella asked with a smug grin.

Jasper smiled and then shrugged. "The lady has a point. Sorry bro, this one is going to her."

"Bullshit!" Emmett yelled while slapping the table. "I demand a vote. Everyone who thinks I won, raise your hand."

Rose's hand shot straight up. "She cheated."

"All in favor of Bella for the win?" Alice asked.

The rest of us raised our hands.

Emmett's face scrunched with playful betrayal. "That's harsh. I can't believe y'all picking a stranger who cheated over me."

"Technically she didn't cheat," Carlisle said carefully.

"And you didn't even finish your plate yet," I pointed out.

"Damn it!" Emmett cried, but then he smiled. "You got me. Good job…but I'm gonna need a rematch."

Bella grinned again. "Maybe…but not now," she said while rubbing her full stomach.

"No maybes, I need a promise. I can't let this embarrassing battle stick on my permanent record."

"I don't make promises, so you're going to have to accept my _maybe,_" Bella told him.

"Fine….I'll take that as a yes."

She giggled. "Okay, well don't hold your breath. Mrs. Cullen, thank you so much for inviting me, but I should probably be going."

"Oh do you have to leave so soon?" Alice whined.

"I don't have to, but thanks to that little battle I have a killer stomach ache, so I think I'm just going to go home and crawl into bed until next week."

"Okay, it was great seeing you again," Esme said warmly.

"Hey, do you want to get together sometime in the next few days?" Alice asked her in a rush.

"Maybe. Give me a call," Bella said with a smile. "Bye everyone," she said while unexpectedly letting her eyes linger on me.

For a reason I didn't understand, the moment her eyes pierced mine I looked down at my lap. I had no idea why I couldn't meet her stare, but it was painfully awkward. I didn't look back up again until she was gone, and I tried like hell to forget about it, but my mind kept replaying the momentary tension over and over again. There was definitely something about Bella, something I couldn't explain, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't scare the shit out of me.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Despite the binging, the hunger was never really alleviated; in fact, this time it only seemed to make my nightmares worse, which in turn made me even more exhausted.

It always started the same…_.That beautiful little white church that stood at the top of the hill in the center of the town, with the bluest sky anyone had ever seen as a backdrop. I was confused back then, and in my dreams that confusion grew tenfold. I just needed some clarity; some guidance for a future that seemed so certain just a few months prior. What was I feeling? What was she feeling? Was it even real? _

_Logically I knew I needed to speak to Beth; to tell her everything I was feeling and pray she felt the same way, but I was scared, so I went to the one place I had always found solace in the past. Father Cullen was the new to our church, but he had a warmth to him that made me feel like I could confide anything. I felt more at home in that church than I did in my own home, so I knew it was the only place to go at that moment. _

_It was a regular Tuesday afternoon, so I was expecting the church to be empty, but when I got there I noticed a few people scattered about the pews waiting for their turn to meet with Father Cullen. I recognized everyone there, but I didn't know all of them personally. Esme, the woman who was grieving her lost child; Rosalie and Emmett, a couple I assumed was there to discuss their upcoming nuptials; Jasper, who had been wounded in The War of 1812 and was having trouble coping with the aftermath of seeing so much death; and last I noticed my sister Alice, who surprised me the least. She spent more time at that church than anyone, and I hated that I didn't always accompany her to help with her mental instability. Her visions scared her, and whispers of witchcraft around town scared me more, so my parents and I advised her to spend as much time at the church as possible, and because she wanted to get better, she had agreed. _

_It was my love and need to protect my sister that caused me to reach out to Jane in the first place. It was a common belief that her mother was a witch therefore she had to be one too. The people had ostracized her just as they were starting to do to my sister, and I felt an overwhelming need to get to know her and judge for myself that there was, indeed, no such thing as witchcraft. Beth hated the idea of me even speaking to Jane; she must have seen what I couldn't, that Jane was dangerous, but I was stubborn and refused to believe it. To me, Jane was just a sweet, shy, misunderstood young girl; she had never given me a reason to see her as anything else._

_That particular day however, when my need for counsel drove me to the house of god, I never could have imagined just how right Beth was when it came to Jane. As I sat there waiting, I tried to make sense of the things I had experienced, but I just couldn't come to terms with any of it._

_I must have sensed her presence because I turned to look behind me, and there she was, staring with pure angered repugnance. I had never seen such darkness in her eyes before, but instantly I knew things would never be the same. I had no idea what I did to ignite that hatred, but it didn't really matter. In that moment the house of god became a playhouse for her evil, and as the curse hit me like a bolt of lightning, it's sequential thunder reverberated through the room; bouncing off of every wall like an echo in a deep cave. When the curse completed its cruel spell, the witch was gone, and so was any possible future with Beth. It took a while to really realize just what had happened, but nothing could equate to the guilt I felt from knowing my misguided friendship with a witch caused everyone in that church to share my fate. _

_The look in Jane's eyes - that evil, dark, despondent look had haunted me, and even two centuries later it still scared the shit out of me..._

"Stop!" I shouted myself awake. I looked around my room and realized I was once again, covered in sweat, and was absolutely trembling from the hellish nightmare that I wished was just that. But it wasn't just a nightmare, it was real, and I had nobody else to blame but myself. If only I had listened to Beth…

Every morning that I awoke with the memory of that ill-fated day fresh on my mind, the guilt I had was overpowering.

"Good morning," Esme said over her cup of coffee as I came into the kitchen.

"I'm so sorry," I said emotionally.

She smiled knowing exactly what I meant. "Oh honey, rough night?"

"When is it not rough?" I grumbled. "But it was strangely clearer than it has been in a century. Usually it's all jumbled, but this time it was like…like I was there again."

She smiled again, but this time it was heavy with something else. Thankfully she explained. "We know about Bella."

"What about her?" I asked confused.

"Alice said she's been dreaming about the two of you lately. Do you think she's the link we need to the Quileute…or are you really just scared that you might actually like her?"

"I definitely think she could be our link," I said automatically. "But…"

"But?" she prompted me because I paused.

I huffed. "But nothing. She's kind of a bitch, don't you think? I mean who the hell just calls someone an asshole for no apparent reason? I mean, where the hell does she get off?"

"Well, I like her. She's a bit sassy, but she's a breath of fresh air around here, if you ask me. I sincerely think you should give her another chance."

"Another chance for what?" I asked baffled.

"Another chance to be your friend."

"She's Alice's friend, not mine," I argued.

"You two seemed to get along really well when she was here the other day. I haven't seen you that interested in a girl since Beth."

I rolled my eyes. "You didn't even know Beth."

"No, but I remember the way you used to talk about her. Wasn't she a bit sassy as well? You said she'd never hesitate to put you in your place, and that was one of the things you loved most about her."

"Yeah, when I needed to be put in my place, but I didn't do or say anything wrong to Bella, and she snapped at me like a Doberman."

"Maybe she was just having a bad day. Do me a favor and give her another chance."

"Why?" I asked, still clueless as to what she was really trying to say.

Finally she spelled it out for me. "Oh Edward, you could use a little romance, don't you think? You carry around so much guilt all the time, but its okay to give your heart a break every once in a while. Beth moved on; she had a life after you, and I think she would understand it if you did the same."

"This has nothing to do with Beth," I said evenly.

"No? Then what's it about?"

"Uh, other than Bella being a bitch, how about the fact that I'm immortal and she's not?" I said with a little more attitude than I intended.

Esme laughed. "Honey, who said you had to marry the girl? She's eighteen, you're basically eighteen. People don't usually marry that young these days. Just go out and have fun. Be young. Be the kid you never really got to be."

"I agree with Esme," Emmett said as he sauntered into the kitchen. "You just need to get laid."

"What the fuck?" I asked, appalled by his brazen comment.

"Come on Eddie, this isn't the eighteen hundreds anymore. People don't get married before they have sex, so if you're modern enough to say words like _'fuck'_, than you're modern enough to do the meaning of the word and actually fuck someone. I bet even Carlisle would agree. Where is he, let's go ask him?"

"He's in his office doing some more research on the Quileute," Esme said with a sigh, obviously disapproving of the direction Emmett took the conversation.

"More research? How the hell can there be anything about those natives that we haven't already read?" Emmett asked incredulously. "I bet he's up there whacking off. See Edward, it's the modern world, even a priest can get married and then whack off when his wife's not in the mood."

Suddenly he was rightfully smacked in the back of the head just as Rose came into view. "Stop disrespecting Esme!"

He huffed. "It's not disrespectful to talk about sex anymore. This is 2014, not 1814. You people would do yourselves a favor if you'd realize that."

"You're right," Rose said in a mocking tone. "It's 2014, and in 2014 most marriages aren't successful. In fact, most marriages end when someone goes outside the marriage for sex with other people. Do you think we should let our marriage fall to the modern times? Or maybe we should just have an open marriage. That would be the modern thing to do, right?"

Emmett's playful features fell flat. It was almost comical. "What the hell are you talking about, woman? I aint about to let any other man lay a hand on you, and if I ever found out you cheated, I'd kill the bastard and make eternity a living hell for you."

Rosalie giggled. "Well maybe you should just agree that not all things are better now than they used to be."

"For married people? No, it's not better now; in fact, it downright sucks. But for single guys?… _Daum_, I wish I would have been single in this era before I met you and got married."

Rose rolled her eyes and must have decided to let that comment go.

"Anyway," Esme said, trying to rein in our original conversation. "Alice mentioned that Bella doesn't really date much, so maybe going out with you would be good for her too."

"She doesn't date much? Can't imagine why," I mumbled sarcastically.

"Oh come on honey, she said _one_ thing that wasn't so great. Other than that she seems to be a very nice girl," Esme tried reasoning.

I was about to argue some more, but before I could rationalize what I wanted to say, Alice decided to butt into the conversation as well – _Sometimes I really wished I lived alone._ "Well, good morning Asshole," she said with a smile and a wink.

I scrunched my face from her blatant unwarranted insult.

"Alice?" Esme questioned her. Emmett chuckled silently to himself.

"What? No, see _'asshole'_ is now a term of endearment," Alice said straight faced. "Like how the word 'bad' can actually mean a good thing. Like _'whoa, that's bad-ass'_. See, when Bella called you an asshole yesterday, it just meant she likes you."

I stared at my little sister a bit dumbfounded for a moment, and then I shook my head. "Nope. Nice try Allie, but I'm not buying it. Your friend is just rude, and nothing you can say will make up for it."

Alice's face broke into a whine. "Edward you have to keep trying to befriend her for me. Bella seems to get bored with people easily and I'm not holding her attention very much anymore, but when I mention you she gets all interested. She likes you…so you have to at least _pretend_ to like her. I mean, it's for the Quileute, right? Don't you owe this to all of us after you doomed us like this?"

"Alice," Esme chided her again.

"Using my guilt for your own advantage is a low blow, even for you" I told my sister while shaking my head.

"It's for the greater good," she said seriously.

I took a deep, irritated breath. "Fine. Whatever."

She smiled and clapped to herself. "Good, because she's coming over."

"Ugh, Alice," I said, taking over her whinny attitude. "Why can't any of you people just mind your own business?"

"Well I can," Rose offered. "I personally don't care what you do or who you spend your time with."

I shot my hands up. "Thank you. Thank you Rose for your scathing indifference. I appreciate it."

I started heading for the stairs, so obviously my little sister called after me. "Wait, where are you going?"

"To bed. I'm tired," I said without slowing my stride.

"But what about Bella?" she questioned.

"She's your friend, you deal with her!" I called back from the top of the stairs, and then I shut myself in my room and decided on reading a book. I really was exhausted, because, well, I was always exhausted, but with the dream I had earlier I had no desire to go back to sleep again so soon.

I had just gotten to the fourth chapter in the new book I bought off the computer, when there was a light knock at my door leaving me aggravated and annoyed once again. "Damn it," I said to myself. I already knew it was Jasper since he always came to talk to me any time Alice was upset at something, but right then I just didn't want to talk to anyone. Jasper was a good man, and I was beyond grateful that my sister had someone to spend her eternity with, but to be honest, even after all those years, he often intimidated the hell out of me to the point where I never wanted to argue with him. That meant I was about to agree to something I really didn't want to agree to. The smart thing would have been to not answer the door at all and pretend I was sleeping, but he'd probably just come in anyway.

"Look, I understand Alice is upset about Bella," I started before I even reached the door, and then I grabbed the handle and pulled it open …and basically put my foot in my mouth. "And you're not Jasper."

Her wide chocolate eyes tried to penetrate mine, but I quickly looked away. I still couldn't meet her stare and I wasn't sure why. "Um…sorry to bother you, but I really need to talk to you about something," she said almost shyly.

Suddenly I had a bad case of angry mutant butterflies fighting to break free of my chest. _What the hell was wrong with me?_

"Uh…I'm sort of busy right now," I lied.

"This will only take a minute," she said, and without me inviting her to do so, she walked past me into my room. It was strange, and maddening, and utterly surreal, and all I could really think about was how amazing she smelled as Emmett's conversation about sex kept playing over and over again in the back of my mind. _Fucking Emmett. And Fucking Alice too. I really wished everyone would just mind their own fucking business…._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Um…I really am…busy," I said slowly as I watched Bella scanning my room as if she were looking for something in particular.

"I really need to speak to you," she replied absently.

"Uh…okay, then why don't we go downstairs," I suggested, feeling grossly uncomfortable with her presence in my personal space.

"It's better that we do it here," she said before pausing, and abruptly changing the topic. "Wow, you have a ton of CDs."

"Yeah, I like music," I said awkwardly.

"You have an extremely eclectic collection. I think that's really cool. Most people tend to stick to a certain genre like pop or country, but you…Is this gospel music?"

"Uh…Yeah, I guess."

"And you have them stacked right next to a few heavy metal bands that sing songs about Satan? Nice."

"Yeah well, I listen to music depending on what kind of mood I'm in."

"So you listen to this stuff after you've read a few chapters of that cult book you were talking about, huh?" she said with a smile.

I smiled back reflexively. "You got me. I do love a good satanic cult book, but then I start feeling bad about myself so I chase it with some gospel music or one of those inspirational novels."

"Hmm, interesting. Does it work for the opposite too? After you've saturated yourself with too much virtuous material, do you then feel the need to do something a little naughty to break the streak?" she asked straight-faced.

"Uh…" I couldn't decide whether I was disturbed, or slightly beguiled. "I'm sorry, wasn't there something you wanted to talk to me about?" I asked, trying to get back to the reason for her intrusion.

"I have a lot of things I'd like to talk to you about actually."

I waited for her to continue, but then she stalled again by becoming distracted by something else in my room.

"Wow, are those Brazilian tribal spears?" she asked eagerly while moving across my room towards where the javelins were mounted on my wall. She even had the nerve to kick off her shoes and actually climb up to stand on my bed to get a better look.

"Uh…You're standing on my bed," I said, trying to rein in my bitterness over it. I couldn't believe her brazen lack of boundaries. Who the hell just climbs on someone's bed like that, especially someone they didn't know very well.

"I took off my shoes," she said dismissively, as if that would be the only problem with the situation. "These are incredible. Where did you get them?"

"They're just decorations," I said through gritted teeth, and then I noticed one of her feet getting dangerously close to my pillow. "Do you mind getting off my bed please?"

She ignored my request. "These are not just decorations; I know authentic tribal spears when I see them. How did you get them? Most tribesmen are very protective over their weapons and don't let just anyone have them."

And then it happened. She stepped on my pillow. Having one's pillow so rudely crushed by a teen girl's bare foot was not something that could be fixed by washing the case. Now I'd need a new pillow, and it would take weeks to get it broken in enough to actually be comfortable. I absolutely hated new pillows, and thanks to Alice's little pet project, I was in for even more exhaustion than normal.

"Wow, you're really pissed at me right now, aren't you?" Bella asked unexpectedly.

"Huh?" My eyes finally broke away from her feet and ran up her slender body to the vicinity of her face, but I still couldn't meet her stare. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You really are mad," she said with a light laugh. "Does it bother you that I'm up here?"

I locked my jaw. "Actually, yes, and I would appreciate it if you got down."

"Is it because I'm standing, or do you hate people on your bed altogether?" she asked without moving.

"What?" I couldn't believe she was still up there. "Can you just get down?"

"What are you so afraid of? That I'm going to mess up your bed? Or that I have coodies? Or is it because I might fall and break my neck?"

"I'm not afraid of anything; I just think it's incredibly rude that you're on my bed. I didn't invite you up there; in fact, I never really invited you into my room at all."

Suddenly she plopped down to a seated position with her legs crossed under herself, but she still didn't get off the bed. "So are you saying you want me to leave?"

I couldn't really look at her, but for whatever reason a wave of guilt washed over me and I found myself saying – "No, you don't have to leave…I just…I'm not used to people being in here, and it's making me anxious." – The moment the words were out of my mouth I wondered what the hell made me say them. It was the absolute truth, but it left me feeling almost naked in a way, as if I exposed something about myself that I never meant to expose.

"I get anxious sometimes too," she admitted quietly. "I don't really know how people expect me to behave. My mother and I moved around a lot before I came here to live with my dad, so I never knew how to fit in anywhere, or even act normal." She sighed. "But I kind of like that about myself."

"You do?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah. I mean, normal is boring. If everyone did exactly what was expected of them all the time, the world would be dreadfully predictable, don't you think? Besides, life is far too short to be chained to societal rules and expectations."

"It's rules and expectations that keeps everything in order," I argued.

She pressed her lips, and then a smile broke out through her teeth. "A little chaos never hurt anyone," she said before grabbing my hands and using all her strength to try to pull me onto the bed.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Oh stop being such a square and get up here with me," she said before letting me go and then returning to her previous standing position.

"This isn't funny anymore," I said irritated.

"You're right, it isn't," she replied before holding her hands out towards me. "But I know how it can be fun again. I'm not getting down until you come up here with me."

I was dumbfounded. _What the hell was wrong with this girl?_ I even looked behind myself to the open doorway leading to the hall, completely convinced Alice or Emmett would be there giggling with a camera, but nobody was there. I seriously considered calling Esme for some help coaxing Bella out of my room, but then I huffed.

"What the hell," I mumbled to myself. "If I get up there, then you'll get down?" I asked her.

"Of course," she said with a grin.

I didn't get it, but I complied anyway and felt like an absolute moron as I climbed onto my bed and stood next to her. "There. Let's both get down now."

"Not yet," she said playfully, and then she took my hands again and actually started bouncing.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Come on, haven't you ever jumped on your bed?"

"No. Beds are for sleeping."

"And for playing," she said while wiggling her eyebrows. She let go of my hands so she could jump in circles, and then she backed up a bit so she could have more room to lift her legs and jump even higher. "The moment I first saw this bed, I knew I just had to jump on it. Come on Edward, jump with me."

"Are you…okay?" I asked carefully. "I mean, really, are you mentally stable? Because I'm very concerned here."

"Well turn down the concern and turn up the jumping," she said excitedly.

She was jumping so high that I worried she'd hit her head on the ceiling, or break my bed, or fall over and break her neck, or even worse than all that, I worried she'd bounce into me and actually make me bounce with her - which was exactly what happened. I never made the conscious decision to do so, but the next thing I knew I was somehow jumping as well… and perhaps even laughing _– though, I couldn't be sure about the last part seeing how it had been decades since I sincerely laughed at anything_.

It was absolutely ridiculous. We were making fools of ourselves by acting like children, jumping and twisting, and occasionally we'd even hold hands to use each other as leverage to jump higher. The jolt that ran through me from her touch made my stomach twist into painful knots, but I refused to give in to it. I knew how to think around physical discomfort, I did it every minute of every day, but the truth was I couldn't remember the last time I had that much fun, and I wasn't about to stop long enough to analyze why I was having such a reaction from her minor contact.

Eventually we grew tired and couldn't force our bodies to jump anymore, so we both collapsed on the bed and just laid there in a surprisingly comfortable silence as my heart struggled to slow it's rapid pace…but it just kept speeding. I was exceedingly aware of the way her legs were tangled with mine, and I couldn't keep my mind from wondering what it would have felt like if we were both wearing shorts instead of pants.

Suddenly I felt something rubbing the top of my foot, and before I even had time to realize it was her foot, it started traveling upwards past my ankle and under the bottom of my pant leg.

"What are you doing?" I choked out, having a harder time catching my breath than I did when we were jumping.

"Your leg is really soft," she said as she continued to caress me with her foot. "Do you shave?"

"My legs?" I questioned.

"Yeah. Don't most guys have really coarse leg hair?"

"Uh…I don't know."

She removed her foot from under my pants, only to sit up and place her hand on that same area, and then proceeded to push that hand even farther up my leg.

"What are you doing?" I asked aggravated, but the intended tension in my voice broke with an uncontrollable chuckle due to my ticklish skin. "Do you honestly have no boundaries?"

"Am I bothering you?" she asked, as if she was really clueless about her intrusiveness.

"Yes."

"Am I bothering you because you don't like being touched, or am I bothering you because you _do_ like to be touched but you don't want to admit it?"

"I…I…" I really had no idea how to answer that. "I don't know," I admitted.

She bit her bottom lip. "Do you want me to leave?"

I meant to say yes again, but when my lips parted to speak, "No" escaped instead.

"Okay, then I won't," she said with a smile. "Just let me know when you want me to leave, and I will."

"Really?" I asked doubtfully. _Hadn't I asked her to leave already a few times before?_

"I promise. The moment you really want me to leave, I will….unless, of course, I want to leave before that."

I scratched my head completely confused. She was an enigma, and I had absolutely no idea what I really thought about her. Did I loathe her, or was she actually growing on me? I honestly couldn't tell.

"So…are you going to tell me about the tribal spears?" she asked after lying back down on my bed next to me, and staring up at the weapons on my wall.

"What do you want to know?" I asked hesitantly.

"Where did you get them?"

"Why are you so interested?"

She rolled over onto her side so she was facing me, and then she explained. "I did a research project on the Quileute for my senior history final, and they had spears just like them on display in the council building. My friend Jacob said they were originally from Brazil, and since most native weapons are unique to their tribe of origin, and yours are painted just like the ones there, they must be from the same place."

"How can they be 'natives' if they're from somewhere else?" I questioned, curious as to what her answer would be.

"The Quileute are native to this area, but a long time ago some members of a Brazilian tribe migrated up here. They have a whole legend about it, but Jacob never really wants to talk about it. He said it's secret."

"But he knows?"

"I think so…He seemed to. Why?"

"I'm actually very interested in the Quileute myself. I'd love to know anything and everything I can about them."

She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously. "Do you know what? I just realized I have no idea what you do with your time. Alice said you graduated the year before us, but you said you don't go to college, and you never seem to be at a job of any kind."

I cracked a smile at her. "And you seem to always be at different jobs. Why aren't you going to college?"

"Do you always avoid personal questions?"

"Do you?" I asked before sitting up and hanging my legs over the edge of the bed.

She followed my lead and did the same. "I'm not avoiding anything. I just see no point to going to college."

"Why not? You can't skip from job to job for the rest of your life."

"If you knew my mother, you'd understand. She always taught me to never tie myself to anything permanently. It's best to always keep options open and be ready to go wherever the wind takes me."

I chuckled once. "She's one of those hippie types, huh?"

"She's definitely a free spirit."

"And you want to be just like her?" I assumed.

"To tell you the truth, I've never really put much thought into the future. I've never imagined my life any further ahead than a couple months at a time. Is that strange?"

"I don't know…Strange for me, I guess. It seems all I do is look into the future and wonder what comes next…_if anything comes next_," I said, way too honestly.

"Any yet here you are, sitting on your bed in your parent's home, without any plans…" she pointed out.

"You're right about that. I am…stagnant. I guess I'm just waiting for a little direction; some kind of sign telling me what to do next."

"Or you can live like I do…one day at a time."

"Is that why you keep getting fired?" I asked her curiously.

"I just never understood commitments of any kind. If someone doesn't want to be somewhere, they shouldn't waste time being there just because they said they would. I mean, I get needing a job, money needs to be made, yada yada yada, so I do try…_sometimes, _but I'm definitely not upset when it doesn't work out, and I'm not going to stress about being at a job every single day when I have other things to do."

"Okay, well what are some of the things you do when you should be at work?"

"Well once it was a really beautiful day, and I saw this little trail in the forest and I just had to stop and take it."

"So….you blew off work to go for a hike?" I asked in disbelief.

"It was a beautiful hike, and I don't regret it one bit. What if I died the next day? Do you think I would have been sorry I missed work, or do you think I would have been sorry I missed that hike? One day at a time. All any of us have is today, because tomorrow it could be too late."

It wasn't a new philosophy, but it was definitely one I hadn't considered in an incredibly long time. With an endless tomorrow, it was hard to think about today, and I realized in that moment that I had missed a heck of a lot of todays. _What the hell have I been doing for the past two hundred years?_

"So…you live without regret," I said pensively. I couldn't imagine such a life; it seemed even more improbable than the life I was actually living.

She sighed. "I wish."

"So you do have regrets?"

"I think everybody does, because everybody makes mistakes. I try to always be honest and live as true to myself as possible, so in that sense, I'm not ashamed of anything, but looking back on it, there are definitely things I wish I hadn't done….Like call you an asshole," she admitted sheepishly. "That's actually the reason why I really wanted to talk to you today. I'd like to say I'm surprised I got so sidetracked with the jumping and everything, but that would be a lie; I'm usually distracted by some thing or another. Believe it or not, I actually meant to come over earlier to apologize, but then I got caught up in this project I'm working on at home, and one thing led to the next…but at least I made it eventually, right?...Or do you wish I hadn't come?" she asked, legitimately sounding unsure of herself for the first time since I met her.

"No…I'm glad you came." – _Was I really?_ I still wasn't sure. "I don't know what I did to warrant the asshole remark though, so I wouldn't mind an explanation."

She huffed. "To be honest, you just struck me as an asshole right then, and I have a tendency to say exactly whatever is on my mind…but I realize my assumption at the time was wrong. I don't think you're an asshole…In fact, I thought about you practically non-stop for the rest of the night, and I actually think you're just sad, and sometimes sadness comes off as coldness, which is why I thought you were an asshole."

"Sad? Why the hell would you think I was sad? I'm not sad," I said defensively.

She bit her lip again, as her eyes tried in vain to pierce mine. "There's nothing wrong with being sad, Edward. It's a normal emotion."

"Why do you think I'm sad?" I asked again. "I jumped on the bed with you, didn't I? That's not something sad people do."

"You didn't want to. I practically forced you by saying I wouldn't get down until you joined me."

"I'm not sad."

She breathed in deeply. "My mom always says I'm good at reading people, and you're an open book."

"Oh, I am, am I?" I scoffed. "You got the asshole thing wrong."

"Yeah, but I'm not wrong anymore."

"Well, then let's hear it. What does my book say; besides being sad, of course?"

"You _are_ sad….and depressed…and no matter how many people surround you at a time, you still always feel lonely. You carry a lot of barriers; the kind that's used to hide painful secrets that you're ashamed of, and you refuse to give yourself any amount of relief by exposing them, even to your family."

I smiled at the ground, and fully planned on denying everything she just said…but my smile faded, and I was finally able to look her in the eyes. "How do you know that?" I murmured.

She stared at me for a moment, and the unexpected intensity radiating between us was palpable; strangely enough, it was she who broke the connection by blinking and looking away. "I told you, I'm good at reading people. Everything about you screams hidden remorse; from the way you talk, to the way you walk slightly hunched over like you're shielding yourself. If just one person knew whatever it is you're hiding, you wouldn't be so despondent. But you're scared…and I sincerely hope that someday you won't be, because that's no way to live."

There were a few beats of thick silence, and then she abruptly got off the bed and started putting her shoes on.

"Where are you going?" I asked her confused.

"I'm not sure yet…probably home," she said casually.

"Just like that?"

"What do you mean?"

"You insisted on hanging here, and now you're just leaving out of the blue?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah. I told you I'd be here until you wanted me to leave or I wanted to leave, and now I want to leave. But thanks, it's been fun."

"Um…okay. Are you going to come back some time?"

She shrugged. "Maybe. If you want to hang out with me again, just ask Alice for my number and then text me. If I feel like coming over, I will."

"Will Alice even have your number? I thought you changed cell phones regularly."

"I do, but I like Alice so I'll make sure she has my number. See you around…_maybe_," she said with a wink before exiting my room.

Her entire presence had been a whirlwind, and I couldn't help but wonder what the hell just happened. She was annoying, and fascinating, and somehow she tore open a wound I had buried for so long, leaving me reeling in the aftermath. I never met anyone like her, and even though I still wasn't ready to admit it, I was definitely captivated.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"So?" Emmett said with a smirk as I went into the kitchen that night for dinner.

"So what?" I asked clueless.

"So how was it?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose to try to alleviate the sudden migraine I was feeling. "How was what, Emmett?"

"How was _it _it? I'm sure it was quick; I mean, your first time usually is, but don't worry about it, you'll get better with experience."

I dropped my hand onto the table without an audible clunk, and then I just stared at him.

"Don't look at me like that, and please spare me the bullshit about minding my own business," Emmett said, refusing to back down.

"You _do_ need to mind your own business, but we all know that's impossible for you."

"So if you know it's impossible for me then stop playing coy and spill."

"Spill what?" I asked frustrated. "I honestly have no idea what you're talking about."

"Come on, we all heard what was happening up there. The bed was squeaking like crazy. I have to admit, I'm shocked; I thought the world was going to end before you actually sucked it up and fucked someone, but I'm so very proud of you, bro," he said while pretending to wipe tears from his eyes.

"So very proud of him for what?" Alice asked as she and Jasper came into the kitchen.

"Alice, it was a brilliant idea to hook him up with your wacko friend Bella. She really rocked his world," Emmett announced.

"Wow, you finally had sex, huh?" Jasper asked with a smile and a nod. "How was it?"

"Edward, I didn't tell you to have sex with her!" Alice chided me. "Now she's not going to keep coming around."

"Or she'll come around more often," Emmett contradicted with his hand stretched out in front of me as if he wanted a high five. When I didn't slap his hand, he rotated it towards Jasper and smiled when he finally got the high five he wanted.

"You guys are morons," I spat. "One, we didn't have sex, and two, I wouldn't have told you if we did."

"The fact that you just admitted that you wouldn't tell us, proves you _did _have sex with her," Emmett said excitedly.

"What? Did anyone understand that?" I asked the others.

"Everyone understood that," Em said confidently.

"Emmett, I didn't have sex with Bella," I said evenly. "I wouldn't do shit like that even if I wanted to."

"Your beliefs are outdated," Alice said unexpectedly. "Everybody has sex before marriage."

I rolled my eyes. "Why do I feel like we just had this conversation? For the last time, Bella and I did not have sex… but think whatever the hell you guys want because I don't give a shit," I said before walking out of the room.

"Dinner is just about ready," Esme said as I passed her on my way to the living room.

"I'm not really hungry."

"You're not hungry?" Esme said shocked. "I don't think I ever heard any of you say that before.

I shrugged. "Maybe that was a poor choice of words. I'm not in the mood to eat, especially with my irritating pseudo brothers and my real irritating sister."

"Ah are they razzing you about Bella?" she asked sympathetically.

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Well, it was pretty loud. But I'm so proud of you for finally taking that leap."

_She couldn't be serious_. "Esme, I didn't have sex with Bella."

"You didn't? It sure sounded like it," she said reluctantly.

"We were jumping on the bed…We were just _jumping!_" I shouted loud enough for the others in the kitchen to hear.

"You were jumping on the bed?" Esme asked confused. "Wow, that's…interesting."

"I know, it was extremely immature and improper for someone over two hundred to be doing," I said pathetically. When Esme smirked at me I realized just how ridiculous that sounded, so we both chuckled.

"There is nothing wrong with a little bed jumping," Esme said surprisingly. "Maybe I'll even suggest it to Father."

I shuddered at the thought. "Don't you think it's a little strange that you still call Carlisle 'Father'?"

"Strangeness in the eye of the beholder," she said with a smile and a light pat to my cheek. "Come on, let's go eat; I know you're hungry."

I hurried through dinner hoping to avoid any more unnecessary tasteless teasing from Emmett, and then I went back up to my room and intended to go to bed early, but that was when I noticed the absolute disarrayed state my bed was in. I already knew it was a mess from the impromptu jumping session, but seeing it like that from the doorway where I was standing - outside of it, looking in - made it seem all that much more absurd. I must have been just as out of my mind as Bella was_; and god did it bug the shit out of me._

I hated messes, especially in my room; as far as I was concerned, everything had its proper place, and when things weren't in their proper places, my brain would go into a tizzy and I couldn't relax until it was cleaned up. So I took a deep breath and then went to go strip my bed, however when I got closer I got a whiff of her lingering intoxicating scent, and rather than removing the linens, I found myself lying on the tainted mess, just basking in the aroma. _What the hell was I doing?_ I even disturbingly had my head on the pillow that still bared the utter disgrace of her footprint.

I was losing it. I desperately needed counsel with Carlisle, and yet I couldn't bring myself to move. The fresh memory of her on my bed was so appealing that I unintentionally started thinking about what else we could have done on that bed. Her shoes were already off, and her bare foot had traveled up the skin on my leg, and then her hand was there, and… _Fuck, I think I needed a shower._

Being aroused wasn't common for me; the few times it happened in the past it was the result of thinking about one person, and I was always ashamed of myself afterwards. People in my era were different. I was different. First and foremost I served god, and the idea of sex before marriage was nonexistent. I had known Beth practically my entire life; we had grown up on neighboring farms and began officially courting the day I turned sixteen. We were close, and talked about almost everything -_almost_, but even in our occasional unchaperoned visits, we always kept our distance - _always_. It was the moral, virtuous, respectable thing to do, and that's who I was. Good, through and through…at least I always tried to be.

I was currently nowhere near as righteous as I was back then; I wasn't even sure if I believed in god and all his virtues anymore, but I did still have a hard time with the idea of sex. If I'd never get married, and there was no hope for future procreation, then what was the point?

The cold shower did the trick so thankfully I wasn't forced to degrade myself by using my hand – _that would have just made me feel even more pathetic_. I held my breath as I changed my sheets, but I still couldn't bring myself to get a new pillow. I couldn't handle her smell, but her footprint wasn't something I'd lose it over, and in a way it was sort of growing on me; she really did have attractive feet. The image of her foot on my pillow invaded my mind, and then my ankle twitched as I remembered the feeling of her foot there. The tingling went upwards under my pants, but unlike in life it didn't stop there…_Fuck, maybe my hand was necessary after all_.

Masturbating with a fucking pillow over my face was actually a win-win. As ridiculous as it sounded, I used it to not only think about Bella, but also to hide my embarrassment regardless of there not being anyone around to be embarrassed in front of. I had only ever thought of one person in that way, and the fact that someone else was on my mind made me both resentful and so much more excited than I ever thought possible. Needless to say it was over quickly, and I was grateful; though it would probably take another decade to get over the private humiliation I felt from it.

"Fucking Jane, why'd you do this to me?" I murmured as I laid there in my shame. If it wasn't for her I would have married, had kids, and died centuries ago. I certainly wouldn't be jacking off to the image of a girl's foot that I should have never lived long enough to encounter.

For the rest of the week it seemed I was being punished for my self-pleasuring, because when Emmett wasn't razzing me as if he knew what I had done, I kept seeing Jane's face every time I closed my eyes. It had been more than a century since her memory haunted me that vividly, and it freaked the hell out of me.

"Edward, why don't you go do something today," Esme suggested one day after breakfast.

"Like what?" I asked absently as I fiddled with the pages of the book I was pretending to read.

"I don't know, go into town, go into the woods for a nature walk, just go do something. When was the last time you left the house?"

I tried to think about it. "The buffet," I remembered.

"Honey, that was two weeks ago."

I shrugged. "What's two weeks when you have forever?"

"Even the immortal need fresh air," she said while taking my book away. "Now go out…do something…Anything. It's not a request."

I huffed. "Esme, with all due respect, what the hell am I supposed to do? I know every inch of the forest around here so there's no point to hiking, there's nothing to do in town, and I don't give a shit about fresh air."

She held up my book. "Why don't you go to the bookstore and see what's new?"

"I have Amazon for that…no need to go anywhere."

"Not anymore," she said strangely.

"Huh?"

"Edward, you are officially cut off from the internet until further notice."

"Uh…" I had no idea how to respond to that. For all intents and purposes she played the role as matriarch and mother to us -with Carlisle being our father, both spiritually and for public show - but neither of them ever enforced any rules on us whatsoever. I was speechless. "Are you serious?" I finally asked.

"Absolutely."

"Um…I've been a 'man' since I was sixteen…and that was over two hundred years ago…I certainly don't need you telling me what to do now," I said as politely as possible.

"I'm well aware of that Edward, but I'm tired of all this moping. Now, go out of this house, and don't come back until you find something better to do with your time."

I closed my eyes for just a second, and I could've sworn I saw Jane smirking at me. _Fucking bitch_.

"Fine," I said before grabbing my car keys out of the drawer and storming out of the house. I wasn't really mad at Esme, and I sincerely hoped she didn't take it that way, I was mad because I knew she was right.

I drove aimlessly for a while, but Jane's image in the darkness of my eyelids had morphed into her voice resounding in my eardrums. She had such a sweet voice in life, and her laugh seemed so young and innocent, but now the memory of it had morphed into blood curdling screeches, and it just wouldn't stop. It was too loud, too painful, and there was only one way to make it go away.

The turn around the bend ahead was sharp, and the guardrail was weak; I knew it would work, so I pressed as hard as I could on the gas pedal, and the moment the car broke the barrier I felt an incredible sense of relief knowing I'd have a few moments of silence as I fell.

Death was peaceful…It was the greatest sense of peace any of us had anymore. All of us had done it at various times, even Carlisle, whose beliefs utterly forbade it; even the excruciating pain of waking back up was worth whatever small amount of peace we could achieve from the sweet moments of death we were allotted. But then, as I struggled to get out of the metal mangled around me, I realized I had just wrecked the most beautiful machine I had ever owned.

_Fuck._

There was no way I could use more family money to buy a new one.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck…_

But I did feel better….slightly.

However temporary it was, the depression was alleviated so I went back home, took a shower, then confessed my sins.

"I drove off a cliff today," I told Carlisle.

He nodded his head. "Accident?"

"Nope."

He continued to nod. "Feel better?"

"Yeah…a little."

"Well, I'd say it was worth it then," he said with a wink. "You know I'm here for you whenever you need to talk about anything, right? It's been a while since we've really talked."

"I know…and I will…eventually…hopefully…But as of right now, I just felt the need to tell you about the car. I apologize."

"Well _I_ forgive you, but since it's been a very long time since God has talked to me, you'll have to take that issue up with him yourself."

I smiled halfheartedly. "I know. Thanks Carlisle…and I am sorry about the car."

"Not as sorry as you will be when you're taking the bus into town."

I grimaced. "I still don't feel the need to go into town."

"You will when you've run out of reading material and you don't have access to the internet to buy anything new."

Fuck, he was right…and he was right all too soon. A few days later I completed my last new book, and I knew my insanity would only get worse if I didn't have anything else to read, so I ventured out to the closest bus stop and grudgingly got onto the bus. I took it down town to where Forks' only bookstore was, and I reluctantly went inside. It wasn't my first time there, and I actually loved the idea of physically browsing all the rows of books as oppose to just staring at a computer screen, but I was still having a difficult time being around people.

Thankfully the store wasn't crowded that day, but the moment I relaxed into my pursuit, I ran into a painful reminder that I'd never just have a nice peaceful day. I considered just making a swift exit before she noticed me, but for whatever reason I just stood there and stared at her. _God, she was beautiful_.

Bella was sitting in the aisle with her back against the shelf, fully engrossed in something she was reading, and then she suddenly looked up. When her eyes locked with mine, her lips broke out into the biggest, brightest smile I had ever seen. It was so radiant that it was impossible not to smile back at her.

"Hey there," she said sweetly. "I've been thinking about you."

I raised my brows in surprise, but then I noticed something. "Obviously," I said with a smirk as I gestured to the copy of _Crimson Dust_ she was reading.

"Oh, yeah, well you made it sound interesting," she said sheepishly as she stood up. "And it's definitely…interesting."

And then I noticed something else. "So interesting that you just had to drop what you were doing and read it, huh?" I said while smiling at the nametag on her shirt, and the mess of books scattered about her feet…._her beautiful little feet_.

She bit her bottom lip and grinned mischievously. "I'm supposed to be stocking the shelves, but I saw this and just couldn't put it down. I've actually been reading for about an hour now, I'm surprised my boss hasn't caught me yet."

"Ms. Swan, there you are," I chubby man with a mustache said from two aisles over.

I laughed once. "Well I think you've been caught now."

She giggled with me. "Crap, and I really needed this job too."

"I can imagine the choices of workplaces for you are dwindling in this small town."

She laughed again. "Maybe they'll hire me in La Push."

"Ms. Swan, I have been looking for you for over twenty minutes," the store manager said crossly when he finally reached us. "Where have you been?"

"She was helping me," I lied quickly. "I asked her to help find this." I grabbed the copy of Crimson Dust out of her hands, and then turned to her. "Thank you so much. I've been dying to read this."

"You asked for help finding a book about cults?" the manager asked skeptically.

"Are you kidding? Some of the biggest cults originate in small towns. Everyone should read this kind of stuff just to be prepared and know what to watch out for," I told him as convincingly as possible.

The man stared at me for a moment, and then shook his head. "Nah, I don't buy it. I know what you kids do these days; she was probably over here sucking your popsicle."

_Uh…did he seriously just say that?_

Apparently I wasn't the only one who thought it was comical, Bella erupted into laughter and I couldn't help but laugh with her.

"Don't worry about it Mr. Jenks, you don't have to try to think of a reason to fire me. I quit," she said through her laughter, and then she grabbed the book out of my hand and dropped it on the ground, before taking my wrist and pulling me out of the store, giggling the entire way.

"That has to be the best end to a job I've ever had. Thank you," she said sincerely.

"I don't know how proper it is to thank me for something like this."

"You don't know how _proper_ it is?" she said strangely. "I've never heard anyone talk the way you do…it's like you're a living classic novel, or something."

"I guess that's what I get for reading more than socializing," I replied uncomfortably.

"Yeah, that makes sense. When I read too much science fiction, I start talking like a Klingon."

"Like a what?" I asked clueless.

"Don't tell me you've never watched Star Trek."

"Sorry, no."

"You have no idea what you're missing. One of these rainy days I'm going to kidnap you and we're going to watch a marathon of the complete first season - it's by far the best."

"Uh…Okay," I said, having no idea what else to say.

"Wow, I just realized I pulled you out of the store before you had a chance to buy anything. I'm sorry. Were you there to buy something in particular?"

"Nah, I was just bored at home," I admitted.

"So…what are you doing for the rest of the day?"

I smiled despite myself. "I'm…hanging with you."

"Really? Well, you're in luck, because I'm free now that I lost my job….Of course I probably would have left to hang with you even if I didn't."

"I imagine you would," I said with a chuckle. "So, what are we going to do?"

Without hesitation, she laced her fingers into mine, and said - "Whatever we want."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Her hand in mine felt odd…and awkward… and hot…and sticky, but the worst part of it was the fact that it was probably the best thing I experienced since the curse's inception.

"Are you uncomfortable with this?" Bella questioned while raising our conjoined hands.

"Um…would you believe me if I said I'm not sure?" I asked sincerely.

She giggled. "Coming from you? I definitely believe it."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked confused.

"You seem very conflicted about a lot of things, like you're always waging some huge war of the psyche or something."

"Am I really that transparent?"

"Being transparent isn't a bad thing; everyone should try to be open with people… But instead of trying so hard to figure out how you're feeling about something, why don't you just feel it? Your mind doesn't need to be so involved with everything you do."

"Can I ask you something without offending you?"

"You can ask me anything you want," she replied with a smile.

"I realize I'm overthinking this, _especially after you just pointed it out_, but…what made you hold my hand like this?"

She lifted her shoulders. "Because I wanted to…Why else would anyone hold someone else's hand? But your palm is seriously sweating, so it's clearly making you uncomfortable. If you want me to let go, just tell me."

"I'm sorry," I said as I pulled my hand away from hers and wiped the sweat off on my pants.

"I don't mind sweat," she assured me as she held her hand out towards mine in a not so subtle invite. "And it's okay if you're a little uncomfortable too. Sometimes being uncomfortable is the best way to grow as a person."

I swallowed roughly, and then shocked myself by taking her hand and allowing our fingers to intertwine once more.

"It's nice, isn't it?" Bella asked as she swung our arms between us and began to guide me forward into a slow stroll down the street.

"Yeah…it is," I said, surprising myself yet again. I wanted to ask her where we were going, but I doubted she had any plans; she rarely seemed to make plans, so we just kept walking, hand in hand, and for once I was genuinely excited to see where we'd end up.

As we walked, Bella talked. She talked so much that at times I wasn't even sure what she was saying, but surprisingly I liked just listening to the sound of her voice. It was pleasant, and calming in a way I wasn't expecting. Then at times, when something would catch her attention away from what she was saying, she'd just stop talking mid-sentence and admire whatever it was in silence. A bird building it's nest, a pattern in the clouds, an arch of a walkway, a little old couple walking their little old dog, a child dancing around a light pole – she saw beauty in everything, and through her, for the first time in a very long time, I could start to see glimmers of beauty as well.

Something miraculous happened that day - Time…my unyielding foe, seemed to take a pause from its incessant ridicule towards me, and actually allowed me to breathe freely. When I was with Bella, I didn't think about the immortality barrier between us. I didn't think about the curse, or my sins, or anything that usually wore me down. When we stopped to eat, I actually felt full, and after a pleasant break on a street bench, I actually felt rested.

It was nice…_more than nice._

Eventually Time reminded me of its ever present presence by darkening the sky.

"So…I should probably escort you home," I said reluctantly.

"Why do you want to _escort_ me home?" she asked, seemingly amused by my choice of words but confused as to my reason behind them. "Do you think you know where I live more than I do?"

I smiled. "No…I don't know where you live at all."

"Then why would you _escort_ me home?"

"Because it's the proper thing to do. You're a lady, and I'm…"

Before I could finish my sentence, she started cracking up. "Oh my god, you _are_ from a classic novel. How chivalrous of you to escort a damsel home to keep her safe from all the bad guys, and to make sure she doesn't fall and skin her delicate little knees."

I chuckled. "Well, when you put it that way… Yes, yes I am from a classic novel, and I do feel the need to make sure you get home safely with unskinned knees."

"How lucky am I to get my own personal gallant knight," she said theatrically.

"Do you really _not _want me to walk you home?" I asked, trying to be serious. I definitely didn't want her thinking I was some wacko who couldn't take no for an answer.

"I didn't say that…Maybe I just don't want to go home yet."

"Really? It's getting late; won't your dad be worried?"

She shook her head. "He knows to never expect me home at a certain time."

"Not even at night?" I said surprised.

"What does the hour have to do with anything? If there is an adventure to be had, why let it pass you by just because society says you should be sleeping?"

"And your dad…he's just… okay with that? I mean, I get you're eighteen and all, but…"

"When I first came to live with him last year he was a bit more uptight and nervous, but he's learned. Now he even encourages me. If I've been in the house too long, he'll make suggestions until something sparks my interest."

"Really? Wow, well that's…cool."

"He knows it makes me happy, and at the end of the day, isn't happiness the point to living?"

"Is it?" I asked quietly.

"What other point could there possibly be?"

"I don't know… I guess when I was growing up I was taught the point to life was to serve god and be virtuous in order to make it to heaven."

She smiled, but her eyes conveyed disapproval. "So…you think the purpose of life is doing whatever it takes to die and get to heaven? I'm sorry, that just doesn't make sense to me. Why be born into the world at all?"

"Well, what do you believe?" I asked, almost desperate for an alternative way of thinking.

"I think life is a gift. Everything in the world was meant to be explored and discovered, otherwise why is it all there? How else will we know who we really are if we never go out there and actually experience things?"

"Not everything is meant to be experienced," I mumbled with a bitter edge that I didn't intend. "Some things are just meant to lure you into darkness."

She dug something out of her pocket, and then handed it to me. "Well it's a good thing I always carry a flashlight then, isn't it," she said with a smile. I looked down at the tiny clicker light in my hand, and wished more than anything that my life could be that simple. When things got dark, Bella just turned on a light. But I suppose someone who's never seen real darkness could never fully understand my plight, and I was actually grateful she was so innocent and unscathed. I couldn't live so simply, because I had seen real darkness and I lived with it's wrath every single day, but perhaps if I just stood close enough to her, perhaps I could share in her light for a little while…

"You know, some of the most beautiful things in the universe can only be seen in darkness," she said slowly.

I looked back up at her, and the way the moonlight danced in her eyes absolutely took my breath away. "I can definitely believe that," I murmured back.

She smiled again. "Then let's go find something beautiful."

I wanted to tell her that I already had found something beautiful, but I bit my tongue. I couldn't go there, not with her, not with anyone again. "Okay, I guess I'm up for anything…Lead the way," I told her.

She smiled excitedly. "There is something I've been wanting to do for a while now."

"And you haven't done it yet?" I asked with playful shock.

"I know, it's terrible, but I haven't had the proper motivation. Desire is nothing without motivation."

I laughed once. "So you're motivated now?"

"Definitely. Let's go," she said while grabbing my hand and dragging me towards the closest bus station.

We took the bus across town, and then we got off in a neighborhood that I had never been. We walked a few blocks before the houses got further apart, and then we walked some more. Eventually we made it to a little white house with an old beater truck sitting out front.

"Uh…is this your house?" I asked as she led me up the porch.

"Yeah, isn't it cute?"

"I thought you said you weren't ready to go home yet?" I asked confused.

"I thought you said you were up for _anything?_" she countered with a wink.

Suddenly Emmett's voice rang in my ear, razzing me about sex, and then Alice's voice joined him saying everybody does it. Was that why we were at her house? Did Bella want to have sex? The thought of it made me terrified…and excited…and guilt-ridden…and fuck, Bella was right, I did overthink things.

"Uh…okay," I said before awkwardly stopping at the front door. "Should I wait here?"

"No way, come inside."

I didn't know whether I should run away down the street, or run forward to sweep her off her feet and carry her to find her bedroom. The thought made me nauseous, but she didn't really give me an option; she took my hand and tugged me inside with her. The house was dark - but the dim glow from the television in the other room meant someone was definitely home, and again I was left questioning my emotions. Was I relieved, or disappointed?

"Hi dad!" Bella greeted her father happily.

"Hey there kiddo. Did you have an awesome day?" he called back.

"So far so good, but it's not over yet," she told him.

"Oh, that's great. What are you doing now?" he asked as he walked into view, and then he noticed she wasn't alone. "Oh...I didn't realize you had company," he said in an odd tone while looking at me.

"Uh…Hi, I'm Edward Cullen," I said while stretching my hand out for him to shake.

He stared at me coldly, and then he slowly looked down at my outstretched hand.

"Dad, he wants you to shake his hand…so shake his hand," Bella instructed him. "Charlie's just not used to such formal greetings from my friends," she told me dismissively, and then she started moving about the room collecting various things that I couldn't really make out in the darkness.

"And I'm not used to your friends being _men_," Charlie grumbled. "In fact, I can't remember the last time you had anyone over at all…Well, besides that Alice girl…and Jacob of course."

"Jacob is a man," Bella pointed out as she grabbed something behind him.

"No, Jacob is just a goofy boy," he argued.

Bella giggled. "Oh dad, you're so funny. Edward is actually Alice's brother. I've hung out with him a few times now."

"A few times wasn't enough?" he questioned.

"I know, strange for me, huh," she said unexpectedly, and then she finally finished whatever it was she was doing. "Ready?" she asked me.

"Um…" I had no idea what to say as her father stood there glaring at me like I was a villain of some kind. "Bella will be perfectly safe with me, Mr. Swan," I tried assuring him.

"What makes you think I'm worried about _her_?" he said coldly, taking me aback.

"Dad, I'm not going to get Edward killed like I did with the last guy I took out in the middle of the night," Bella said casually.

"Huh?" I asked disturbed.

"Edward, I'm joking," Bella said quickly.

"Oh, I know," I replied with a fake laugh.

"But I _will _have you killed if you step out of line," Charlie warned me. "And just so you know, Bella is a black belt in Karate… and she carries pepper spray…_bear_ strength."

"Dad, we'll be fine. Since when do you worry anyway?" she asked him.

"I always worry, even if I don't tell you," he mumbled quietly.

"Everything will be fine," she said before kissing his cheek, and then she grabbed my hand and led me out of the house towards the truck.

"Are you driving us somewhere?" I asked unsure.

"Yep, so get in."

The old beater had definitely seen better days, and if I wasn't immortal I probably would have been petrified. "Do you…drive this thing often?" I asked concerned for her safety.

"Well my dad usually drives it to work, but whenever he's home he lets me take it out," she explained as she began driving us to wherever we were going.

"Have you ever thought about buying a new car?"

"We don't exactly have a lot of money. My dad's hours got cut back at the lumber yard, so we're lucky to have anything at all. He makes enough for us to get by and we never go without any of the necessities, but a shiny new car isn't one of them. I've tried helping him financially in the past, but he refuses to take a dime from me, and he would prefer it if I didn't work at all… I mean, I guess I could buy myself a car if I had a steady job, but really, I'd rather just walk and take the bus. I make enough at my sporadic employment endeavors to buy second hand clothes and snacks and such, and I buy my own pre-paid phones, so why would I stress about anything else when we have everything we need?"

"So…he doesn't want you to work at all?" I questioned slowly. "Does he want you to go to college?"

"He just wants me to be happy," she said simply.

"Wow…that's great…but…I mean, eventually you're going to want to live on your own. How will you support yourself?"

"I told you, I don't plan ahead. I'm sure I'll figure something out; my mom always did. Maybe I'll just marry you and move into that big fancy house with you and your family," she said casually.

I stared at her in shock. Thankfully her serious face broke, and she glanced at me with a smile. "Edward, I'm fucking with you…_again_. Wow, you are way too easy."

"Well, in my defense, you are the most baffling person I've ever encountered, and I have no idea what to expect from you."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"As you should," I said without missing a beat.

Her smile grew. "You know what, Edward Cullen, I really like you."

"Well, Bella Swan, I like you too."

She giggled. "Maybe you should hold off that assessment until after tonight."

"Uh oh, what does that mean?"

She laughed again. "You'll see."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"It's all finally become clear…this is your bucket list," I said nervously as I looked over the cliff at the blackened ocean below. In the darkness it was hard to tell how far down it actually was, and had the moon not been glistening on the gentle breakers, I might have assumed Bella was actually the devil finally come to take me into the abyss of hell.

"What's a bucket list?" she asked with a laugh.

"A bucket list… You know, where you list all the things you want to do before you kick the bucket."

"Kick what bucket?"

"The bucket - How the hell do I know what this is and you don't?" I asked amused. When her confusion didn't waver, I decided to explain. "Sometimes, when someone knows they're going to die…like if they have a terminal disease, or something, they create a list of things they want to do before they pass. Usually its extraordinary things - like cliff diving - that they might not do if they had a full life ahead of them."

"Why would anyone want to wait until they're dying before they do extraordinary things?" she asked sincerely.

"Uh…I don't know. Maybe because it's dangerous; since they're dying anyway they may as well take the risk."

"Huh…I never heard of such a thing."

"Really?" I asked surprised. "So…you're not dying?"

"Well of course I am. We're all dying, Edward. Every day we get closer; that's what growing older is all about…But I'm not sick, if that's what you're asking me. Just because I don't plan for the future, doesn't mean I don't plan on having one. I think the future is going to be awesome, but I'm not going to miss out on the present while I wait for it."

I smiled somberly. "I wish everything was as simple as you make it out to be."

"Why can't it be?"

"Sometimes…sometimes things are just taken out of our hands."

"Then take them back," she said encouragingly.

"I don't know how," I whispered.

"Then I'll help you."

I laughed once silently through my nose. "Helping someone takes dedication, and if you don't like making commitments, then…"

"I don't make commitments unless it's something I truly want to do…and I _want _to help you."

I smiled again. "You don't even know what I need help with."

"Sure I do… You need help finding solace."

"Solace for what?"

"Whatever it is you need solace for," she said.

I nodded. "There is something that's been…weighing on me for quite a long time," I said slowly. "Something you might be able to help me with."

"What is it?"

I ran my hands through my hair anxiously as I tried to come up with an explanation she could possibly understand. I was drawing a blank. "The thing is…I can't really tell you," I said sheepishly.

"Why can't you tell me?"

"It's sort of a family secret….I know it sounds a little odd, but nobody besides the seven of us knows about this…and that's how it has to stay."

"Uh…Okay, how can I help then?"

"Well…this secret has to do with The Quileute…I need to…find someone specific, but I'm not sure who he is, so I was hoping maybe you could take me to the reservation and introduce me to everyone you know, that way I might be able to cross paths with him or figure out exactly what it is I need to know."

She narrowed her eyes at me - _or at least I thought she did_ - I couldn't see her clearly in the darkness of night. "Does this have anything to do with avenging someone, or something illegal? I don't want to introduce you to people if you're plotting some big revenge scheme."

I laughed. "Nothing illegal, I promise, and the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt someone. Bella, it's nothing bad…not really anyway, and I'd tell you if I could, but…I can't. I realize we don't know each other very well, and you have no reason to trust me, but that's exactly what I'm asking. I need you to trust me...and I need you to help me. Can you do that?"

"I trust you," she said strongly, but there was something laced in her voice that conveyed apprehension. If I didn't need her help as much as I did, I probably would have asked her about it and try to reassure her, but I decided it was best not to push the subject; she agreed to help me get in with the Quileute, and that's what my family needed more than anything else in the universe, so I'd just leave it at that.

"We can go to La Push tomorrow," she continued, "on one condition."

I grimaced knowing what she was about to say. "There's no way I'm jumping off this cliff tonight."

"Fine, then I guess you can go to La Push _alone_ tomorrow, but I have to warn you, most of them are pretty private people and don't take very well to outsiders."

"How'd you befriend them then?"

"My dad has been friends with one of the council guys for years…I'm not sure how they met."

"Okay, so…basically what you're saying is - if I don't jump, I'll never be able to really get in with the Quileute?"

"You can go talk to them; I mean, they're not mystical beings or anything, but they probably won't answer whatever questions you may have. Especially if the person you're looking for is an elder councilman."

"Good point… So, I guess we're jumping," I said reluctantly. "How do you know this is even safe? There could be jagged rocks below, or a whirl pool, or…"

"You worry far too much," she interrupted with a giggle.

"No, I just don't want to die," I said, and then I mentally noted how ironic that statement was.

"You're not going to die. I've made this jump dozens of times…just never at night."

I looked at her shocked. "Are you sure you don't have a death wish?"

"Adrenaline is better than any drug out there. Ready?" she asked as she kicked off her shoes.

I moaned. "No."

"Come on, take off your shoes. We'll hike back up here to get everything afterwards," she said while tossing her truck keys inside her shoes.

"So we're going to hike up a cliff, soaking wet, without any shoes? - That's considering we actually survive the fall."

"You're overthinking again," she pointed out.

"Fine…Let's just get this over with," I grumbled.

"Do you want to hold my hand?" she offered.

I smiled and took it without hesitation.

"One," she started

"Two," I whined.

"Three," we said together, and then we were flying through the air.

It wasn't my first cliff, but it was definitely the first time I had chosen to do something so reckless without the hope of death. It was surprisingly exhilarating, and as my body hit the icy water, all I could think about was how alive I felt. It was like an electric shock to my system, and her hand still firmly in mine made me realize that it had nothing to do with the fall. Bella was my own personal shot of adrenaline, and I couldn't help but want to hold onto that high for as long as possible.

"Woo!" Bella shouted excitedly after we surfaced and caught our breath. "You still with me?"

"I'm still with you," I murmured.

"Good…Now let's get out. I'm freezing."

I chuckled. "Okay, let's go."

She let go of my hand so we could swim to shore, and strangely enough, I almost felt lonely without her touch. Her hand in mine had felt so foreign just a few hours before, and now I was left wondering how I ever lived without it.

Once on dry land we began our trek up the trail leading back to the top of the cliff, and I immediately moaned from the discomfort of hiking wet and barefoot, however somehow Bella knew exactly how to shut me up; she took my hand once again, and shot me a breathtaking smile making everything else fade away.

"So…do you want me to drive you home now?" she asked when we finally made it back to the truck.

"Are you tired?" I asked, turning the question back around on her.

She shrugged. "To be honest, I'm kind of an insomniac. If you want to go home, I'll probably just head back to my house and read for a few hours."

I actually was tired, I was always tired, but I'd rather stay with her and fight sleep than leave her and go home. "Well, it's probably almost morning. We can go drive somewhere and watch the sun rise."

"I know the perfect place," she said excitedly. We got into her truck, and she cranked up the heater before driving us on a narrow dirt road to the top of a mountain peak, where she parked with the ocean behind us and the wide eastern sky in front.

"Wow, I can't believe I've never been here before," I said in awe as we looked down at the twinkling lights of civilization below.

"Not a lot of people know about this spot. The road to get here was just an old access road for loggers and the forestry fire department. My dad told me about it a few months ago, and I've been coming ever since."

"That's cool. Have you brought Alice here before? I'm surprised she never said anything."

"No…I haven't brought anyone here," she replied, suddenly becoming almost shy in a way I wasn't expecting. "Sometimes I get a little…zany, and I need a way to calm down a bit, so I drive up here and spend a few hours alone just…unwinding. If I brought other people here then it would take away from the peaceful refuge I get from this place."

"Why'd you bring me then?" I asked softly.

She raised her shoulders. "Felt right… I'm actually really glad you're here with me…It's nice."

"I'm glad too," I said sincerely.

I didn't remember either of us moving, but somehow our faces were within inches of each other. I could feel her heat, and taste her breath as it washed over my face in delicious waves of temptation. What would she do if I just leaned in and pressed my mouth to hers? What would I do? What would it even feel like? There was a phantom tingling on my lips as if I could almost sense what it was like to kiss someone -_to kiss her_; it was like a déjà vu, or an echo of a forgotten dream.

Deep down I doubted the Quileute could really break the curse and relieve my incessant suffering, therefore growing attached to Bella would only end in more misery, but at that moment I just didn't care. She didn't believe in commitments, and I could never promise her a future, so in a way we were a perfect match - a perfect match for the present, with no need to worry about the future. Was that something I could really do?

Unfortunately for me, the intense moment we were sharing broke when a sliver of orange peeked above the horizon. She turned her face to watch it, and then surprised me yet again by clinging onto my arm and resting her head on my shoulder. "Beautiful, isn't it?"

"Absolutely," I murmured while staring at the way her face looked, perfectly at peace against me.

Her hand found its way back to mine, and we just sat there silently while gently caressing each other's fingers until the sun was high in the sky, and then she sighed and pulled away. "I guess we should head home and shower before going to La Push."

I wanted to tell her to just forget the whole thing since it was probably hopeless, but I decided it was worth one last try; at least we'd have an excuse to spend more time together. "That's a good idea."

When she pulled up to my house, she turned to me and smiled. "I can be back in an hour to pick you up. Will that be enough time for you?"

"I think that will be perfect. Thanks." I shut the truck door then stood there like an idiot as I watched her drive out of sight.

Suddenly the house door squeaked open behind me. "Oh, Edward!" Esme cried before wrapping her arms around me from behind. "Two attempts in less than a month? That's bad, even for you?"

I turned around to look at her. "Two attempts for what?"

"Carlisle told me about how you drove your car off a cliff, and last night you didn't come home and Alice dreamed that you jumped off another cliff," she said full of concern as she looked at the salt-stiffened mess that my clothes and hair were in. "Tell us what's wrong dear, and we'll find a way to fix it together."

I laughed. "I thought Carlisle had an obligation to keep confessions private?"

"Well I pretty much guessed it when I saw that your car was missing."

"Esme, you don't have to worry…"

"I don't have to worry? You tried killing yourself…_Twice_!"

"I'm immortal," I reminded her.

"But there is only so much your emotions can bear," she argued. "We can't help you if you don't let us in."

"When have I ever let anyone in?"

"Maybe it's time."

I nodded. "Maybe you're right." I leaned in and kissed her cheek, before impatiently running past her into the house to take my shower.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I made the mistake of rushing through my shower, and then I was ready way too soon.

"Damn it, it's only been ten minutes," I grumbled to myself when I looked at my wall clock. Rather than going downstairs and opening myself to an intrusive round of questioning from my family, I decided to just stay in my room and read for the remainder of the hour, but I found it nearly impossible to concentrate on the book when my mind kept drifting back to Bella. The sound of her laughter, the image of her biting her lower lip, her amazingly wacko attitude towards life, the way she seemed to look right through me; everything about her completely fascinated me.

Living forever made time drag on, but waiting that hour was almost more excruciatingly slow than all of the past two hundred years combined. On top of daydreaming about how great Bella was, I also stressed about the very real possibility that she might not even come back. What if something else already sparked her interest more? What if she decided she didn't want to help me after all, or she was bored with my friendship the way Alice feared she was bored with hers? It was definitely dangerous making plans with someone as fickle as Bella who hated making plans.

Just when I began losing track of the minutes while pondering Bella's mindboggling personality, my heart jumped at the sound of a loud truck rumbling to a stop outside. I reflexively glanced at the clock and noticed it had only been forty minutes since she left, so I concluded that Bella was either just as eager as I was, or it wasn't her. I slowly walked to the window to peek out, and I couldn't help the wide grin that spread across my face when I saw Bella's old beater parked out front.

The doorbell rang as I was racing down the stairs, and before Esme even reached the fore, I cut past her. "I got it!" I shouted as I ran out, shutting the door behind me. "Hey," I said to Bella with a smile.

"Hey you," she replied. "Where's the fire?"

"Oh I just wanted to take off before my family kidnaps you and makes us stay for a few hours," I said honestly.

"Maybe when we're done with La Push I can come back and visit with them for a bit. I really like your family, and I sort of feel bad that I haven't spent any time with Alice in a while."

I smiled. "That would be cool," I said, hoping I sounded casual and not desperate. I wanted to spend as much time with her as she would allow, even if that meant sharing her with my family.

"So, can I ask you something?" she said as she began driving us towards La Push.

I laughed once. "I never thought you were the type to ask if you could ask something."

"That is true, but…I don't know, you make me feel a little uncertain about some things sometimes."

"Really?" I asked surprised. "You never seem uncertain about anything."

"Uncertainty is part of what makes life so interesting…but I admit, I don't feel uncertain too often, which is just one of the reasons why I enjoy spending time with you."

"Because I make you feel uncertain?" I asked confused.

"Among other things," she said cryptically, but before I could ask her what she meant, she was back to her original question. "So can I ask you something, or not?"

"Of course you can. Shoot."

"Where are your parents? I mean, what happened to them?"

I scratched my head confused. "I think they're back at the house, and I'm not sure anything happened to them. Why?"

"No…I meant your biological parents," she clarified. "Alice said you and her were adopted by the Cullens."

"If you were that curious about our family, then why didn't you just ask Alice?"

She shrugged. "I didn't want to upset her if it was a sensitive subject or something."

"But you don't mind upsetting me?" I asked with a chuckle.

She bit her lower lip. "Is it weird that I feel like I can talk to you about anything, even if it may upset you?"

I smiled. "It is weird seeing how you just said that I make you feel uncertain about things. How can you feel both simultaneously? Comfortable enough to talk to me about anything, and so uncertain at the same time. Aren't those two emotions contradictory?"

She grinned widely. "I love unexplainable contradictions like that. So exciting."

I laughed again. "I guess so."

"So?" she prompted me. "What happened to your parents?"

I took a deep breath while I thought about what lie I wanted to tell her, and then I decided honesty was always best – well, as much honesty as possible in my situation. "They died…a long time ago. Neither of them had autopsies, but I'm fairly certain my father succumbed to heart failure, and my mother died a few years later of other natural health related issues. Alice and I are lucky Carlisle and Esme took us in as their own. I don't know how we could have stayed together if they didn't."

"So…none of your other siblings are their natural children either?"

I shook my head. "Nope. We came together because we all needed a family, and I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to spend my life with."

"I think that's awesome," she said sincerely.

"It is, and when we get married, you'll get to be part of that group as well," I joked.

"Yeah, about that, I don't think I'm going to be able to marry you after all," she joked back. "I could never make one of those '_till death do us part'_ promises."

"Eh, divorce is easy these days," I continued.

"I don't think I necessarily agree with that," she replied, suddenly sounding serious. "My dad still hasn't gotten over my mom divorcing him after all this time. It's actually really sad. Unrequited love has to be the most agonizing thing in the universe."

A sharp pain unexpectedly shot through my chest. "Yeah…I guess," I mumbled.

She must have felt the way the atmosphere in the truck abruptly shifted, because she turned her head to look at me perplexed; I was only grateful she was driving and couldn't stare. She was far too perceptive, and I certainly didn't want her voicing whatever thoughts she was having on the matter when I wasn't even sure what had caused the sudden mood swing myself.

An awkward cloud settled on us for the remainder of the short trip to La Push, and we both seemed relieved when we finally arrived and were able to retreat from the tension.

"So this is my friend Jacob's house; since you don't know who you're looking for, I figured we could just start here and see if Jake or his dad can help us."

"Great," I said while following her to the doorway.

Before she could even knock, the door swung open and suddenly she was being spun around by an oversized man-child. "Hey Loca, where the hell have you been?" he asked her excitedly.

"Oh, you know me," she said when he finally released her.

"Well I'm honored to have sparked your interest again," he replied, and then he noticed me. "Who's this?"

"This is my friend Edward; Edward, this is Jacob."

The polite thing would've been to extend my hand to the boy and greet him properly, but at the moment I wasn't feeling very proper. "Hey," I said, perhaps a little colder than I intended.

The kid ignored me. "Since when do you date?" he asked Bella rudely.

Her face turned the most beautiful shade of pink I had ever seen. "Jacob," she chided him. "I said he was my _friend_."

"Yeah well, Charlie just mentioned to my dad that you've been seeing some older guy. He's not too happy about it, you know."

"Oh don't be silly," Bella said dismissively. "My dad would never care about something like that. Besides, Edward's not older, and like I said, we're just friends for now."

_For now_? My heart jumped. Who could have guessed two little words would create such a reaction from me.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who noticed her particular choice of words. "Humph," Jacob said while crossing his arms and attempting to intimidate me by staring me down. "I'd tread carefully, if I were you," he warned me strangely.

I glanced at Bella, and she looked just as confused as I was.

"Well it's a good thing he's not you," she told him with more attitude than I've heard from her before. "Because I wouldn't still be hanging with him if he were. Come on Edward, I have a better idea," she said before storming back to her truck. Jacob and I exchanged a couple of dirty looks before I turned and followed her.

"What was all that about?" I asked Bella as she backed us out of the driveway.

She huffed. "Sorry I snapped, I just don't have patience for Jacob's childish insecurities. He can be a sweet kid, but sometimes he just annoys the hell out of me."

"No wonder you don't hang with him often," I said with a light laugh.

She glanced at me and smirked. "No kidding."

"So, where are we going now?" I asked clueless.

"The Blacks aren't the only family I know around here."

She drove us across town, and pulled up to another house. Like with that Jacob kid, before we could even knock on the door, a teen boy came out. "Bella, hey," he said, and then looked at me strangely. "Who's this?"

"Hey Quill, this is my friend Edward; Edward this is Quill," she introduced us.

Unlike with the last punk, I decided to extend my hand to the boy. "Hey, nice to meet you," I told him as he shook my hand.

"Yeah, you too. What can I do for you guys?" Quill asked courteously.

"Um, well, Edward is doing a college project on the Quileute, and I was hoping to introduce him to your grandfather," Bella told him.

"What for?" the kid asked, becoming oddly suspicious.

"Because he's the eldest council member, and if anyone can answer all of Edward's questions, it's him."

Quill narrowed his eyes at me, and then sighed. "Now Bella, you know I can't take this guy to my grandfather…No offense or anything," he said to me quickly. "My grandpa doesn't like to speak English very often, and he refuses to talk to a paleface he doesn't know, except…"

"Except what?" I asked when he let his sentence trail off.

"Except if that paleface was to…make a substantial donation to our local recreation center. Being the top councilman, my grandfather feels the need to personally thank anyone who makes a large donation to the reservation of any kind, and our rec center in particular could use the money. Our basketball court really needs new backboards."

"How much?" I asked hesitantly.

He pretended to think about it. "Five thousand should be efficient, especially from a private donor."

"Five thousand dollars?" I spat. "For a meeting with your grandfather?"

"No, it's for basketball backboards," he played innocent.

"That's fucking extortion!" I snapped at him. "Which is illegal!"

"Hey, you're on the res, bro; American laws don't apply here," Quill said like a smartass.

"Oh yeah, well fuck you!" I told him. "I'm not giving you a fucking dime."

"Fine, then you can't talk to my grandfather," he said carelessly.

I laughed once humorlessly, and seriously considered punching him in the face, but then Bella grabbed my hand. "That's a real douchebag thing to do Quill," she said casually before pulling me back towards her truck.

"So…know anyone else…anyone non-douchebag-y?" I asked her bitterly.

She smiled. "I do, but Quill is really our best bet."

"So basically there's nothing more we can do then, right?"

"I'm thinking."

She continued thinking in silence all the way back to Forks, and then she pulled into a parking lot and turned to look at me full on. "How important is this to you?" she asked seriously.

I thought about it for a minute. "Incredibly," I told her.

She nodded. "Okay, then we'll just have to get the money."

I sighed. "It's fucking ridiculous…but…I guess I can talk to Carlisle about it. _Damn, I just wrecked a perfectly good car I could have sold for that money_," I grumbled to myself.

"You wrecked your car? Are you okay?" Bella asked me concerned.

"Other than the fact that I now have to take the bus everywhere, I'm fine," I assured her.

"Taking the bus is good for you. You never know who you'll meet or what kind of experience you'll have."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," I said with a smirk. "So I guess we should go back to my house so I can talk to Carlisle."

"Nope, I have a better idea," she said before practically jumping out of the truck. "Come on!"

"Uh…okay, I said while getting out much slower, and then following her around a building. "What are we doing here?"

She paused to wink at me, and then she opened the door and held it for me to enter after her. The moment I walked inside I was bombarded by the hot savory smell of…pizza. _Uh?_

"Hello, we're here to apply for the two open positions," Bella said to the woman behind the counter.

"Uh Bella," I mumbled anxiously.

"It might take a little while, but between the both of us we can make that five thousand easily," she told me.

"Fill out these applications," the woman said evenly.

"Thanks," Bella said with a smile, and then she took both applications and walked over to an empty table to begin filling hers out. "Here, write down your information."

"I can't," I said automatically, refusing to sit down. "I can't work…I'm not an American citizen…I'm an illegal alien…from Canada," I lied pathetically.

Bella giggled and then shamelessly dug her hand in my back pocket, and pulled out my wallet. "Alice did tell me you two were from Chicago," she said while pulling out my driver's license. "Now put you license number down there and fill out the rest."

Fuck, I knew all those fake IDs would come back to bite me in the ass one day. "Fine."

After I completed all my falsified information on the application, Bella and I handed them into the boss lady. We expected to hear from her later, but the woman just glanced over them quickly and then looked at us and said - "You're both hired, and you start immediately."

"Immediately?" I questioned confused. "Well, that's not conventional."

"I have a party of over fifty people about to come in, and I'm shorthanded. If you want the job, then you'll start immediately. Now get in the kitchen."

I had an overwhelming urge to tell the lady to go fuck herself, but once again, Bella refused to let me get my insult out; she just grabbed my hand and pulled me to where we were supposed to be.

"Do you do this with all your friends?" I asked amused.

"What?"

"Pull them wherever you want them to go. You seem to do it a lot," I said while wiggling our conjoined hands so she understood what I meant. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining…about the hand holding that is, but is it common for you, or I should feel special?"

She giggled. "You _should _feel special, but then again, everybody is special in their own right. I actually do like pulling you around everywhere Edward, more-so than anyone else I've known before; I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe you're like a broken down car and I'm the tow truck, driving you off to get fixed…Yeah, I like that."

"So the car _repair shop _is a pizzeria?" I asked with a mix between a laugh and a moan.

"Oh stop complaining; a little hard work never hurt anyone."

The boss lady wasn't kidding when she said we needed to start working immediately; she basically gave a quick run through of what we needed to do, and then she left us there in the kitchen to do it. Ten minutes later we were covered in flour and well into our third pizza.

"I don't think this is Kosher," I whined as I followed the procedure of carelessly wiping away the meat products to make a vegetarian pie.

"I don't think this place cares," Bella laughed.

"Remind me to never order pizza here."

"This place makes everyone sick, that's why people only come here when they're having a big party. It's the cheapest pizza around."

"How long do we have to work here for until we earn the five thousand?" I whined, _again_.

"Minimum wage is nine thirty two an hour, so five thousand divided by nine point thirty two…is roughly five thirty six."

"We have to work here for five hundred and thirty six hours?" I asked incredulously.

"Well not if we split it."

"Okay, one, I'm not going to let you split this with me, and two, there is no way in hell I'm going to work here for even half that."

"Look, my dad never lets me help with the finances, and I have plenty of money saved up for all my other expenses for a while, so there's no reason why I can't pitch in for this," she insisted, getting increasingly more vehement as she spoke. "I told you I'd help you with whatever issue you have with the Quileute, so let me help you!"

"Okay," I said while putting my hands up in defeat. "Okay, whatever you want."

"Thank you," she said sharply. "Now get back to work," she added while throwing a glob of dough at my forehead, where it stuck momentarily and then slowly inched down my face before plopping down on the counter. She covered her shocked laugh with her hands. "Oh Edward, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to actually…well, I guess I did mean to throw it, but it was just a reaction…I didn't think it through."

I absently began nodding my head to the beat of her apology. "I can put up with your zany behavior, and your weird outlook on life, and I can even deal with you towing me wherever you want at any given time, day or night," I said slowly, "but you've gone too far this time."

"Edward, don't even…" I cut her off with a huge wad of dough, thrown right at her mouth. "Oh, now it's war," she said playfully.

Crumbled sausage bombs, sliced pepperoni ninja disks, shredded cheese shrapnel showered from every direction, and the red sauce splattered about served as blood on the battlefield. There didn't seem to be a square foot of that place left unscathed. Needless to say, the boss lady wasn't too happy about the situation. "You're both fired! Get out before I call the police!"

"Will we still be paid for today?" I asked as professionally as possible, given the sloppy mess I was covered in.

"Pay you? After all the ingredients you've wasted here, you should pay me!"

"This looks much worse than it actually is," I argued. "Calculating the amount of food wasted, and the amount of work we actually did, you should still pay us…"

"Get out!" she screamed at us.

"Thanks for the opportunity," Bella said quickly before once again, grabbing my arm and dragging me away. "This is, by far, the shortest job I've ever had," Bella laughed as we got back into her truck.

"I tried telling you it was a bad idea."

"Well at least I had an idea, which is more than you had," she argued.

"True…So what now?"

She shrugged. "Maybe we should call it a day and try to think of something tomorrow."

"So…you want to go to my place for a while?"

"Definitely...but let's stop at my house first. I want to get some clean clothes and my toothbrush just in case I end up sleeping over."

_Uh…_ "You want to sleep over?" I asked, feeling like there was a rather large lump in my throat.

"Maybe. Let's see how the rest of the day goes," she said casually.

My stomach twisted anxiously. "Yeah…that's a good idea."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I wasn't sure who was more excited about Bella's presence in our home - me, or my family.

"Oh Bella, I'm so glad you're here; now the teams will be even in Pictionary!" Esme said enthusiastically.

Emmett and I moaned at the same time. "Please no Pictionary," Em begged. "You haven't forced us to play that in years, why start now?"

"Because now we can have even teams," Esme said, refusing to back down.

"Esme you're going to bore poor Bella into wanting to go home," Alice said nervously.

"I love Pictionary," Bella contradicted.

"Oh…Me too," Alice lied quickly. "I'm not sure how anyone could dislike it."

"Should we do men versus women, or individual teams of two?" Carlisle asked.

"Let's let Bella decide," Alice suggested.

We all turned to look at Bella for her decision, so she shrugged before saying - "I'll be on Edward's team."

"I don't know, I'm pretty competitive; do you think you can keep up?" I asked her playfully.

"Are you kidding? I have mad skills in Pictionary."

"Alrighty then, let's do this," I told everyone.

Bella was actually only half right when it came to her "_mad skills"_. She was a great guesser, but her drawing capabilities were practically nonexistent. By the grace of god I was somehow able to decipher her blobs and chicken scratch into actual images, and we ended up blowing the others out of the water.

After winning three times in a row, Emmett became a poor sport and quit, and Esme decided it was time to get started on dinner.

"Oh, I'll help you, Mrs. Cullen," Bella said while jumping up and following her into the kitchen.

The six of us left in the living room just stared at each other dumbfounded. It was entirely abnormal for anyone to offer Esme help with the cooking, and to be honest, none of us even realized it until that moment.

"Well, I feel like shit," Rosalie mumbled.

"Esme enjoys doing all the cooking…and all the cleaning…right?" Alice asked unsure.

"I think we've all slacked off with the household chores," Carlisle pointed out.

"But Esme does enjoy doing it," Emmett argued.

"Does she really?" I asked. "Or does she just do it because nobody else will?"

"I think she enjoys taking care of people," Jasper cut in, "but that doesn't mean she wouldn't appreciate some help every once in a while. We should all be ashamed of ourselves."

"Well, it's never too late," Carlisle said while standing up and heading into the kitchen.

One by one we all got up and followed his lead, and Bella didn't hesitate to put us all to work. Rosalie was in charge of the salad, Carlisle cut the meat, Jasper diced the vegetables, Alice set the table, and Emmett and I tackled the biscuits - rendering me, for the second time of the day, covered in flour.

"I really hope this doesn't become a habit," I said to Bella while pointing at the powder on my stomach.

Bella giggled and tugged playfully on the bottom hem of my shirt. "But you look so good in white."

"Well so do you," I said while cradling her face gently in my messy hands, and then smearing flour all over her nose and cheeks.

"Thanks for that," she said casually. "I did forget to powder my face today."

"Oh Bella, that's not the kind of powder you should use as makeup," Alice said seriously. "It'll do horrible things to your pores, not to mention the fact that it'll never blend in."

"Alice, she was joking," Rose stated the obvious.

"You were?" Alice asked confused. "I mean, of course you were. I was joking too."

I had never seen my little sister so desperate for anyone's friendship before, but her attempts to get Bella to like her just made her seem strange - _even stranger than she actually was_. It was sad, and there was a big part of me that just wanted to do the protective big brother thing and take Bella aside to beg her to at least pretend to like her, but luckily I didn't have to.

"Alice, you have the best jokes," Bella said before wrapping her arms around Alice's little body, and hugging her tightly the way only a good friend would.

After they embraced, Alice's expression was like a kid seeing Disneyland for the first time. "You know what, I have lots of jokes. Lots and lots," she told Bella enthusiastically. "We should totally have a girl's day sometime soon and I can tell them all to you."

"Please don't include me in that girl's day," Rose groaned to herself.

Bella surprisingly glared at Rose, and then turned back to Alice with a smile. "I think that would be great. We should plan it for next week."

"Really?" Alice squealed. "I didn't think you liked to make plans."

"I don't normally, but I think it would be fun and I've missed spending time with you, so let's make a plan."

"Okay, yeah. How about Tuesday?"

"Can't wait," Bella said warmly.

When dinner was ready, Bella sat between me and Alice, and Alice couldn't have been happier about it. That little detail alone would have been enough to make me happy, since my sister's wellbeing had been my main priority for most of my life, but the fact that Bella kept putting her hand on my lap as we ate, nearly blew me over the moon.

Usually dinners for us were quiet; I suppose after two hundred years together we didn't have much left to say, but having Bella there sparked a new energy amongst us, and there was hardly a dull moment. Alice had a new friend, but Emmett had a new person to tease, and Rose had new reasons to make snide comments, and Esme had a new person to swap recipes with, and Carlisle had new answers for his questions about The Quileute. Besides Bella's unique and fascinating way of looking at things, she was also sweet and funny, and when my family wasn't bombarding her with those various topics, we were all laughing hysterically at the stories she told about her different jobs and her many crazy adventures with her mom.

Without even realizing it, we had spent four hours sitting around the dinner table, and it wasn't until our asses started throbbing did we finally decide to get up and start moving. Everyone helped with the cleanup as well; Esme was so shocked that she didn't even know what to do with herself.

The kitchen was spotless in record time, and then we all migrated to the living room where we surprisingly decided to hang out together even longer. Without thinking, I sat in my usual seat which was a chair across from the couch, but rather than choosing one of the open seats around the room, Bella made herself quite at home right on my lap. Everyone was shocked by her action, including me, but it only took a moment for the conversation to pick up speed again, and everyone seemed to forget about the awkwardness of her position…at least, they forgot for a little while.

"So are you guys a couple now?" Emmett asked playfully.

"I've made the conscious decision to not couple with anyone," Bella said casually. "I've seen the kind of destruction breakups can cause, so I have no desire to go through that myself."

"Well that's a little hypocritical of you, isn't it," Rosalie said unexpectedly.

"What do you mean?" Bella asked confused.

"I totally understand the fear of marriage; I mean, who wants to stay with someone you don't love just because you're legally tied to them, but…forcing yourself to _not_ be with someone is just as bad." Rose pointed out. "Either way you're not following your heart."

Bella was quiet for a moment, and then she sighed. "Just because someone follows their heart, doesn't mean the object of their love feels the same way. The chance of two people loving each other completely for their entire life is slim to none; someone is bound to get hurt."

She had absolutely no idea how wrong she was considering all the eternal couples in the room, but there was no way any of us could point that out. Of course, that didn't stop Rose from taking another jab at her…

"So, basically you want everyone to believe you're some free spirit, when in reality you're just a prisoner of your own fears," Rose said brazenly. "You're nothing more than a coward."

"Rose!" Esme chided her.

"It's okay, Mrs. Cullen," Bella assured her. "To be honest, my past experiences with couples haven't been good, so perhaps I have developed an unhealthy fear of relationships, but…I'm okay with that. I don't feel like I've turned my back on anything, or that I've missed out in any way. Some people center their lives around their significant others, but I choose to center my life around myself. I understand that seems narcissistic, and it may be hard for people to understand, but it's the way I was raised and it's the way I want to continue to live. I have dated before, but I've always made it perfectly clear that I had no intentions of anything long term, and they've all either understood or decided not to even give me any time at all, and that's okay too… I really don't get why you have an issue with the way _I_ choose to live. I'm not hurting you, or anyone else."

"No, but you're about to hurt my brother!" Rosalie snapped.

"What?" I asked confused.

Rosalie ignored me. "Edward doesn't date, and the fact that he's dating _you_ proves that you've had an effect on him, and I can already see you completely trampling on his heart. It's not a matter of _if,_ it's _when_, and when someone hurts my family, I will always have an _issue_!"

"Rose, we're not dating," I told her, but she just rolled her eyes at me, which only pissed me off even more than I already was. "You know perfectly well why I don't date, so I really have no idea why you think I'd ever make an exception. Bella and I are friends, nothing more."

"Friends with benefits," Emmett coughed.

"Actually I do think there are a lot of benefits to being friends with Edward," Bella said flagrantly. "He's fun, and adventurous, and…"

"Fun and adventurous?" Emmett laughed. "You sure we're talking about the same Edward?"

"Fuck you," I said offended.

"He doesn't look at me like I'm a lunatic," Bella continued, "at least not to the point where he's sincerely disturbed. We both know we're not always going to want to hang out together, but we're having fun right now, so what's wrong about that?"

"There's nothing wrong with that," Esme said supportively before shooting Rosalie a dirty look. "Rose is somewhat of an old fashioned hopeless romantic; she just really doesn't understand platonic friendships."

Bella shifted her weight on my lap. "I didn't say we were platonic," she said, nearly making me choke on my own spit.

"So you _are_ friends with benefits?" Emmett snickered.

"Why does everything have to be so defined?" Bella said defensively. "We are whatever we want to be. No labels necessary."

"And it's none of our business," Esme said sternly to Rose. "It's getting late; I think it's time we all turn in. Bella, will you be staying with us tonight? I can make up the sofa bed in Carlisle's office."

"Thanks, but I think I'll just bunk with Edward…if that's okay," Bella said shamelessly.

Rose raised an eyebrow at me.

I smirked. "You know, I never did have slumber parties with my friends when I was a kid…this should be a blast," I said flippantly before gently pushing Bella off of my lap and then leading her towards the stairs. "Goodnight," I called back to my family, who all wore different levels of amusement on their faces.

"Goodnight," Bella echoed.

"Wow, that was…fun," I said as I shut us in my bedroom.

"Was I out of line?" she asked, mildly concerned. "I never know when I've gone too far."

I wrinkled my nose and shook my head. "Nah, challenging Rose every once in a while is good for her."

"She was just being protective of you…I actually think it's sweet."

I laughed once. "Rose has been described as many things, but _sweet_ has never been one of them."

"You have a great family, Edward, you're lucky."

"I know I am," I said confidently. "But I'd still prefer them to mind their own business."

"I understand that."

"Hey listen, I wanted to thank you for humoring Alice before," I said sincerely. "I know she's not the easiest person to be around, so I really appreciate you trying. You have no idea what it means to her."

"You don't have to thank me for that. I like Alice, and if anyone understands unique personalities, it's me. I never meant to not spend time with her; I've just been distracted lately."

"Still, thank you," I said, knowing she wasn't being completely honest about her fondness for my sister.

"So…" she said, only pausing to plop down on my bed. "What should we do now?"

I crawled next to her, and rested on my elbows. "Whatever you want," I said with a yawn, suddenly feeling beyond exhausted. It had to be the longest stretch of time I had gone without sleep since the curse, and it was finally catching up to me.

Bella, on the other hand, was still wide awake - at least she pretended to be. My yawn made her yawn, but she quickly fought it off and forced herself off the bed. "You know, we should tell Quill about your spears; maybe they'd mean something to him and he'd take us to his grandpa without the money."

"You think that would work?" I mumbled as my eyelids felt increasingly heavy.

"Are you falling asleep?" she asked with playful disapproval. "No, you can't sleep. It's still early!"

"Early? It's almost midnight, and in case you forgot, we didn't sleep last night either," I argued feebly.

"I thought we were having a slumber party," she whined.

I chuckled before rolling over on my back. "What are we going to do, eat junk food and tell scary stories? Or did you want to braid my hair?"

She giggled mischievously. "Can I?"

"No," I said automatically.

"Oh come on, I'd give anything to get my hands on that messy mop," she said while wiggling her fingers towards me.

"There's no way in hell," I put my foot down.

Two minutes later I found myself sitting on the floor with by back against my bed, and Bella was sitting above me, braiding my fucking hair. "How the hell did this happen?" I asked incredulously. I didn't even know my hair was long enough to braid.

"Your hair is so soft. What shampoo do you use?" Bella asked as she began combing her fingers through it.

Her nails on my scalp felt amazing, but I wasn't about to admit it. "I don't know; whatever Esme puts in there."

"Oh ho, I forgot, mommy does all your shopping, doesn't she," she teased me.

"Yeah, and she's good at it," I pouted.

"Wait, it smells…" she leaned her face into my hair, "it smells like strawberries. Aw, you use women's shampoo, how cute."

"I didn't know shampoo was gender specific," I grumbled.

"It's definitely not a very manly smell."

"That's okay; I'm not trying to impress anyone."

"Well, you impressed me."

"At least that's something," I said with a laugh.

"Oh darn, do you know what I just realized?" she said suddenly.

"What?"

"I brought my toothbrush and a change of clothes, but I didn't bring any jammies. Do you have a T shirt I can sleep in?"

"Uh…sure," I said before getting up and heading to my closet. I was never a big T shirt kind of guy, so all I had to offer her was one of my white under shirts. "I hope this is okay," I told her as I walked back. In the minute it took to fetch the shirt, Bella's restlessness brought her back to my CD shelf, where she was once again, looking at my collection - or at least I thought she was…

"Who's this?" she asked, surprisingly serious.

I glanced over her shoulder to see what she was talking about, and then my stomach twisted. "Uh…no one," I said, trying to take the small sketch out of her hands, but she moved it out of my reach.

"It's amazing, did you draw this?" she asked as she continued to stare at it.

"No…Alice drew that one."

"She's beautiful… Your mom?" Bella questioned.

"Nope," I said, popping the P.

"Well whoever she is, she must have been important enough for you to keep this up with your prized CDs," she said, halfway joking. Bella turned the sketch over and read the inscription on the back - "_Edward, now you don't have to just see her in your dreams. I hope Beth's face brings you some solace_. _Love, Alice_… So um, old girlfriend?" she guessed.

I squeezed my eyes shut and clawed my fingers across my scalp. "More or less," I replied through gritted teeth.

"Bad break up?"

"Not exactly… She died…a while back," I admitted.

"Your girlfriend died? That's horrible, I'm really sorry Edward. I guess that explains a lot."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked baffled.

"Well…it explains why you don't date, and why you're so…conflicted and bitter about everything."

"How can _you_, of all people, be so judgmental of my choice not to date? You don't date either."

"I'm not judging your choice; I'm just saying I finally understand it. I have completely different reasons for my choice, reasons you already know, but most people don't share my view on things, so something like this would explain _your_ choice… How did she die?"

I pressed my lips. "Can we just…not talk about this right now?" I asked solemnly.

She stared at me for a minute, and then she nodded. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to pry or bring up painful memories," she said while handing the sketch back to me.

"You didn't do anything wrong," I assured her quietly. I put the sketch back in its place - shoved in amongst my CDs where it wasn't really visible - and then I turned back to Bella and handed her the shirt. "I hope this is okay."

"It'll be perfect, thank you," she said softly, and then she took the shirt to my conjoining bathroom to get changed.

It was obvious that Bella felt bad about the way she pressed me on the sketch, but the truth was that I wasn't all that upset, which kind of surprised me. More than the painful memory of Beth, I was just anxious about how I would explain her to Bella, and I was grateful she didn't insist for more details.

Bella quickly emerged from the bathroom, and the sight of her wearing nothing but my T shirt and a pair of panties nearly made me fall over. The shirt wasn't exactly thick, and I could see so much more than I expected, so I was forced to fight one of the most difficult battles of my life - keeping my eyes on her face.

I was seriously screwed…


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"You know what we should do?" Bella asked me excitedly.

"Go to sleep?" I moaned. Somehow we ended up lying on my bed again, and we managed to do it without giving me an erection despite the way she was dressed; it had to be a miracle of some kind, and after being so evilly cursed for so long, I'd take whatever miracle I could get. Of course, it was hard to get aroused when you're sleep deprived…

"Do you know how much time is wasted when people sleep?" she said as she oddly started tracing my ear with her finger tip. "I heard the average person will sleep for twenty five years in their lifetime."

"What. Are. You. Doing?" I asked disturbed.

"You have really nice ears."

"Um…Thank you," I said, having no idea what else to say.

"As much as I'd love to lay here and stare at the side of your head all night, we should do something," Bella said eagerly.

I huffed, and then turned my head to look at her. "What do you have against sleeping? I mean, besides the wasted time and all. Sleep is important; it's the only way we'll have the energy to do all the crazy shit you like to do during the day. An occasional all-nighter is one thing, but I don't think I can do two in a row."

"Aw, you need your beauty sleep," she teased me.

"Yes," I said without hesitation. "Why don't you?"

"I told you, I'm an insomniac."

"Usually insomniacs are exhausted all the time, but they just can't fall asleep for whatever reason; you, on the other hand, never seem tired at all."

She bit her lower lip. "I'm actually pretty tired, I just hide it well….I get that from my mom."

"Yeah, but why?"

"Well…my mom...she always had really bad dreams, so she and I would stay awake for as long as possible until her brain was just too tired to conjure the nightmares. I guess I just adapted to her schedule."

"Well I think it's time to adapt to a new schedule; one where you sleep like the rest of the human population."

"I can't. If I try to sleep right now I'll lie awake all night, I have to be more tired."

"I don't think it's possible to be more tired than I already am," I grumbled.

"I know! Let's put on some music. Sometimes that helps."

I stared at her blankly.

"Oh come on, we can keep the volume down so we don't disturb your family," she insisted before jumping up and looking for a CD that she wanted to listen to. "This is perfect!"

A minute later a familiar beat filled the room…one that was nowhere close to being soothing.

"How is '_The Right Stuff'_ something that will help you sleep?" I questioned her.

"I'm just surprised you even have a _New Kids on the Block_ album," she giggled.

"Alice bought it for me," I said defensively.

"Oh really, well it looks like it's been listened to quite a bit."

"It was a phase, I'm over it," I said sheepishly.

"No way, there's no getting over something like The New Kids. Come on, dance with me."

"Are you nuts?" I said incredulously. "I can hardly keep my eyes open; I'm not dancing….especially to this shit."

"Well what kind of _shit_ would you dance to?" she asked impishly.

"None, I'm tired."

"Oh come on, I have a little energy left so I can't sleep yet. Just one dance and I'll be ready."

I growled out in frustration. "Babysitting quadruplets would be easier than hanging with you."

"Please," she begged.

"Look, I'm not a dancer, at least not a contemporary one. I like classical music, and…"

She gasped. "Do you know how to ballroom dance? I've always wanted to learn how to do that."

She didn't even give me time to answer; she just ran back to my stereo and put on Johannes Brahms. "Come on, just a few steps," she asked with her hands stretched out towards me.

"This is a Waltz," I told her.

"Great, come on," she said eagerly.

"Ugh, fine, but we're going to bed after," I insisted.

"Deal," she agreed.

I got off the bed, and briefly paused by the sight of her wearing nothing but my see-through white undershirt and her panties. _Fuck, how the hell was I supposed to dance with her like that?_

She started bouncing impatiently, which basically just made it even more difficult for me to move. "Come on, come on!" she pled.

I blinked out of my daze, and forced myself to move forward_. If I just keep my eyes up, I should be fine_ – At least that's what I told myself.

"So, put your hand on my shoulder," I instructed, "and the other hand goes in my hand. Just remember to keep your shoulders down and chin up."

"Like this?" she asked unsure.

"Yep. Now, you're going to step back while I step forward," I told her, but because I wasn't specific about which foot she should step with, we ended up crashing into each other. "Whoa, sorry," I told her as we tried to recover ourselves. Then the giggles came. She started laughing so much that it was impossible to teach her anything.

The Waltz was a serious dance and it should always be taken seriously, but I couldn't help but giggle with her as we sloppily went through the motions again, and repeatedly failed miserably. We kept getting tangled in each other, and at one point when our lower halves brushed together, I became increasingly aware of her near-nakedness…and she definitely noticed.

"Oh my god, do you have a hard on?" she laughed.

The gentlemanly thing would have been to deny it and then break away from her to discreetly try to hide it in some way, but I figured that would have just made it even more awkward than it already was, so I thought – _fuck it_. "Yeah well, what do you expect when you're dancing around practically nude? Any straight man would get a hard on from that."

She laughed harder. "I guess you're not so tired after all."

"No, I'm fucking pooped, but like I said, I'm not gay." – I couldn't believe how audacious I was being with her, and it actually made me slightly bitter. I wasn't Emmett; I didn't talk like that, and I certainly didn't take such subjects lightly. _What the hell was this girl doing to me?_

She continued to laugh for a while longer, but my bitterness had quickly taken over and I decided to go lay down; if she wasn't going to sleep, fine, but I wasn't going to stay up a moment longer.

"Oh, you don't have to be embarrassed," she cooed playfully after I covered my face with my arm.

"I'm not embarrassed. I'm tired, and since you won't go to bed, I have to shield my eyes from the light," I grumbled.

"Alright, you win," she relented. She shut off the light, and then I felt her crawling onto the bed next to me, so I finally relaxed.

"Edward," she said after a minute.

"Ugh, what?" I groaned.

"You can touch me if you want to." - Just like that, I was wide awake and completely flabbergasted. When I couldn't find a single thought in my head, and no words came out of my mouth, she added – "We don't have to make it a big deal."

Touching someone intimately was a very big deal, and if I had my wits about me I would have told her that, but at the moment my brain wasn't working properly and all I wanted to do was take her up on her offer. Of course I wanted to touch her. Who wouldn't? My morals be damned, I wanted to touch her more than I ever wanted anything. In fact, if forced to make the choice between breaking the curse and reaching over and touching her in that way, I would have chosen touching her.

"Don't think," she whispered.

I couldn't think even if I tried. I rolled over to face her, and my hand automatically went there. It was like I was possessed or something; my body immediately detached itself from my mental control, and I was but a helpless victim of its tasteless actions. I could feel my hand gently caress up her slit over her panties, and then I helplessly watched as my rogue fingers slowly made their way to the elastic band on her inner thigh, and then they had the audacity to travel underneath. _God I wished women wore chastity belts_.

I had no idea how it happened, but suddenly Bella was naked and I was desperately trying to devour her as she attempted to get my clothes off. Two hundred years of endless hunger pains and extreme exhaustion was nothing compared to this new yearning. There was no going back at that point, but I did vaguely realize that I should have been more nervous, however there was no trepidation whatsoever… only eager anticipation.

It was all a blur, but the moment I pushed into her was perfectly clear. She whimpered softly, but then grabbed onto me tighter and urged me to continue. As strange as it sounded, none of it was strange. It was intense and almost animalistic, and absolutely nothing close to what the men in my family had described it to be. The awkwardness they warned me about during one's first time was nonexistent, in fact it was the exact opposite; I felt like I knew every inch of her body without ever having to physically discover it. It was familiar in a way I could have never expected, and yet it was the single most exciting thing that had ever happened to me.

I had no idea how long it lasted; like the rest of my life, time had no meaning, but for once I was ecstatic about it. When I felt her inner walls pulsating around me, however, I knew I was done for, and suddenly I had an overwhelming feeling of regret – I wasn't ready for it to be over, and I had an odd sense that our first time would also be our last.

I kissed her one more time, and then I laid next to her so we could both take a moment to catch our breaths and come to terms with what just happened.

It was Bella who broke first – "Wow, now I get why everyone is so obsessed with sex," she said with a light lazy laugh.

Uh... "Wait, you're a virgin?" I asked stunned.

She giggled. "No, I _was _avirgin," she corrected me. "Why does that shock you?"

"I thought you were all about living in the moment, and stuff like that. Why haven't you had sex before?"

She shrugged. "Never wanted to."

"But you were so casual about it?" I questioned like a moron.

"I have nothing against sex, but this was the first time I actually felt like trying it. You don't need to worry about it though, I've been on birth control since I was thirteen."

Uh… "Why?" – _Not that I was worried anyway, the curse seemed to have made us all sterile_.

"My mom's idea. She always told me sex was fun and a natural part of life, but babies tie you down, so better safe than sorry."

"That's an odd thing for a mother to say to her daughter."

"I understood. Having a baby wasn't part of her plan, and that's okay; she still loved me and took care of me, she just wanted to make sure I had it easier than she did."

"But she's not around you anymore," I said softly.

"I'm an adult now. She can finally do what she wants on her own," she replied, just as softly.

I brushed the hair out of her face, and then I leaned in and kissed her again. It suddenly became obvious to me that Rose was actually right about her, she was scared of something, perhaps even scared of a lot of things, but she masked it well and I couldn't help but hope that she'd eventually let me in enough to help her.

She ran her hands through my hair as our kiss deepened, and then her body rolled towards mine and her hips began rocking in a not so subtle invite - an invite I couldn't turn down, even if I wanted to. After climaxing again, I held onto her for a bit longer, and just like the first time, I had a terrible feeling that I'd never hold her again after I let go. When I finally loosened my grip on her, I was astonished to see that she had actually fallen asleep in my arms. The sight of her, perfectly content and relaxed, completely took my breath away, and I wondered how I would ever really let her go.

I laid awake for what seemed like hours, just staring at her beautiful peaceful face and trying to comprehend all the jumbled thoughts in my mind. I felt like there was something I forgetting, something I needed to do, something I neglected to say, but I couldn't quite grasp it and I had the agonizing feeling that I was about to lose something important as a result.

At some point I must have fallen asleep, and as surprised as I was to open my eyes to the bright sun glaring through my window, I was oddly not surprised to find myself alone. Of course Bella wasn't still there; she was far too restless to stay in one place for an entire night and through the morning.

I got up and dressed before heading down the stairs, hoping to find Bella forcing small talk with Alice, but instead I found Esme alone, humming to herself in the kitchen.

"Hey…have you seen Bella?" I asked awkwardly.

"Oh yeah, she left about a half hour ago…She didn't tell you she was leaving?"

"No, I just woke up," I said absently.

"Oh… Is everything okay?" Esme asked concerned.

"Yeah…I just thought she'd still be here."

"Oh, did you have plans today?"

"No, she never makes plans, but…" I let my sentence trail off, and wasn't exactly sure why.

"Why don't you call her then?" she suggested. "Make sure she's okay, and all."

"Why wouldn't she be okay?" I snapped, surprising both of us.

"Um, it's none of my business, but she seemed…different; a little off, maybe. She just wasn't the normal friendly Bella I've come to expect from her. She was a bit jumpy and…I don't know, detached."

"Okay, there is a very strong smell of sex coming out of Edward's bedroom!" Emmett announced as he came into the room, and then he spotted me and smiled wickedly. "Aww dog, you finally lost it, didn't you?"

"Fuck you," I said before turning around and going back up to my bedroom; I certainly wasn't in the mood for his shit right then.

I decided that following Esme's advice of calling Bella was a bit too forward…so I texted her instead.

E – Hey, where'd you go?

After waiting for a response for over an hour, I was about to text her again, but finally she got back to me.

B – Just felt like going home.

E – Is everything okay?

B – Fine Y?

E – You disappeared on me.

B – I thought we agreed to keep it casual? I wanted to go home, so I did.

_Um…_ I was confused, but then again, when was I not confused when it came to her.

E – Okay. Are you going to come back?

B – I don't have any plans to.

My stomach twisted, and then I got a little angry and strangely started channeling Emmett…

E – Oh, I get it, a couple rolls in the sack and now you're bored with me. Nice. Well, fuck you!

The moment I sent the text, I regretted it. What the hell was wrong with me? Luckily, Bella didn't seem insulted.

B – Is that how it seemed? I'm sorry, didn't mean for that. I just knew you were getting irritated with me last night, and I didn't want it to be awkward this morning.

E – So…you left because you thought I didn't really want you here?

B – Maybe. I just don't want to be one of those psycho chicks that refuse to leave a guy alone just because they had sex.

I smirked.

E – I never thought that, and would never. I'd like it very much if you came back.

B – When?

E – Now.

B – Seriously?

E – I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't serious.

B – Okay.

I smiled triumphantly.

I took the quickest shower of my life, and then thought about changing my bed sheets since they definitely had a particular aroma that I wasn't used to, but that was when I heard Bella's truck pull up outside. I hurried down the stairs because I didn't want my family's intrusive stares making her feel uncomfortable, but somehow Alice beat me to the door.

"Hey, I didn't even know you left," I heard my sister say from the fore.

"Oh yeah, I had to shower and change," Bella replied in her usual carefree tone.

"Cool," Alice said, and then turned to look at me as I walked into their view. "Uh oh, what happened?" she asked me; she must have sensed the tension.

"Nothing," I said quickly before grabbing Bella's hand and leading her towards the stairs.

We didn't speak to each other on our way up, but because Emmett never missed an opportunity to heckle me, he popped his head out of his room just in time. "Wow Bella, back for more so soon," he said with a nod and a smirk.

"Fucking grow up, moron," I told him as we passed.

"Don't worry, I totally understand your urgency to get back to the bedroom," he called after us. "I used to get that all the time. Lucky bastard!"

When we finally made it back to the privacy of my room, I closed the door and fully intended to talk about whatever the hell made her take off the way she did, but the moment I turned back to her, she attacked me. Her aggressive kisses made it nearly impossible to do anything other than lift her up and pin her against the wall. My unexperienced mind had no idea what my body was planning, but I was pleasantly unsurprised when I somehow managed to thrust into her. I had no recollection of undoing my pants, or removing her panties; I couldn't even tell if she had any clothes left on at all, but my body knew exactly what it was doing, and damn was it amazing.

I never understood how my family members weren't as bitter about living forever as I was, but after experiencing physical ecstasy like that, I realized that I may have taken to eternity a little easier if I had someone to share it with as well. But I'd never have that, and my time with Bella could only be temporary - which she was quick to remind me of…

"Edward, promise me something," she said between kisses. Somehow we had made it to the bed, and even post climax we were still kissing like there was no tomorrow.

"What?" I managed to get out.

"Promise you'll tell me if you want me to leave you alone."

I kissed her one more time, and then pulled back so I could look at her. "Well technically, I did ask you to leave the first time you came into my room," I said with a light laugh at the end.

"That was different."

"How so?"

"That was before…when we weren't even friends yet, and you were in a sad reclusive state."

"Ouch," I joked.

"Everyone gets stuck in the slumps now and then, and I'm glad I was able to help you out of yours."

"You really are good at reading me, aren't you," I said with a smile.

She smiled back, but then became serious again. "You're a good guy, Edward, the kind of guy who would feel too guilty about taking my _virtue_ to ask me to leave when you really want me to."

I honestly couldn't imagine ever wanting her to leave, but the truth was that I could never promise her forever either, so reluctantly I said "I promise…as long as you promise me something in return."

"What?" she asked warily.

"Promise you'll never leave just because you think it's what I want. If you really want to stop seeing me, tell me, otherwise trust my desire to keep you around."

She smiled, then bit her lip. "Okay, I promise….but I probably will be tired of you soon," she said playfully. "Or you'll be tired of me. These types of things never last long."

"These types of things? What type of thing is this?" I asked confused.

She shrugged. "I don't see a reason to label it."

I nodded once. "Fair enough."

She smiled and then started grinding herself against me again. "Come on, I'm not here for heavy conversations. Now, get fucking."

I laughed, I couldn't help it, and she laughed too, and that was pretty much how the rest of the day went. Laughing and fucking. It was nirvana.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"So… is your mail going to start coming here soon?" Emmett teased Bella at dinner one night.

"Nah, there's never enough space in the mailbox with all your beauty magazines and muscle enhancement products," Bella replied without missing a beat.

"Hey, those aren't my magazines!" Emmett whined.

"Yes they are," Rose and Alice said simultaneously.

Emmett scowled. "It's not my fault they have the best tips for everything from cooking to fashion."

Rose giggled and then kissed him. "Aw honey, I love that you always try to look good for me."

"It's all for you baby," Emmett cooed at her before sticking his tongue in her mouth; the rest of us at the table moaned as a response. "Hey, we're not doing anything y'all don't do constantly as well," Emmett defended their impromptu make out session. "Not even Edward has the right to complain anymore."

"There's a time and place for that level of lovin," Jasper told him, "and it's not at the dinner table."

"On the contrary, Bella's constant presence in our home has taught us that living in the moment is important," Em argued.

"I do agree with you on that, Emmett," Bella granted. "But, a make out session is sort of like blowing your nose; if you absolutely have to do it at the table, that's one thing, but when possible you should step away and do it in the other room."

"Or we could always just grope each other under the table like the two of you constantly do," Rose said to Bella smugly.

Bella responded by not so subtly removing her hand from my inner thigh...and then placing it on the back of my neck where she began massaging – I certainly would never complain about either placement.

In the three weeks it had been since Bella and I promised each other that we'd always be honest about our desires to hang together, she had yet to leave my house longer than the time it took to get fresh clothes from hers. We couldn't get enough of each other, and in the times of self-induced forced socialization with my family, we always touched in some way whenever possible. We still refused to put a label on whatever our relationship was, but we were both okay with that; we each had our own reason for not wanting to commit to anything long term, so it worked for us. Always living in the now - it was a new concept for me, but it was fucking amazing.

Suddenly Alice cleared her throat anxiously. "Um Bella…I know you have this…thing with Edward, but…I was wondering if you'd want to… you know…uh, have that girl's day with me that we talked about before?"

Bella reflexively looked at me, and I could almost swear a moment of panic crossed her features, but then she turned back to my sister. "Oh Alice, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot about our plans… What if we have a girl's night tonight to make up for it?"

"Really?" Alice asked hopefully. "Tonight?"

"Yeah, let's both get ready and then go out."

"Okay, let's do it!" Alice said excitedly before jumping up and running for the stairs.

"Do you mind?" Bella asked me sheepishly.

"Do I mind you leaving me here all night? Yes," I said playfully.

"It won't be all night, just a few hours or so._ I'll make up for my brief absence later_," she whispered seductively in my ear.

"Well, when you put it that way," I conceded.

I was about to kiss her, but then Emmett butted in. "Eh hum, making out is like blowing your nose," he said mockingly.

I lifted my hand to flip him off, but Bella grabbed that hand before I could get my finger up, and she dragged me out of the dining room so we could kiss in a more acceptable location.

"I have an idea," I mumbled against her lips. "How about you stay in tonight…_in_, as in, _in_ my bedroom?"

She giggled. "I promised to take Alice out weeks ago. I blame you entirely for my lack of follow-through."

"And I will take full responsibility for your lack of follow-through tonight as well," I said unapologetically.

"I'll be back before you know it," she tried assuring me.

"You have no idea how slowly time can pass," I grumbled.

"Hey, I thought your sister's happiness was important to you?" she chided me.

"It is…as long as her happiness doesn't entail you leaving me."

Bella smirked, then kissed me one more time. "I'm going to go get changed," she said before running off.

_Fucking Alice. _

"Aww, fuck buddy is leaving your balls cold for a few hours?" Emmett razzed me as he walked by.

"Emmett, I know you wish you were the one warming my balls, but I told you, I don't swing that way," I joked before rushing up to my room; perhaps if I got there fast enough, Bella would give me a quickie before she left. By the time I got there however, she was already dressed and combing her hair, but I decided to press my luck by kissing the sweet spot on her neck anyway.

"Mmm," she purred. "That feels nice…but I'm not fucking you right now," she said before pulling away.

I pouted. "It was hard enough making it through dinner, now you expect me to go all night?"

"Hey, we promised we wouldn't stop the other from leaving, remember?"

"This isn't you leaving, this is you going out," I argued.

"You know, this is actually a good thing. I should probably go home afterwards and spend some time with my dad," she said feebly as my hand crept its way down the front of her pants. After a few quick swirls around her sensitivity, she let out a moan and I knew I had her. "Or I could cut the night short and be back as soon as Alice allows. Fake a stomach ache or something…"

I smiled against her neck. "Okay, see you then," I said, and then I pulled away from her.

"You know, I'm sure I have a few minutes before Alice is ready to go…"

"Oh no, I'm sure she's already waiting by the front door. Better hurry along," I told her smugly, knowing I just ensured her eager return.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Oh, you're mean."

I shrugged. "Or smart. It depends how you look at it."

"Or incredibly stupid, depending on how you look at it. You're sending me out into the world like a loaded weapon. Who knows what or _who_ will make me go off," she said with wiggling brows. "See-ya later…that is if I don't find a better option out there somewhere."

"I refuse to get jealous over my label-less fucking partner," I said while crossing my arms in front of me and fighting my grin.

"Good, I'm glad we're in agreement," she joked before kissing my cheek and then disappearing out of my bathroom… _She was joking, right?_

I spent the next four hours freaking out. What if she wasn't joking, or what if she was joking but coincidentally did find some other guy who sparked her interest. The time Bella had spent with me had to be the longest her attention was held anywhere, so it wouldn't be that shocking if she had enough and decided to move on, but the thought of it made me sick…literally.

It was a ridiculous and irrational fear; under my circumstance, I should have only hoped Bella would soon move on from me, that way she wouldn't get hurt when I needed to end it later, but for the death of me, I just couldn't force that emotion. I wasn't ready for it to be over, and I wondered if I ever would be. Without even knowing it, Bella was ruining my eternity…ruining it even more than it already was. I was a naive idiot for thinking I could keep my emotions at bay when it came to Bella.

I knew I'd go crazy if I kept obsessing alone in my room, so when ten o'clock rolled around, and Alice had yet to return home, I went downstairs to see if Jasper had heard from her.

"She text me about an hour ago," Jazz replied. "She said they were having a blast, but that she really needed to talk to you about something."

"She didn't say what?"

"I assume it has something to do with Bella…I mean, what else could it be?"

"Yeah, but what about her?"

"Heck if I know," he said unconcerned.

I huffed. "You didn't think to ask?"

"She said she needed to talk to you alone, so I assumed it was none of my business. You have her number, so if you're that anxious about it, why don't you text her and ask."

I nodded. "Good idea. Thanks J."

"No problem."

Before I could even send my text, however, Alice and Bella came through the front door, giggling like a couple of school girls.

"Well you two seem like you had a good time," Jasper said as he greeted Alice.

"The best. We have to do this at least once a month, right?" Alice said while looking at Bella.

"Definitely," Bella agreed.

"I see you didn't find some other guy to screw while you were out," I said; my tone was somewhere between joking and resentful.

Bella smiled at me. "How do you know I didn't?"

"Fuck you," I said, having a terribly hard time figuring out if we were serious or not. Of course, then I felt like shit for speaking to a woman that way, joking or not.

Bella's smile only grew. Then, without warning, she ran to me and jumped into my arms and planted her lips to mine. "I missed you," I heard her mumble between kisses.

"I missed you too," I replied automatically.

Just when I was about to carry her up to my bedroom, something made me look over her shoulder at my sister. Alice was very intently motioning to me as if she was playing a game of Charades, and my ability to decipher her gestures was practically nonexistent, which only frustrated her. So she stomped her foot and very clearly pointed to me, then herself, and then used both hands to make it look like two ducks quacking at each other, which I could only assume meant talking. When she held up three fingers, I concluded that she was telling me to meet her somewhere at three in the morning so we could talk. I wasn't happy about it, but I nodded my head once in agreement.

I took Bella up to my room, where I made sure she was good and tired enough to actually sleep, then I grudgingly waiting until three AM to meet my sister. I figured she'd want to talk somewhere privately, so it wasn't hard to guess that she'd be in Carlisle's office, which was exactly where she was.

"What the hell am I doing awake instead of sleeping with my girlfriend - err, friend _friend_ -who happens to be a girl," I said awkwardly.

"Edward…" Alice took a deep breath. "I think we have a problem…Not a big problem…Maybe you won't even care, but maybe you will care and then the problem could get a lot worse…or better. I'm not sure," she rambled.

"Allie, just spit it out."

"I can't!" she shouted at me. "This isn't something that can be spat."

"Okay, then just say whatever you need to say," I told her as calmly as possible.

"Look, I didn't want to freak you out, but…since Bella's been hanging out here, my dreams about her have gotten more…vivid."

"Okay," I said, unsure where she was going with it.

"It was so confusing in the beginning, but I kept picturing her at home with us…at home in _Illinois_."

I scrunched my face in confusion. "That's weird, right?"

"Well, my visions are always weird. I mean, the way they come across are always strange like that because they're trying to tell me something, and tonight I think I figured it out."

"So?" I prompted her impatiently.

"Bella was very interested in Beth tonight."

"Beth?" I asked even more confused.

"Yeah, she tried to be casual about it, but she wanted to know things like who she was, and where she was from because she looked _familiar_ to her…. _Edward, Beth's sketch looked familiar to Bella!_ Doesn't that strike you as odd?"

"Not really…You know I think you're an amazing artist, but that sketch does look a bit generic…like every other dark haired woman with fine features," I said apologetically.

"Maybe, but that doesn't explain Bella's interest in her. What did you tell her about Beth?"

I shrugged. "Only that she was my ex and she died. Bella was probably just curious."

"It seemed like more…a lot more….But then it got even weirder."

"How so?"

"I asked her where she was from, not just her personally, but her family, and she told me that while her mom was basically a nomad, all the previous generations of her family lived in _Wisconsin!_" she said dramatically.

"And?" I asked, still missing her point.

"We're from Illinois, and her family is from Wisconsin, that's not that far apart. Don't you see?"

"No, I really don't," I said honestly.

"She was interested in Beth, and her family is from the same area as us… Edward, I think Bella is Beth's descendant."

"What-a-huh?" I asked befuddled.

"It all makes sense," Alice continued. "You felt an instant connection to Bella – you've never felt that connection to anyone other than Beth. I have been dreaming about Bella since before I even really knew her, and now I'm dreaming that she was in Illinois with us…like in our hometown and in 1814 attire; the whole thing. It's my subconscious shouting at me that Bella is really Beth's descendant. I mean, after you broke it off with Beth when we figured out we had been cursed, she went on and got married and had kids, and I'd bet my life that her kids could be traced all the way to Bella. This feels true to me, Edward, and you know I'm right ninety percent of the time. Beth moved on with her life, but she never stopped loving you, and she passed that love on to her children, and their children, and their children, and so on. You and her lost your chance, so now she has sent you her great-great-great-_how many greats_- granddaughter, so you would be happy."

I stared at her blankly for a moment, and then I shook my head slowly. "Allie…"

"Don't _Allie_ me. I know this seems farfetched but…"

"But nothing," I told her gently. "Alice, this is more than farfetched, it's…it's crazy."

Her face fell like I just insulted her in the worse possible way; and I suppose to Alice, being called crazy was a horrible thing.

"Alice, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," I said sincerely. "But…I just don't see…Just because Bella's family was from the same part of the country as we were, and she was curious about a dead woman, that doesn't mean anything. The chances of any of us crossing paths with one of Beth's descendants is…slim to none."

"Not when we live forever," she argued. "Forever is a long time, and this world really isn't that big. Besides, it's not about 'chances', it's about fate. What if Bella is your destiny?"

"Alice, even if you're right, what would be the point? Regardless of who her ancestors were, she is still mortal, and I'm not. Bella isn't my destiny, she's just a girl. Just a girl I'm spending a fraction of my eternity with, and a few decades from now she'll be nothing more than a memory," I said regretfully.

"It's been exactly two hundred years…Do you realize that?" Alice asked unexpectedly. "The curse happened in August of 1814, and it's now July of 2014. Maybe…maybe we weren't cursed forever, maybe it'll just be over next month."

"Or maybe it'll just be over after three hundred years, or five, or a million years. There's no way of knowing," I told her softly.

"I know Bella is important somehow… She's important to you, in your life, but… I think she's important to the rest of us too. She's made in impact on all of us, and her presence around here has changed us all… What if she really is more than your temporary lover, what if she's the symbol that the curse is finally ending…She could be the catalyst for the end, for all we know."

I nodded. "Anything is possible…but…it's more likely that she's just a girl. I'm sorry Alice, I understand that you want to believe in something; hell, after so long of being stagnant, I think we're all looking for a reason to hope for some kind of change, but I honestly believe it's just wishful thinking and seeing something in nothing."

"And I understand why you're so cynical, but I really thought Bella's presence in your life had opened you up to hope again… I guess I was wrong. But if it's all the same to you, I'm going to continue to look into this, and I will trace Bella's family back as far as it will go. You'll see," she said before walking past me out of the room.

I huffed, and then slowly walked back to my bedroom as my mind spun in a million directions. I didn't believe what Alice was saying, I couldn't, it was just too preposterous for any level minded person to possibly conceive, but I couldn't get it out of my head either. I didn't crawl back into bed with Bella, I just sat there in my armchair and stared at her lying there. At some point I got up and pulled out Alice's sketch of Beth, and honestly tried to envision the minute possibility of Bella being related to her, but I just couldn't…. Then again, I had to admit, being with Bella did feel slightly familiar – like a forgotten dream, or a déjà vu, or…

By the time dawn finally broke through the blinds, I decided that it was pointless to dwell on something there was no way of knowing right then; Alice was doing some research, so I'd just leave it to her and try not to give it another thought unless she discovered something tangible. What difference would it make if Bella was Beth's descendant anyway? Absolutely none, so worrying about it was pointless.

"Hey…what are you doing?" Bella asked me groggily when she opened her eyes and noticed I wasn't lying there with her.

"Nothing…just thinking," I said honestly.

She smiled. "About done?"

I laughed once. "I think so."

"Good, now come back to bed."

She didn't have to ask me twice. I put down the sketch and crawled onto the bed to snuggle against her as close as I could get; I even nuzzled my nose into her hair just to breathe in her intoxicating scent.

"What's wrong," she murmured after a minute.

"Nothing, Why?"

"Was that Alice's sketch you were just looking at?" she questioned unexpectedly.

"Oh…uh," I looked over my shoulder at the sketch sitting on the nightstand. "Yeah," I admitted sheepishly.

"You must still miss her," she murmured. "Beth, I mean. I can't imagine losing someone I love like that… It's kind of ironic, isn't it?"

"What?" I asked, unsure what she meant.

"I've never experienced that level of loss, and yet I live my life like I'm recovering from some great tragedy. I've always been so afraid to get close to anyone, but I've never had a real reason for it. You must think I'm an idiot."

"I don't think that," I told her gently. "I think you're amazing…and I'm not just saying that."

She was quiet for a few minutes, and then she bit her lower lip and I instantly knew she was uncomfortable with whatever she was about to ask. "What…What was she like? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to, I know it's still hard for you, but…I really don't know why I'm so curious."

"I don't mind talking about her anymore," I said honestly, and I was actually grateful she asked me instead of just questioning Alice about it. The truth was, there was a lot about that time which I had buried so deep inside the abyss of my mind that I could never recover, regardless of how much I tried, but there were also some things I would never forget…

I took a deep breath. "Beth was…kind, and sweet, and everybody loved her. She always tried to do everything right, but she definitely had a mischievous side… _She was a lot like you in that way_," I said with a laugh. "There was this one time, she hiked up her dress and drudged through two feet of mud, just to get her goat back."

"Her goat?" Bella questioned.

"Yeah, she had raised it from a baby, and a boy we knew from our town stole it as a prank, and put it out in the mud thinking she'd never go out there to get it, but that kid underestimated Beth's stubbornness."

"She must have really loved that goat," Bella mumbled.

"It wasn't really about the goat, per se, it was more of the fact that it was hers, and she wasn't going to let anyone take away something that belonged to her. She was the type who would fight for anything she thought was right, and that was what I liked the most about her."

"So…you knew each other as kids?"

"Yeah, we were neighbors and our parents were friends."

Bella bit her lip again. "You lost your parents, and your girlfriend…how do you even get out of bed every day? I really feel like shit for forcing myself on you like I did."

"You didn't force yourself on me," I said, shocked she would think that.

"I did in the beginning. I just thought you were depressed without a real reason for it. I mean, I've…I've experienced that before…depression for no reason, and I thought that's what was happening with you."

"You've been depressed?" I asked in disbelief. "You're like the happiest person I know."

"Like I said before, everyone gets down sometimes, but you…you had a real reason for it, and I should have never butted in," she said before abruptly getting up and looking around for her clothes.

"Wait a minute, hold on, you're doing it again, aren't you?"

"What?" she asked without pausing.

"You're running because you think I don't really want you here. I thought you promised not to do that again."

She froze, and then dropped the clothes in her hands right where she stood. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I just don't see how you could possibly want me here after everything you've been through."

"I'm happy for the first time in a very long time _because_ you're here," I told her with conviction.

"Edward, I love you," she said suddenly, completely flabbergasting me. "I know we promised to keep it casual, and it's only been a few weeks, but… I didn't mean for this to happen, and I wouldn't have let it happen if I even had a clue that it was a possibility, but…I promised I would be honest with you about my feelings, so…there it is."

I was absolutely flummoxed. I must have been thinking a hundred different things at once, but surprisingly, none of it was negative. "Bella, I…"

She put her hand up to stop me. "Please don't say anything. I didn't tell you to make you feel guilty, I just…made a promise and wanted to keep it…And yeah, I was planning to run right then, but it was just an automatic reaction to my innate fear of anything deeper than fleeting friendship. I know you're still grieving, and I'd never expect you to feel anything close…"

It was my turn to interrupt her. "Bella, I've been in love with you since you called me an asshole at the buffet," I said, coming to that realization the moment the words formed on my lips.

"Really?" she asked skeptically.

I laughed once humorlessly. "Why is that so hard for you to believe?"

"I…I just know that sort of thing rarely happens. That someone loves someone, and that person really loves them in return. It's like…a fairytale or cheesy romance novel, not real life…Why would someone like you ever love someone like me?"

"Do you honestly not know how incredible you are?" I asked her seriously. "My question is, why would someone like you ever love someone like me? I'm just some…random loser who still lives with his parents and refuses to get a job. I have nothing to offer you whatsoever."

"You're not a loser," she said with a smirk. "I think you're incredible, and I love you more than I ever thought possible, but I don't think I could ever really pinpoint why. I just do…and it really scares me."

"Why?" I asked clueless. I knew why I was terrified, but I still didn't comprehend her issue.

"There's no such thing as forever," she whispered unexpectedly, which almost made me choke on my own spit. I wanted to tell her the truth about myself, it was right there on the tip of my tongue, but for whatever reason I just couldn't. Perhaps for once I didn't want to be a freak of nature, perhaps I needed something good and normal…at least for a little while. It may have been the cowardly thing to do, but I wasn't ready to send Bella running away from my crazy truth; I needed to hold onto her for as long as I could before she abandoned me to the sands of time.

"Then forget about forever," I whispered back. "All we need is what's right here in the now…You taught me that, remember?"

She nodded in relief. "So…nothing has to really change. We can just…love each other now, and try not to worry about it lasting. If we still agree to be honest and tell the other when our feelings change, then everything will be fine…As long as we know this is just a sweet…fun thing, we'll be okay... _Right?_"

"Bella, the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt you."

"And the last thing I'd ever want is for you to stay with me because you're worried about hurting me," she argued.

"I love you," I said strongly, "and I'm sorry, but I don't come from a family that falls out of love, so I honestly don't believe that's even possible. My feelings aren't going to change, but if it would make you feel better, I'll promise to tell you if they do…but I'll never tell you that because it'll never happen."

"There's no such thing as_ 'Never'_," she argued with a slight smile. "_Never_ is a made up word, just like _Forever_."

I laughed. "I can assure you, _Never_ and _Forever_ are both very real occurrences; rare, but real."

"We can agree to disagree."

"Disagree all you want, but I know the truth…and someday I'll prove it to you."

She smiled widely, but tried to fight it. "Okay…I'll hold you to that."

I smiled back at her. "I hope so."

I leaned in and kissed her slowly, but it didn't take long to erupt into passionate bliss. I realized then that it was never emotionless sex between us, that I was already in love with her before we started our physical relationship, but making love to her after declaring our love was a whole new experience. Every touch was loaded with more emotions than I allowed myself to feel in centuries. I finally understood what life was supposed to be like, and more than ever before, I felt an intense urgency to be cured from my curse.

"Alice!" I said as I barged into her bedroom later that morning.

"Hey!" Alice and Jasper shouted at my intrusion, but I didn't really care; the door wasn't locked, therefore I knew they weren't doing anything indecent.

"Alice…You have to help me break this curse," I said desperately. "Not in a hundred years; I need it broken now!"


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Uh, haven't we been trying to break the curse since we first realized we were cursed?" Jasper said, confused by my sudden panicked haste on the matter.

"Yeah, but it's different now," I told him.

Alice erupted into squeals. "You love her, don't you!" she said excitedly. "And she loves you, and you want to be together forever."

"Not forever, just a lifetime," I corrected her. "I don't want to see what the distant future holds for the world, I just want to live now, grow old, and die like the rest of mankind."

"Yeah, I get all that and agree, but it's easier said than done otherwise we would all be dead by now," Jasper pointed out.

"But now he has the proper motivation," Alice argued. "Before he was fueled by anger and resentment, and now he's fueled by love. Maybe that was the key all along."

"We're full of love, why couldn't we break the curse for ourselves if that's all that it took?" Jasper questioned her.

"Because the curse wasn't about us," she replied irritated, as if she was being forced to explain the obvious. "We're just bystanders; casualties of war; this battle has always been Edward's."

"Well that does make sense," Jasper conceded, and then they both looked at me as if I had some kind of answer.

"We've all known this was my fault from the beginning, none of you ever befriended that witch, but that's beside the point. I need help Alice," I said desperately.

"You know I have always done whatever I can, we all have, but I really think the only one who can break this curse is you."

"Of course I have to break it, but how?" I asked frustrated.

She shrugged. "If I knew, I'd tell you… But I'm going to continue to try to look into Bella's family history; maybe there are some clues I can uncover."

I sighed. "Alright, yeah… Thanks," I said halfheartedly. I didn't really expect a different response from her, but my desperation had gotten to me and I didn't know what else to do with it. "I guess I'll let you…get back to whatever it is you were doing," I told them before retreating from their bedroom.

I walked back to my room slowly, and just took those few moments to wallow in my misery. What the hell was my problem anyway? – _Well beside the obvious of never ending existence_. I knew Bella and I couldn't last, I kept reciting that fact over and over in my mind, so why couldn't I just accept it? I loved her, but that didn't change anything about our situation. She was going to grow old and die, and I wouldn't; it was Beth all over again. Perhaps that was the real curse after all, perhaps I was always doomed to love and lose as my punishment for whatever the hell I did to Jane in the first place.

"Hey… What's wrong?" Bella asked when my lethargic walk back to the room came to its completion.

"Nothing," I mumbled, refusing to make eye contact with her.

"Something," she argued.

I took a deep breath. "My…meeting with the Quileute has…become more imperative. Will you help me?" I basically pled, but tried like hell to keep my tone as casual as possible.

"Yeah…of course. We can try the spears…if that doesn't work, we'll just have to come up with the five thousand Quill wanted."

I nodded. "Okay, let's hope the spears work."

We went to remove the spears from where they were mounted on my wall, but there was no way we could leave that room without making love one more time. I was sure it was just the pessimistic side of me taking over, but every time we made love, even when it was multiple times in a day, I had an overwhelming feeling like it would be the last time. I found myself counting the minutes until we were reconnected, and then that paranoia would start all over again. It was ridiculous; she said she loved me, and I truly believed her flighty personality wouldn't cause her to want to leave any time soon, but that feeling only seemed to grow with every passing day. Knowing we were about to leave the house together, as opposed to just our normal ventures into the kitchen or living room, only made the irrational sensation spike.

"Wow, you're really freaking, aren't you?" Bella commented as we headed towards her truck.

"I'm just a little…stressed," I admitted before putting the spears into the back.

"Yeah, I can see that….Edward, why can't you tell me what all this is about?" she asked hesitantly.

"It's complicated," I said honestly.

"Well, you're in luck because I'm actually an expert in all things complicated," she said with a grin. "You haven't met my mother, but when you do, you'll completely agree with me."

I smiled. "I believe you, but…this is different. This complication goes beyond normal complications, but I'm hoping that soon it won't be an issue anymore."

Something made me turn and look at her as she drove us towards La Push, and the way she licked her bottom lip before biting it pensively shoved me straight into another déjà vu, and I had to admit, Alice's theory of her being connected to Beth was really starting to seem more plausible.

"Edward…do you trust me?" she asked unexpectedly.

"Of course," I replied without hesitation. "I jumped off a cliff for you, didn't I?" I added with a laugh.

But she didn't laugh with me, she didn't even smile, and she didn't continue with whatever thought she was having; she just stared blankly at the road in front of her. I was actually starting to get a little concerned about her dazed state while driving, when abruptly her phone started ringing from inside her purse.

"What's that?" she asked confused.

"Uh, I think it's your phone," I said slowly, wondering why she didn't know the sound of her own ringer.

"Oh, right," she said, snapping out of it. "I think that's my tone for my dad…that's weird," she mumbled to herself. "Hello? Oh, hi dad… Really?...Okay, sure, of course. I'm on my way," she said before hanging up her phone. "I hate to do this to you, but I have to run home real quick."

"Okay. Is everything okay?" I asked concerned.

"I think so. He said he's not feeling well and asked me to drop by….That's so unlike him, he's hardly ever sick." She glanced down at her phone for a moment. "Oh, it looks like he called a few times in the past couple of days…I'm not sure how I missed it."

"I can guess how we missed it," I said with a smirk.

Finally her odd mood broke and she smiled back while elbowing me playfully, and just like that she was back to being her usual carefree self for the rest of the drive to her dad's house. "Aren't you coming?" she asked after she parked the truck and I didn't move to get out.

"No, I thought I'd wait for you here," I said, not wanting to create any awkwardness from my presence there.

"Well, I'm not sure how long it'll be. You should come in," she insisted.

I moaned about it internally, but smiled and agreed despite myself. For whatever reason, Charlie was definitely not my biggest fan, and hanging with him at the moment was extremely unappealing, but I'd do just about anything for Bella, so out of the truck I went.

"Hey dad, we're here," Bella called to him when we entered the house.

"We?" Charlie questioned, but no explanations were necessary because I sheepishly entered his line of sight.

"Good morning Charlie, how are you feeling?" I asked politely.

"It's afternoon," he corrected me evenly.

I glanced at the clock and noticed it said 12:01, so I smiled back at him. "So it is. I apologize. Good afternoon Charlie."

"Not much good about it," he grumbled, so Bella walked over to him and began feeling his forehead for a fever.

"You don't feel hot," she told him.

"No, it's my stomach. I don't know, maybe I ate something bad," he said to her while looking at me strangely. "Hey, do you know what I could really use right now? Some of that soup that you brought home when you worked at the grocery store. You know which soup I'm talking about? The one from the deli?"

"Um yeah, I remember. Edward and I can run and get some for you," she said before making her way back over to where I was standing on the other side of the room.

"Actually, I'm glad Edward is here, because I really need someone tall to help me move some dishes on the highest shelf in the kitchen. Maybe he can give me a hand while you're gone?"

"Or he can help you when we get back," she suggested.

"But I really need these dishes moved now," he said theatrically.

"Then he can move them now and we can go to the store after."

"But I'm really hungry," Charlie maintained.

Bella was about to argue with him some more, but I cut in. "It's a good idea for me to stay here and help, that way we can get going to La Push as soon as you get back," I told her.

"Are you sure?" she asked, unconvinced.

"Yeah, definitely."

"Um…okay." It was obvious that Bella didn't want to separate from me any more than I wanted to separate from her, but Charlie wasn't going to give up on the matter so I decided it was best to humor him. "Do you need anything else at the store?" she asked her father.

"Nope, that's it," he said with a grin. "Oh, maybe some of that focaccia bread to go with it, if you don't mind."

"Sure," she told him, and then came over to kiss my lips tenderly. "Are you sure you don't mind staying?" she asked quietly.

"It's really not a problem," I assured her. "Hurry back."

She sighed. "Okay."

I watched out the window as her truck backed out of the driveway before disappearing down the street, and then I turned back to Charlie. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" I asked reluctantly.

Charlie laughed once. "Was it that obvious?"

I nodded. "I've been around long enough to know a sorry ploy to get rid of someone when I see one."

He sat up from his pathetically fake sick position, and huffed. "You're obviously a very intelligent young man…" he said, but strangely let his sentence trail off.

"But?" I asked, knowing there was a definitely a _But_.

"Look, I don't know you, and I honestly have nothing against you, but… I'm going to ask you to end things with Bella anyway."

I raised my brows in surprise. I wasn't sure what I was expecting him to say, but it certainly wasn't that. "Um… Why?" I asked awkwardly. I was in no way willing to break up with Bella, but I was definitely curious about the reason for his request.

He huffed again. "I've never seen her so…enthralled by one person for so long, and I'm glad she got to experience that, but…it needs to end now before it gets too far."

"Before what gets too far?" I asked, still baffled by the direction of the conversation.

"Her affections for you," he said unexpectedly. "Bella isn't the kind of girl that's suited for a long term relationship…She doesn't think the same way other girls think. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

"No," I said automatically. "I'm actually completely clueless. How could she think differently?"

He cleared his throat nervously. "I'm going to be honest with you, because I think you deserve that. Renee, Bella's mother, she has issues…mental issues. Her younger sister killed herself a year before Bella was born, and it…I don't know, made her paranoid or something. She took Bella when she was little, and I basically didn't know where they were for most of her childhood. The only reason I got Bella back last year, was because Renee was finally caught and put into a mental hospital. Bella doesn't know this, but since she's been living with me again, I've noticed things about her that remind me of her mother so much, that I fear that it's only a matter of time before she falls under the same psychosis."

"How so?" I asked concerned.

"It's the staring off into space, talking to someone who isn't there, the nightmares, screaming for apparently no reason. It wasn't just Renee, this thing, whatever it is, it runs in their family. Her sister's suicide, their mother, their aunts, grandmother, great aunts…It seems to follow the women in their family, and when Renee was more…lucid, she told me how terrified she was of it."

"I've never seen any of that from Bella," I said absently as I sincerely considered what he was saying. "She hasn't had any nightmares that I've noticed… She gets lost in thought sometimes, but who doesn't?"

"The busier she is, the better she is; it's when she starts getting bored that her mind wanders into those dark places. That's why I never encouraged her to go to college or stay at a job she hates. When she was going to high school full time, after she first got here, she just…" he shook his head. "It terrified me. I took her to the doctor and they diagnosed her with everything from bi-polar disorder to Schizophrenia. They wanted me to put her on all kinds of drugs, but…I just wasn't okay with that."

"How could Bella not know she's had those diagnoses?" I asked in disbelief.

"When she's stable, like she is now, she doesn't seem to remember the more difficult times she's had, and as far as the psychologists she's seen, I told her they were regular doctor check-ups. Renee never took her to a real doctor before, so she didn't know any different…and maybe she was right to look into alternative medicines for everything. Since I refused to medicate her, I've discovered that as long as she stays active, as long as she can be free to be whatever she wants to be at any given time, she handles it."

"And you think I'm keeping her from being free?" I questioned, still confused as to why he was asking me to leave her.

"Well, to be honest, yes. She's practically living at your house, isn't she? Every time I've text her to ask where she was over the past few weeks, day or night, she always says she's there with you."

"Yeah, but not because I'm forcing her there," I said defensively.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. She's clearly very taken with you, and I really am grateful she's had that in her life, but…it can't last, son…do you understand what I'm saying? You're both eighteen, you're too young to know what you really want in your lives, and if she was a normal girl, you could just go your separate ways when the romance runs its course, but…I fear the closer you get, the harder it's going to be on her when the end does come."

I was in a state of shock, and I had no idea what to think of anything he was saying, but I needed to make one thing perfectly clear. "Charlie, I love Bella," I said bluntly, "and she loves me. We're already there, so…maybe instead of asking me to leave now, maybe you should accept that I'm not going anywhere."

"You really don't understand what I'm telling you," he said, becoming increasingly more intense. "Even if you were to marry her tomorrow, it can never be enough. Renee was…amazing when we first got together…"

"Yeah, and you just said the death of her sister is what caused her to flip out," I argued.

He shook his head. "Renee had issues before that…After we got married and settled into a sense of normalcy, it started; when her sister killed herself, it just all escalated from there. Edward, Renee's sister Maggie committed suicide because she was suffering from the same psychosis Renee has, but she couldn't handle it. Their aunt also died in the same way… Bella has the same symptoms, and it's only a matter of time until it overtakes her, so I am trying to ward it off as long as possible by encouraging her to keep her mind open and free. She can't handle responsibility of any kind, and she is the last person who should be in a committed relationship with anyone. For her sake, and for yours."

"But I'm already here," I told him quietly.

"And if you leave now, I'll be here to make sure she gets over it. She's young, she has a chance to overcome this, but if your relationship continues much longer, I fear she'll never get past it."

I was speechless and befuddled. I had no idea what to say or how to convince him that he was wrong. Bella had told me she had been depressed in the past, she said she had a hard time sleeping, she mentioned her mother having nightmares, but I never imagined anything close to what Charlie was telling me; I couldn't fathom the possibility of Bella succumbing to a mental disorder of that magnitude. Charlie wasn't lying, but perhaps he was wrong; Bella didn't have to go down that path, I wouldn't let her.

"I'm sorry Charlie, but I'm not going to leave her just because she might have a mental breakdown one day. She's not her mother, so there's no telling how she's going to be in the future."

"Haven't you listened to a word I've said?" he asked incredulously. "It's not just about her mother. Her aunt killed herself, her great aunt killed herself as well. Generation after generation of mental instabilities, and you honestly think Bella will somehow escape it regardless of the fact she's already had symptoms?"

I swallowed roughly. "Maybe I can help her."

"Nobody can help her," he said evenly.

I was quiet again as I considered what he was saying, and then something occurred to me. "Generation after generation of mental instabilities?" I asked slowly.

"It goes back as far as we know of," he confirmed.

"All of the women?"

"Yes. I asked Bella's doctor about it, and he said there was no way they could link it to a genetic condition, so they can't really explain what's happening," he said hopelessly.

"No, not genetic…sounds more like…_a curse_," I said, suddenly feeling like I was being devoured by the horror of it all. What if there really was a curse on Bella's family; what if Alice was right about Beth, what if Jane's wrath didn't end with me and the unsuspecting churchgoers that day? We never knew what happened to Jane after she left, so it was very possible that she went on to curse Beth's family without us ever knowing about it… The thought of it made me physically nauseous as the room suddenly started spinning.

"A curse?" Charlie scoffed, but then he fell into a heavy silence.

"Charlie, what is it?" I pressed.

"Renee…she used to tell me her family was cursed," he said reluctantly. "In fact, that was the reason why we moved here in the first place. She said the Quileute…."

"Had a mystical man that could help," I finished his sentence for him.

"How did you know that?" he asked in shock.

"We moved here for the same reason," I admitted. "Charlie, do you know who the mystical man is? Can we talk to him?" I asked in a rush.

"You actually believe in all that hocus pocus?" he asked skeptically.

"I've seen a lot of unexplainable shit in my time," I said while subtly bobbing my head.

Charlie narrowed his eyes at me suspiciously, but he must have decided not to voice whatever he was thinking. "I've seen a lot of shit in my time as well, but I've never seen anything that would lead me to believe that there is some kind of voodoo mumbo-jumbo at work here."

"Then how do you explain it?" I challenged him.

He shrugged. "Maybe it's not genetic, but being raised by a crazy woman would make anyone crazy. It's a cycle."

I shook my head. "Charlie, I need to know who the Quileute mystical man is. I need to speak to him; it's of the utmost importance."

"I've gotten to know a lot of people in La Push over the years, but I've never met a shaman of any kind… At least not that I know of."

"Is there any way you can get me a meeting with Quill's grandfather?"

"He doesn't like strangers, I've only ever talked to him a couple times."

"You didn't answer my question!" I snapped at him.

"I don't know - maybe - but I honestly don't think so. You have to understand, I never believed it, but I humored Renee and took her there, and they basically laughed at us. None of the people we know now believe in any of that magical stuff either."

"Maybe they weren't willing to talk back then, or maybe you just weren't asking the right questions. I have ancient tribal spears that I'd be willing to part with for just a few minutes of Old Quill's time," I said quickly, and then I grabbed the phone off of the side table and handed it to him. "Make some calls for me…Please." When he didn't move, I added – "For Bella."

"For Bella _what_?" Bella asked as she walked through the front door with grocery bags in hand. Charlie and I just stared at her, so her curiosity turned into annoyance. "Okay, what did I just walk into?"

"Nothing," Charlie and I said at the same time. We hadn't discussed it, but it went without saying - telling Bella about curses of any kind would only freak her out, which certainly wouldn't help the situation.

She didn't believe us, so I decided to tell her the truth - _well sort of_. "I was just asking your dad about Old Quill….hoping he'd know about something that I could use to help me get a meeting with him."

"Oh…um, okay," she said full of tension before continuing on to the kitchen with her groceries.

I jumped up to follow her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said in a clipped tone.

"Something," I said, echoing what she had told me earlier.

"It's driving me crazy!" she exploded abruptly, making my heart leap into my throat. "Why can't you just tell me this secret? And what's worse, now you've brought my dad into whatever it is."

"What? No, I didn't tell him anything. I was just hoping he could help get me that meeting, that's all."

"My dad isn't going to blindly help someone without some kind of explanation," she argued. "You two were obviously in a tense conversation about it when I walked in here."

"Your dad does not know the reason why I wanted to be introduced to Old Quill," I said slowly while looking her dead in the eye. I wasn't lying about that fact, he didn't know about my immortality, and I fully planned to keep it that way. "I told you before, I'd tell you about this if I could, but I can't. Maybe…maybe after it's taken care of, I can finally talk about it."

She broke eye contact with me and shook her head while looking down. "Whatever. Let's just get over to La Push then."

After Bella heated up the soup for her father, we went to leave but I held back just long enough to urge Charlie to make the call again, to which he responded with a single nod.

Bella was emanating bitterness as she drove us towards La Push, and just like before, she almost seemed blinded by it as she stared blankly at the road ahead of her. I wasn't sure how much I believed Charlie about her mental stability, but I couldn't help but be concerned by the way she was acting. Her jaw was locked tight, her arms were stiff, she hardly blinked, and she was going way too fast.

"Hey Bella, maybe I should drive," I said carefully.

"Why? I'm fine," she replied coldly.

"No, I don't think you are."

Then everything was in slow motion. She turned around the bend, but because she wasn't really paying attention, she took it too widely and ended up slamming into the guardrail. Because of the speed, and the fact that I had a bad habit of not wearing my seatbelt, the impact threw my head into the window beside me, causing it to shatter.

I blacked out for a few moments, and when I regained consciousness Bella was crying hysterically while strangely cradling my head and neck. "Somebody help us!" she screamed desperately. "Oh god, please."

I was confused for a minute, but once I realized what happened I tried to sit up, however she was holding me so tightly that it was hard to move. So I tried to say her name, but no words escaped my lips.

_What the hell was wrong with me?_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

As I struggled to speak, my vision kept failing, and the blackness fought to devour the world around me. I knew the feeling, it was nothing new, I was dying - _but it sure as hell was taking a long fucking time._

The fact that this death seemed to be dragging on just irritated me, and having Bella there to witness it only made everything that much worse. _How the hell was I going to explain that one to her?_

It had to be the single most painful, drawn out death of my existence, and I honestly had no idea why. Finally, the pain faded and I was allowed that short lived sense of peace I had come to yearn for, but just like always, I was abruptly yanked out of that serenity and plopped back into the land of the living that I was forever chained to. I woke up with a start…but instead of gasping for air like I normally did, I still couldn't breathe.

"Edward!" I heard Bella scream, but she almost sounded far away rather than having her right next to me like I knew she was. I felt so weak and the pain was excruciating, and all I wanted to do was die again, but Bella's terrified cries gave me that slight nudge I needed to try to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. I still couldn't breathe, but as I fought to focus, I realized there was something blocking my airway, so I used every ounce of energy I was capable of to reach up to it.

And there it was…a thin sharp object sticking right out of my neck. _What the fuck?_

My windpipe was severed; hell, my entire neck was severed, and I knew it would have been an impossible wound to survive under normal circumstances, however in my case, I was just aggravated. I couldn't heal until the object was removed; therefore I'd need to somehow wrestle up some more energy and try to yank the damn thing out.

"No don't move it!" Bella said horrified. "You'll bleed out. We need a doctor."

She couldn't be serious. I understood her logic, but she must not have known the severity of my injury otherwise she would have realized that a doctor wouldn't have been able to save me either. I needed to pull it out myself, and I needed to do it before anybody else came onto the scene.

Of course, with the lack of oxygen to my system I quickly blacked out again, and then enjoyed another drive by dying, before thankfully waking back up with a little more energy. I grabbed onto that thing in my neck as tightly as possible, and pulled it as hard as I was capable of. I was vaguely aware that Bella was screaming, but I couldn't focus on her. I pulled with everything I had, and finally there was some relief. I looked down and was shocked to see that the object I had been impaled with was actually a large hunk of glass from the broken window, and to be honest, if Bella wasn't there I probably would have been slightly impressed….but then I started bleeding out. _Fuck!_

I had seen a lot of crap in my life, but I had never encountered the amount of blood that came pouring out of my neck that day. It was like a fucking horror film, and all I could think about was what that shit was doing to Bella's psyche. Surprisingly, she stopped panicking and pulled her sweatshirt off to press it to my throat in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

"It's okay, you're going to make it," she told me quietly.

Obviously she knew nothing about anatomy, because there was no way I should have been able to make it, but I suppose her ignorance wasn't all that shocking considering the nomadic way she was raised by a mentally unstable woman.

I struggled to breathe, and battled off another death from the blood loss, but finally my wound began to close and I started to feel better. When my strength returned, I sat up and gently pulled her hands away from my throat.

"I'm okay now," I managed to croak.

She just stared at me blankly.

"Are you okay?" I asked anxiously as I tried to determine whether or not the blood covering her was all mine. "Are you hurt?"

She subtly shook her head no.

I continued to check her anyway, but other than a minor seatbelt cut on her chest and shoulder, she seemed to be absolutely fine - _physically anyway_.

"We need to get out of here before someone sees us," I told her carefully.

Very slowly she reached back up to where I had just been hemorrhaging, and used the tips of her fingers to rub away the wet blood there; when she no longer was able to find a wound, she let her hand drop down and continued to stare blankly. _Was she in shock?_

"I will explain all of this, but first we need to get out of this truck. It's covered in blood and if someone drives by and sees us, it's not going to be a good thing. Okay?"

She didn't answer me, so I knew I'd have to handle it alone.

My door was completely smashed shut and the busted window consisted of sharp jagged shards of glass still dripping with my blood, so exiting out that way wasn't really possible; our only option was to go out of Bella's door, but persuading her to move was not going to be an easy task.

"Bella, listen to me…I need you to get out of the truck. Can you do that?" I asked her slowly. When she didn't respond I reached over her to open the door myself; luckily it unlatched without a problem. Bella was still wearing her seatbelt, so I unfastened it and attempted to nudge her out, but she still wouldn't budge.

We weren't on a busy stretch of road by any means, and with it being early afternoon I wasn't expecting traffic at all, but someone was bound to drive by sooner or later, so we didn't have the luxury of just sitting there.

"Come on, Bella. Get out of the truck," I said more forcefully. "Get out!" I shouted, finally resorting to pushing her out. I didn't push her hard, but it was enough to move her, and I was able to catch her arm before she could actually stumble to the ground. I kept my grasp on her arm while I led her over to the side of the road where I forced her to sit down so I could think of what to do next. The truck couldn't be seen in that condition. There was too much blood, and without a wound on either of us large enough to explain it, we were in for a hell of a lot of questioning that I had no way of answering. I needed help….I needed Emmett.

I ran back to the truck to look for my cell phone, but unfortunately I found mine completely shattered from the impact. I grabbed Bella's bag, and thankfully found her phone so I quickly called my pseudo big brother.

"Who's this?" Emmett answered.

"It's Edward," I replied with a huff.

"Edward?"

"How many Edwards do you know?" I snapped at him.

"Oh Edward, hey. Why are you calling me from some random number?"

"It's Bella's."

"Where's your phone?"

"It's broken."

"How'd you break it?"

"Would you just shut up and listen to me!" I said exasperated. "I need help. Bella wrecked her truck and killed me in the process, and now there is a hell of a lot of blood and I don't know what to fucking do."

"No shit?" he asked amused. "I guess the cat's out of the bag now, huh?"

"Damn it Emmett, can you just be serious for a moment. What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Alright, alright, don't sweat it. Tell me where you are and I'll be there in a minute to take care of everything."

"Coyote Pass, you can't miss us. Oh, and Emmett, bring Alice and Carlisle with you."

"Why, you think I can't handle this myself?"

"I need them to help me with Bella…She's like, in shock or something."

"Okay, we'll be right there," he said, finally showing a little understanding of the severity of the matter.

My shirt was absolutely drenched in blood, so I pulled it over my head, and used the small clean area on the back to try and wipe away some of the blood on my face and neck. When I was as clean as I was going to get, I walked back to Bella and sat next to her while grabbing her hand.

"Everything is going to be okay," I tried assuring her, but she refused to wake from the alarming trance she was locked in, so I cradled her face in my hands and forced her to look at me. "Bella…Everything is going to be okay," I repeated. Her eyes wheeled away from me, so I gently jerked her face to demand her attention. "Bella, it's going to be okay!" I told her sternly.

I stared into her eyes intensely, and I nearly broke down and lost it when I finally saw her light return there. "Edward," she whispered as a tear escaped down her cheek.

"Everything is going to be okay," I said one more time, before pulling her into me and just holding her tightly.

I held her like that until I heard a car approaching in the distance, and then I started to panic. "We have to hide," I said in a rush. There was no way Emmett could have gotten there that fast, which meant the incoming vehicle was not someone who could see us there.

I didn't give her time to protest or ask questions, I just pulled her hand and dragged her down the embankment and around the other side of the bend. The car passed less than a minute later without even pausing to survey the busted truck, which just showed what kind of world we were living in, and reaffirmed my lack of faith in the current generation of humanity. Nobody from my era would be so heartless.

"Okay, they're gone," I said softly before helping Bella climb back up the embankment. She didn't speak, but she didn't have the glazed over empty look anymore either, for which I was grateful. "Emmett will be here any minute," I murmured while rubbing her back soothingly.

I watched her face carefully as she kept glancing back at the truck, but I decided to hold off on explanations until I had a little backup; perhaps with the added support, she may find it easier to understand.

It seemed to take forever, but finally Emmett's Jeep rumbled onto the scene, and a wave of relief immediately washed over me.

"Holy shit!" Emmett cheered as he practically skipped to Bella's truck. "That's awesome. Look at all that blood!"

"Are you two okay?" Carlisle asked us concerned as he rushed over to basically check Bella for any injuries.

I nodded. "Physically."

"Whoa, look at this!" Emmett shouted excitedly while holding up the large piece of blood stained glass that had practically decapitated me.

"Why is there so much blood?" Alice asked disturbed.

"Yeah…that thing was in my neck," I mumbled, not wanting to upset Bella any more than she already was.

"How in the world did that happen?" Alice questioned.

"I think my head hit the window and it just shattered…I'm not sure how the piece got lodged into my neck like that."

"And Bella, you weren't injured?" Carlisle asked in disbelief.

She shook her head, but offered no other response.

"I bet she was wearing her seatbelt," Alice said in a scolding tone, directed towards me.

"Yeah, the driver's side of the truck doesn't seem affected," Emmett affirmed, "except for all the splatters of blood everywhere. Damn man, I wish I could have seen that."

"Emmett, please just handle it," Carlisle said frustrated.

"What can we do?" I asked clueless.

Without further discussion, I watched stunned as Emmett poured something into the cab, and then he pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit the whole thing on fire. Bella and I both jumped as the fire exploded out of the windows, completely engulfing Emmett in the flames - which only made him chuckle and run around like a fucking lunatic.

Carlisle huffed, and Alice rolled her eyes.

"As if Bella hasn't seen enough unnerving images today," my sister grumbled.

"Emmett, stop drop and roll!" Carlisle instructed.

"Whoo hoo!" Em shouted before finally succumbing to the smoke and his burns, and dropping to the ground.

"Alice," Carlisle said annoyed, so she sighed and then calmly walked back to the Jeep before getting a cooler of water out of the back, and then dumping it on Emmett's still burning body.

"You know, maybe if we would have let him burn for a bit longer, he'd turn to ashes and he wouldn't be able to come back," she grumbled bitterly while looking down at Emmett's charred carcass.

"We've tried that before," I muttered, remembering the time Jasper locked himself in a burning wine cellar.

"Jazz didn't fully get to the ashes state," Alice argued emotionlessly.

"So…now that the truck is burning, what comes next?" I asked, still baffled by their plan.

"It was an old truck, right? So having it catch on fire from a minor accident isn't all that unbelievable," Carlisle explained. "You can just tell the police that you were able to escape without injury, and there will be no blood left to dispute your claim."

"Oh…right," I said absently while watching Bella's face again.

She went from staring at her burning truck, to watching Emmett's asinine antics, and now she was wearing a seriously disturbed expression as she witnessed Emmett's blackened burns recede before her very eyes. When he started moving and moaning, her concern only grew. "Shouldn't someone…help him?" she asked shakily.

"Nah, he'll be fine," Alice said carelessly. "Serves him right for building the fire so big."

"Carlisle, I don't think Bella is up to hanging out here and waiting for the cops to come," I told him worriedly.

"You're right. Let's wait until Emmett wakes up and then he can stay here and say he borrowed her truck; that way he can handle it all and you two can go home with us," he suggested.

"Good idea," I agreed. "Uh…does he have extra clothes in his Jeep? Cuz, his clothes appear to be burned off."

"Gross," Alice whined.

"I'll go check," Carlisle offered. He quickly returned with Emmett's gym bag, and tossed it towards his rapidly healing body. "It's probably better this way; he's going to be covered in soot and he'll stink like smoke. It'll make the story more believable."

Emmett moaned a few more times before finally forcing his body to a sitting position, and then he turned to us and smirked. "Damn, that was awesome."

"Okay, let's get outta here," Carlisle said, with no further response to Emmett.

"You were driving the truck; it ran into the guardrail and burst into flames. Got it?" Alice asked while handing Em his cell phone.

"Aww, you're pinning this thing on me?" he complained. "I just died; give me some time to recoup."

"I honestly don't know how you survived as long as you did before the curse," Alice said with a steady head shake.

Emmett chuckled. "There were a lot of close calls."

"Call the police, we'll meet you back at home later," Carlisle told him before getting into the driver's seat of the Jeep. Alice stuck her tongue out at Em before jumping into the Jeep's passenger seat, and then I led Bella to the back seat where we both quickly fastened our seatbelts.

"So, are we heading home?" Carlisle asked as he drove us away from the accident.

"I think we should go to Bella's house…. Her dad should really be there when we talk about all of this," I said, thinking about her mental wellbeing. Charlie wasn't very receptive to the idea of curses before, but it would be hard for him to deny it after explaining what just happened.

"Are you sure we should tell two _mortals_ about this?" Carlisle asked hesitantly, whispering the _'mortals'_ part in the hope that Bella was too out of it to really comprehend what he was saying.

I took a deep breath. "No…but Bella definitely needs to know what she just witnessed, and her father should be there for support. We can trust both of them," I said confidently.

I never planned on telling Bella or Charlie about our immortality, but there was no going back at that point, not after she just witnessed me and Em dying violently and coming back to life… I only hoped she was strong enough to really listen…


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Bella stayed quiet for the entire ten minute trip to her house, but when we arrived, I was surprised how easily she got out of the Jeep… in fact, she got out too easily and then practically ran inside.

"Edward, wait a minute," Carlisle called as I started chasing after her. "Take this," he said while unbuttoning his over shirt and tossing it to me. I actually forgot I wasn't wearing one until right then, but I was certainly glad he reminded me; being topless would have only added to the awkwardness of the tell-all meeting with Charlie.

I dressed quickly and then hurried after Bella. She was already inside, so I probably should have knocked before entering, but I didn't hesitate at the door and went right in.

"What the hell is going on?" Charlie asked confused as I walked past him.

"Is Bella upstairs?" I asked while looking around for her.

"Yeah, she just ran up there without saying a word. What the hell happened?" he asked, looking at me oddly.

"We were in an accident. Don't worry, Bella is fine physically, but she's pretty shaken up," I told him in a rush.

"Is that…blood all over you," he asked while taking a step towards me and leaning in to get a closer look. I glanced at my reflection in the window, and sure enough, Carlisle's shirt was just about the only clean thing on me. My face, neck, arms, and pants were covered in a thin layer of dried blood.

"Yes, but it's my blood, Bella isn't hurt," I tried reassuring him.

"Wha…"

Before Charlie could voice his confusion, I cut him off. "I will explain in a minute, but I need to check on Bella," I said before running up the stairs.

Just as I feared, I found Bella locked in her own personal bewilderment; she had removed her blood stained top, and was just staring at it as she sat there huddled on the floor with her legs pulled tightly to her chest.

"Bella," I said softly.

I actually expected her to continue to stare blankly, but she surprised me by turning her head to look at me, and then resting her head against her knees.

I knelt down slowly to be closer to her level. "Baby, everything is going to be okay," I cooed at her.

A tear spilled over her cheek. "Are you dead?" she whispered.

I shook my head and reached my hand out to caress her face.

"Is Emmett dead? Are you all dead? _Am I dead_?" she asked in a rush.

"No, Bella I can explain this."

"You're not dead, so I'm just crazy?" she asked with an unexpected level of acceptance.

"You're not crazy," I tried to convince her, but she wouldn't listen.

"I guess I've always known I'd end up like this, my mother is crazy after all. My dad thinks I don't know, but I do… it's just easier to pretend like I don't. I was hoping you wouldn't find out, though; when I was with you, for the first time in my life, I felt…normal. I didn't want to give that up, you know? Everyone thinks I'm crazy, and they always look at me with so much…apprehension, like they're just waiting for me to do something terrible. Even my dad….he's always watching me like I'm some ticking time bomb that's going to go off at any moment… But you…" She shook her head and more tears fell down her cheeks, and my heart just ached for her.

"Bella, you are not crazy," I said again. "This thing that just happened, that's on me. I haven't been completely honest with you. Just….come down stairs and let me explain, and I promise you will understand and you'll know you're not crazy."

"There's nothing you can say that could explain this," she murmured brokenly. "I watched you…die….more than once…but you're…you're fine now," she said while reaching up and lightly stroking her finger tips on my neck. "That's not…possible. I have to be crazy because I can't make sense of it…so what I saw has to be wrong; my mind is screwing with me, or…or you're dead, and I am in some kind of psychotic delusion right now. Either way, I'm crazy."

I was about to argue with her again, but then she sat up on her knees and put her hands on my shoulders, demanding all of my attention. "It's okay," she said, suddenly sounding less broken and more resolved. "I'm grateful for these delusions, because it means I can keep you here with me, and I never have to worry about losing you again."

"Bella…"

"I'm so sorry," she cut me off again, refusing to stop and listen. "I never meant to hurt you. I was upset because you didn't trust me enough with your family secret, and I had this ridiculous paranoid fear that that it was because you didn't really want to be with me, and I know that's stupid because we agreed that it couldn't last forever, and I promised I'd be okay with you leaving, but I just…I love you and it scares the shit out of me because nobody ever stays; my mom, any friends I've ever made, they all leave…it's only a matter of time before my dad goes too…. But I swear, I never meant to hurt you…You're the last person I ever wanted to hurt."

"Bella stop!" I shouted, just loud enough to get her to calm down. She was having a psychotic break, and if I didn't pull her back I was going to lose her, and there was no way in hell I'd allow that. "Listen to me. You didn't hurt me…well, I guess you did, that shit hurt like hell, but it was an accident and I'm fine. I'm not dead, Bella, because I can't die. That's my family secret. We can't die. We've been frozen in time for over two hundred years because I pissed off a witch and she cursed us. There was a legend about a mystical man that lived with the Quileute who knew how to end curses like ours, so that's why we're here. That's why I asked for your help to meet them."

I paused and stared at her, just trying to judge how she was taking the news, but she resorted back to her blank stares and I was terrified that I just hammered in the final nail of her sanity coffin.

But then she blinked and scrunched her face up. "So…you're like _Tuck Everlasting_?"

It was safe to say I was in shock. She refused to believe she wasn't going crazy, but my quick implausible explanation was enough to convince her? Maybe she was crazy after all.

"Tuck Everlasting?" I repeated, trying to remember the story.

"Where the family drank from the spring that gives eternal life," she reminded me.

"Oh uh… I guess it's sort of like that…but we didn't drink anything. A witch was mad at me, and she cursed me. The others were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and they got the overspray of the curse, so to speak."

She bit her bottom lip pensively. "So…you really can't die?"

I laughed once. "Well technically I've died a bunch of times, the problem comes with staying dead."

"But you don't want to be immortal, and that's why you're trying to get the Quileute magical person to break the curse?" she questioned.

I nodded. "Pretty much…but there's more, and it involves you…but I think your dad should hear it, so can we go down stairs and talk about all of this?"

She nodded but suddenly seemed anxious about something.

"What is it?"

"Edward….Is it possible that…maybe when I was younger or something…is it possible that we've met before?" she asked hesitantly.

"Before Alice brought you over that day?" I asked to clarify.

She nodded. "When I walked into your house, and saw you for the first time, I…was surprised because…I had dreamed of you before….a lot actually. Since then I've convinced myself that I just projected your face onto those dreams and it wasn't real, but…maybe it was."

"Maybe it was," I said quietly. "Maybe it has to do with the other thing I have to tell you. Come on, let's go down stairs. Alice and Carlisle can help me explain all this to you and your father."

She nodded again, and then put a clean shirt on before taking my hand and following me down the stairs.

"Now I'm a fairly open minded man, but this is absolutely absurd," we heard Charlie snapping at Carlisle as we approached the living room. Apparently the explanations already started, and I was grateful; my main concern was Bella, so I was glad my father was there to handle her father.

"It's true Charlie, and I can prove it," Alice with a frustrated huff.

"How?" Charlie asked baffled.

Alice disappeared into the kitchen and then returned with a garbage bag and what looked like a hand gun.

"Is that my gun?" Charlie asked confused.

Alice turned to me. "You might want to shield Bella's eyes. She doesn't need to see any more horrific deaths today."

I nodded once in understanding.

"What is she going to do?" Bella asked concerned.

"Giving your dad a little proof," I said before pulling her into me and covering her eyes.

It was nothing I hadn't seen before, but I doubted I'd ever truly be okay with watching my little sister put a plastic bag over her head and then shoving a gun in her mouth to blow a hole through her brain, so I too closed my eyes. The gun shot made Bella jump, but I just held her tighter and remarkably, she didn't tremble…but Charlie did let out a high pitched scream that I would have sworn was a woman if I didn't know any better.

"What the hell is going on? What the hell was that?" Charlie screeched in traumatized horror as he looked to Carlisle and me for help, but only grew more confused when we didn't budge.

He continued to freak for the entire dreadfully long two minutes it took for Alice to regain consciousness; and he freaked even more when Alice pulled the bag off her head and asked for a towel to clean the blood off her face.

"At least most of the mess is contained in the bag," Alice said defensively when Charlie's screams of panic morphed into grievances of ruining his nice towels with blood. "You know what, I'll just go take a shower," Alice decided before running up to Bella's bathroom.

It took another fifteen minutes of mindless babbling to finally get Charlie to calm down enough to listen, and surprisingly after we explained everything thoroughly, he was just angry. "Just a few hours ago, you sat here, in my living room, and listened to me confiding in you about how worried I am about Bella, and how fragile she is, and now you pull this shit on her?" he asked me irately. "She doesn't need this. Neither of us need this, so why the hell couldn't you leave us out of it?"

"Because she's Beth's granddaughter," Alice announced while she came down the stairs dressed in what looked like a pair of Bella's sweats.

"I'm what?" Bella asked, more dumbfounded by that bit of information than the immortality bomb. "Wait, when you said Beth died?"

"She died a long time ago…of old age," I clarified.

"And you're her descendant!" Alice said excitedly. "Don't you see? That's why your family has been so plagued by bad luck and mental instabilities. It's clearly the result of another curse." Then she turned to me. "Jane must have been pretty pissed at you to do all of this."

"Yes Alice, we've known all along she was mad at me for something," I said irritated.

"What the hell did you do to her?" Charlie asked bitterly.

"I wish I knew," I said honestly.

"So…let me get this straight," Bella said, surprisingly calm. "You were in love with Beth, but you were worried about Alice being labeled a witch by the townspeople because she was having visions, so you befriended another girl who had been labeled a witch in the hopes of proving there was no such thing as witchcraft, but for whatever reason that girl cursed you and the other Cullens?"

"That sums it up," I confirmed.

"But now you think the witch went back and cursed Beth's family as well….and I'm her descendent, and that's why I've been having issues all my life, and why I had dreams about you before we even met?"

"We don't know for sure that you're Beth's descendant; it's just a theory at this point," Carlisle jumped in. "Alice and Jasper are still researching your family tree."

"Jazz and I are still researching, but I'm already fairly certain that you _are_ Beth's granddaughter," Alice corrected him. "I've recently had dreams of you being with us in our home town in 1814, and my dreams always mean something, so I really don't know what more proof we need?"

"So…If you get the Quileute to break your curse…it might help Bella as well?" Charlie asked hopefully.

"That's the idea," Carlisle said with a nod. "If Alice is right about Jane cursing Beth, than it is either connected to our curse somehow as like a byproduct through Edward's affections for Beth, or a completely separate curse; either of which the Quileute Shaman should be able to help…or so the legend says."

"Now hold on, you don't even know if this guy can help you?" Charlie asked frustrated.

"It's not an exact science," Carlisle said gently. "But we have faith, and that is more powerful than any scientifically proven cure."

"Faith?" Charlie scoffed. "You were a priest, and even though nothing about this is in the bible, you still have faith that some unseen force will save you? I'm sorry, but if I were you, I would have lost my faith in anything a long time ago."

Carlisle sighed. "I admit, I have strayed from my beliefs from time to time, but…I have to have faith; I have to trust that god has a plan for everyone, even us….otherwise I would have gone insane by now."

"Well you're a more patient man than me, that's for sure," Charlie grumbled. "So what's our course of action then? What's the plan to getting these curses lifted?"

"The Quileute is all we have left," I said wearily. "If that doesn't pan-out, we're back to square one."

"And then what? I grow old and die, and you don't?" Bella asked me worriedly.

"We're going to figure this out," I said, refusing to let failure be an option. "I love you, and I'm going to grow old with you."

"But you didn't grow old with Beth," Bella said quietly. "You loved her too."

"This is different," I said, having a twinge of a memory of something long forgotten, but right when I was about to uncover it, my mental block reinforced itself twice as strong. "Damn it!"

"What?" Bella asked concerned.

I shook my head. "I think…I think I've blocked something out, and as much as I try, I can't recover it. It's always there…right outside my memory, taunting me as if it's a separate entity than the rest of my mind. Why can't I remember this?" I asked Carlisle.

"Maybe it's part of the curse," Alice suggested.

"Or maybe you're just not ready to remember it," Carlisle said slowly. "The mind has a way to preserve itself, so perhaps that memory was only doing you harm, therefore you blocked it out."

"Yeah well, it's really starting to piss me off," I grumbled. "I feel like…if I could just remember this one thing…everything would be different."

"Dad…Where is my mom?" Bella asked hesitantly.

Charlie huffed. "I want you to know, I didn't tell you the truth about her because I thought it would only hurt you."

"I know," she replied quietly. "But I feel like…maybe if I talked to her now…maybe she'd tell me something that can help us…something she doesn't even know that's important."

"Do you really think going to see her would be a good idea?" I asked her carefully.

She shrugged. "Maybe…I don't know… But a _'maybe'_ is more than a straight _'no'_ right? I mean, it's worth a try."

"Oh Bella, I'm just not sure you can handle something like that right now," Charlie said apologetically. "With everything you've just been through today, let's just…take a step back and handle everything else a little slower."

Bella bit her lower lip, and then turned to look at me as she considered what her father was saying. "I know seeing my mother in a mental facility is going to be difficult, but…I just have this gut feeling like it's important. I think…I think that if Edward comes with me, I can handle anything."

I smiled at her. "Well you sure are handling all this beautifully."

She returned the smile, and then turned back to her father. "I'm going to be fine," she told him securely.

Charlie considered it for a minute, and then he nodded. "Okay… but I want you to sleep on it. If everything's sunk in, and you're still doing well tomorrow, then I'll tell you where she is and you can go see her."

She pressed her lips. "I think that's fair enough."

"Good," Charlie said with a mix of relief and nervousness for the coming events. "Now, it's been a long day, why don't you let the Cullens go home, and you can go up to your room to get some rest."

Bella's hand reflexively found mine and her fingers tightened around me. "I'm staying with Edward."

Charlie stared me down for a minute, and just when I thought he was going to protest, he swallowed hard and sighed. "You promise me you're going to take care of her?" he asked me emotionally.

"I promise, Charlie. I love her more than anything, and I will never let anything happen to her."

"She could have died today!" he spat incredulously.

"That was my fault," Bella argued. "I zoned out while driving…and I could have lost everything from it."

"She won't be driving again for a while," I said with a slight laugh.

"Yeah, well all of you are immortal…Just remember she's not, so don't go taking any chances with her life," Charlie said protectively.

"Over the past two centuries, we've come to conclude that keeping a low profile is in everyone's best interest," Carlisle assured him. "None of us want to be the subject of a government investigation," he said with a chuckle. When Charlie didn't show any amusement in return, Carlisle coughed to disguise his laugh and then fell serious. "You have my word; we would never intentionally do anything reckless around Bella…that is, other than Emmett catching himself on fire and Alice shooting herself in the head."

"I don't think Emmett meant to catch himself on fire," Bella said unexpectedly. "It looked like he made a mistake in the amount of lighter fluid to use, and the fire just…swallowed him."

Alice rolled her eyes. "He might not have realized he did it on purpose, but that was not his first time working with lighter fluid. He either wasn't paying attention, or he did it on purpose."

"So the truck is completely totaled?" Charlie questioned evenly.

"I hope you're insured," Alice replied with a nod.

"Aww shit!" I said, remembering something. "The Quileute spears….they were in the back."

"Oh," Alice and Carlisle said at the same time.

"Why don't you guys just take Bella to rest, and I'll continue to work on getting you that meeting myself," Charlie suggested.

Bella smiled and then went over to give him a hug. "Thanks daddy."

"Now, no more funny business," he said sternly while pointing at me.

I raised my hands in mock defense. "I promise."

Alice, Carlisle, Bella, and I said our goodbyes, and then we went to the jeep to go home, and I couldn't help but be incredibly grateful by how unaffected Bella seemed from everything. Once she understood what happened, she accepted it and didn't seem to have any more issues, but even more impressive was her determination to help. As strange as it sounded, with Bella fully and completely on our side, I sincerely felt like we would finally fix everything - like her presence in our lives made us all stronger. Maybe Alice was right after all; maybe Bella really was the missing component we needed to finally break the curse and move on…


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"So…are you really going to insist that I rest?" Bella asked playfully as we shut ourselves in my room.

"I think the first thing we need to do is shower," I said with a smirk.

"Both of us? At the same time?" she asked with a mischievous grin.

"Well since we're both a mess, and I only have one shower in my bathroom, I'd say we should probably shower together."

Her grin broke into a huge smile before she grabbed my hand and quickly rushed us to my conjoined bathroom.

Showering with Bella was never a quick and easy task; washing ourselves always came second to touching, groping, and ultimately having sex in tricky and slippery positions, but with us both covered in my dried blood, we agreed that the washing part needed to come first this time.

When we were good and clean…and had enough slippery sex to sustain us for a while, we stumbled our way to bed and just held each other under the covers for a while. I wanted to give her some time to decompress and wrap her head around everything, that way she could really get out any and all questions she had for me, which included the more awkward ones…

"So wait…you were in love with Beth, and you think she's my ancestor…is there a chance that maybe….you're my ancestor too? Because that would make this entire situation seriously fucked up," Bella asked hesitantly while gesturing at the way we were lying together completely naked.

I chuckled at the thought. "That _would_ be disturbing…but thankfully no, there's no possibility of that."

"How can you be sure? I mean, you said that once you realized you were cursed, you left her…but how do you know she wasn't pregnant when you left?"

I smiled uncomfortably. "Things were…different back then. Premarital sex just wasn't done, and I'd never disrespect her father by betraying that virtue."

"So…you two never?"

"Never."

"Not even once?" she pressed.

"No, not even close. I don't think we even made it to second base."

"Really?" she asked while fighting off a grin. "So how far did you go with dear old grandma then?"

It took me a minute to try to remember that far back, but Bella misunderstood my hesitation. "Well, if you don't want to tell me…"

"Bella there is nothing I wouldn't tell you now, but to be honest, I buried a lot of those memories from back then, so it takes a bit to dig them all back up."

"So…maybe you did sleep with her but you just can't remember," she joked with a serious undertone.

I laughed once. "Uh, no. I'm a hundred percent positive I never had sex with her, and the more I think about it, the more I remember that we actually didn't do much at all. Quick hugs and chaste pecks which probably weren't even on the lips…. Her father and my father were close friends; we were all like extended family, so I would have never crossed that line even if I wanted to."

"Still…it must have been hard to leave once you realized you were cursed. I can't imagine leaving someone I love like that. Did she know why you were leaving at least?"

"No…but I did tell my parents why Alice and I were leaving….They pretty much spit in my face and said the devil took over our bodies, so…" I shrugged.

"That's…horrible," Bella said sympathetically.

"Eh…we got over it - made ourselves a new family with the Cullens. You have to understand, things were different back then, and as terrible as it sounds, even the most loving parents would have done the same."

"So you left it to your parents to explain your absence to Beth? I wonder what they told her; I mean, if you didn't realize you were cursed right away, she probably wouldn't have known about Jane's curse on her family either."

"No, I doubt she knew. My parents probably told everyone we were dead…which to them, we were."

For whatever reason, a vision of Jane's dark empty eyes as she unleashed her fury onto us that fateful day flashed into my mind…It made my stomach twist painfully.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked concerned, obviously sensing my sudden discomfort.

"Nothing," I said with a shot of the willies jolting straight down my spine. "I just thought about Jane for a moment… Thinking of her always makes me feel nauseous."

"What do you remember about her?" Bella asked curiously.

"Jane?" I asked with another shot of excruciating discomfort, this time to my chest. "She was…well, she was a witch. I mean, I didn't believe it before, and to be honest I didn't believe it when I talked to her either, but the fact that I'm still alive is proof she was."

"Yeah, but what was she like?"

I sighed. "I don't know...she was just…different," I said, really not wanting to discuss her anymore. I wanted to tell Bella absolutely everything, but the truth was that the subject of Jane was still so incredibly touchy for me that I had a hard time saying anything about her at all. "I'm still consumed with so much anger and hate that it often clouds my memory of her," I admitted after a minute. "I was just…trying to be her friend for Alice's sake, and I've regretted it every moment since. My entire family has paid for that mistake, and it seems so has yours."

"Maybe you need to let go of some of that anger before you can finally move past it," Bella suggested.

"Maybe," I agreed. "But that's easier said than done."

"You can do it….I can help you… Together we can do anything," she said confidently.

I smiled at her again. "Well it does seem a little difficult to hate anyone or anything when I have you like this," I said while pulling her bare form into mine even tighter then she already was.

She giggled. "There's no arguing with that."

We spent the next few hours making love and talking about my empty two hundred years before her, and somehow we eventually managed to catch up on some much needed sleep. It was a long night, but I think we both woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and so much lighter than we ever had before.

"Well, do you still want to go see your mom today?" I asked her curiously. Whatever she decided to do was more than fine by me. She was secure mentally, so I wasn't worried whatsoever.

She yawned and then sat up and stretched - which basically exposed her bare chest - which basically exposed my overactive lust for her, forcing me to immediately begin kissing her there.

She giggled while running her hands through my hair. "What did I do without you for the past eighteen years?"

"What did I do without you for the past two hundred and eighteen years," I mumbled into her nipple, making her giggle even more.

After we made love for the first time that morning, Bella decided she was ready and eager to go see her mother, so we showered again and finally got dressed.

"Okay, so my dad said she's in a facility in Seattle….are you up for a little road trip?" Bella asked me when she got off the phone with Charlie.

"Definitely," I said automatically.

We borrowed Esme's car and then drove the three and a half hour drive to the city, and surprisingly, Bella didn't seem worried at all about the meeting.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I kept asking her.

"I have you, so I've never been better," she replied.

However she did become nervous when we entered the facility, but I was confident that it was a normal natural nervousness, and not something that would cause her to break.

We were told by the staff that Renee was on a lot of medication to help with her delusions, and because she was in that subdued state, we were allowed to have a few minutes alone with her. So they led us to a private room where they instructed us to just knock twice when we wanted out.

"You're going to stay with me the whole time, right?" Bella asked as we waited for her mother to be brought in.

I smiled at her. "Of course. Where else am I going to go?"

"Just…if she asks you to leave to talk to me alone, or if I get a little crazy and ask you to leave, just…don't."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay," she said, sounding sincerely relieved.

"Bella," a woman's voice sounded from behind us, so Bella and I both reflexively turned.

"Mom," Bella replied while standing and giving her a tentative hug.

"Oh Bella, I was so worried I'd never see you again," Renee cried quietly.

"Mom…of course you'd see me again. Why would you even think you wouldn't?"

"I never expected your father to tell you where I was in time."

"In time for what?" Bella asked confused.

"Oh sweetheart, remember all the fun we used to have traveling the country?" Renee asked, abruptly changing the subject while the two women came to sit down together.

"Yeah, of course…but I actually came here today because I really need to talk to you about something…Mom…is there anything about our family…anything at all that you remember hearing about our ancestors? Any stories passed down; any family legends?"

"Oh honey, you know I wasn't close to my mother."

"I know, but….what about your sister? Or your aunt?" Bella asked reluctantly. "Dad said they had issues before they passed…do you remember anything about that?"

Renee's confusion oddly turned into suspicion. "Why would Charlie tell you anything about them?"

"He said that you originally moved to Forks so you could be close to the Quileute…because you thought our family was cursed and you were hoping they could help us," Bella said candidly.

Without responding to Bella's question, something made Renee turn and look at me for the first time, and she gasped before jumping out of her chair. "Stay away!" she screamed at me. "Bella run! Baby, save yourself!"

"Mom, what are you talking about?" Bella asked bewildered.

"He's here for you….He's going to take you away!" she said, and then turned back to me again. "I will not let you have her! I will not let you take my baby the way you took my sister!"

I held my hand out towards her, trying to calm her down. "Renee, I don't know who you think I am, but I'm not going to hurt Bella. I'm Edward, her boyfriend."

"Don't listen to him Bella, he was sent here to mess with your mind," Renee said in a panic. "He's the devil…he's come to take you from this world."

"Mom, stop this," Bella pleaded. "You don't even know what you're saying."

"No, you need to trust me, Bella, please; you have to believe what I'm telling you. I'm not crazy…I just see more than the normal person does. I know what's out there. I know what he can do to young girls."

"Renee, I promise, I've never done anything to anyone," I tried assuring her.

She ignored me. "Bella…baby, I can't lose you the way I did my sister."

"Mom, I'm not going to kill myself!" Bella shouted in frustration.

"Don't you think Maggie said the same thing to our mother," Renee cried, "and my Aunt Mary too. Bella they both saw him before they committed suicide."

"What?" Bella and I said at the same time.

"Mary drew his face…over and over for weeks before she hung herself….and when my little sister Maggie started drawing him too, my mother knew she was doomed. He's Death, Bella, the Grim Reaper… He's the devil himself…he made them do it….he made Mary hang herself, he made Maggie jump off the bridge."

"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about," I told her gently, but she still wouldn't listen.

"Mom, just because Maggie and Mary drew a man's face before they died, that doesn't mean it was Edward," Bella tried reasoning with her.

"It was _him_!" Renee replied forcefully. "I still have the drawings from both of them…they're in our family chest…in the attic of your dad's house. Bella, go home and look; you'll see I'm telling you the truth, and then you have to promise me that you'll get as far away from him as possible. Run away Bella, and never stop running. Promise me!"

"I think we should go now," Bella told me, refusing to make that promise to her mother.

"No, Bella…you have to promise me!" Renee asked desperately.

"I have no idea how to assure her that I'm not a threat to you," I whispered to Bella.

"You can't assure her anything when she's like this… She's crazy… That's all there is to it," Bella told me before getting up and heading for the door.

"Please don't hurt my baby. Please," Renee begged me as I stood to follow Bella out.

I shook my head slightly. "I'd never hurt her. I promise."

"Please," she asked one more time.

"I'm sorry," I murmured to her, having no idea what else to say.

When we got out of the room, Bella told her mother's doctor that whatever medications she was on wasn't working, and then we left, but we brought a bucket load of tension with us. Neither of us spoke for a good hour's worth of driving, but the gravity of it all was just too much to hold inside. "Bella…what if she's not crazy?" I asked her carefully.

"She _is_ crazy, Edward. How could you see her act that way and think anything less?" Bella replied emotionlessly.

"But…but she said both your aunt and her aunt had visions of me before they died."

"She's either remembering it wrong, or she's so crazy that she just made the whole thing up after seeing you there with me," she argued.

"But you said you had dreams about me before we met too," I pointed out. "That's three generations of women having visions of me…That's pretty freaky." Bella turned to look at me, and despite the fact that I was driving, I looked back. "It could mean something…It could mean _everything_," I whispered.

She huffed. "We don't even know if they really saw _you_."

"Well, then let's go open the chest and find out."

She didn't respond, she just turned her head and looked out the window, and we were both lost in our thoughts for the rest of the trip.

I was actually really grateful Charlie wasn't home when we arrived at their house; as much as I appreciated his support, this would have been just one more thing for him to resent me over, and I didn't feel like dealing with that at the moment.

"Here it is," Bella said anxiously while blowing some of the dust off the top of the chest. Their attic was cold and musty, and to be honest, it sort of gave me the creeps and made the whole situation that much more unnerving.

"You ready to open it?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "I guess."

The chest had been up there for as long as Charlie owned that house, so the latch was rusted, but after banging on it with an old hockey skate I found, we were finally able to get it open.

"Wow…this is a whole lot of…junk," Bella said as she shifted through the old papers and strangely disturbing dolls piled inside. "Hey maybe these are worth some money," Bella said slightly amused while holding up one of the dolls.

"Bella look, there's a notebook," I said, pointing at a leather book that read 'Maggie' on the cover. "That was your aunt, right?"

"Yeah," she said, and then swallowed hard before grabbing the book. She opened it slowly, and like her mother did when she first saw me, she gasped.

I took the notepad from her hands and practically gasped myself…it was a perfect sketching of me. _What the hell was going on?_

After taking a minute to let the shock recede, Bella slowly returned to searching through the chest and found more drawings of me; some looked identical to the one in the notebook, but she also found some that appeared much older which bared the label 'Mary 1974' on the back.

"Edward," Bella said in stunned disbelief as she held up one more picture of me, which was clearly even older than the others.

"Charlotte 1954," I read the caption. "Who's Charlotte?"

"I don't know," Bella said quietly. "How is this possible? Did you…did you know them before they died? Maybe you met them somewhere?"

I shook my head. "Bella, I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that I haven't socialized with anyone outside my family since the curse. Alice went to various high schools over the years because she wanted to make friends, but… the most contact I've had with people was while ordering food from restaurants and drive-throughs. I never met your aunt Maggie, or Mary, and I certainly didn't know anyone named Charlotte."

"They're all twenty years apart," Bella said absently. "1954, 1974, Maggie died in 1994….and now it's 2014 and you're here with me."

"It's the curse," I said doubtlessly. "This has to do with the curse Jane put on Beth's descendants."

"But why would we all see you?"

"Because Jane was mad at me and this is the way she took out her anger. She must have wanted all of Beth's daughters and granddaughters to know that it was my fault!" I concluded, letting that ancient anger and hatred for the witch boil to the surface once more. "_Fuck!_"

"So…what do we do now?" Bella asked after several minutes of stewed silence.

I sighed. "There's no denying that you've been affected by this curse anymore. We _must _find the Quileute shaman and figure out how to fix this once and for all. Call your dad…tell him this can't wait any longer."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Since Charlie and Bella shared the truck, and the truck was no longer in service, Charlie had a friend drop him off at the turnoff into La Push, and we stopped there in Esme's car to pick him up.

"So what did Renee say? Why the sudden urgency?" Charlie asked us concerned.

"This urgency isn't sudden," I told him. "It's two hundred years in the making."

"Yes, but why do we need to do this today? Right now?" he questioned.

"It seems every generation in Bella's family, there is a girl who has visions of me…and it's every twenty years, so I feel like…like if we don't get this done now, we'll miss the opportunity," I said honestly.

"Okay, but why couldn't it wait until tomorrow?" Charlie pressed.

"We just want to get this over with," Bella told him.

"I really feel like this is important," I added. "The sooner we get this handled, the sooner we can really start living."

"Okay, fair enough. So you really think Old Quill is our guy?" he asked us.

I shrugged. "He's the eldest council member, right? If he's not the shaman than he must know who is."

"Then we'll go there and refuse to leave until he speaks to us," Charlie decided.

"So…what's the plan?" I asked after pulling up to Quill's house.

"Let me go in first and see if he'd be willing to talk to me, and then I'll try to get him to talk to you," Charlie suggested.

But before Charlie could even make to the front door, Little Quill jumped out of the house, excited for any and all company who might be there. "Hey Charlie, whatcha doing?" he asked eagerly.

"Quill, hey…is your grandpa in?" Charlie mumbled.

Something made Quill look past Charlie to Bella and me in the car, and his lips spread into a cocky grin. "Well, hey there; if it's not Bella and her boyfriend. Here to make that donation?"

"Okay," I said evenly before opening the car door to get out.

"What are you doing? My dad said to stay here," Bella said in a rush.

"I'm just going to go teach that little fucker a lesson," I told her.

"Uh, no you're not. Violence won't solve anything."

"Bella, he's just _asking_ for it," I growled.

"I know, but don't. You hit him then there's no way his grandfather will even talk to us."

I huffed. "I suppose you're right."

Bella and I got out of the car anyway, and I just stared the kid down, hoping to intimidate him as much as possible.

"Listen, I would let you guys in to talk to my grandpa, but he really doesn't like strangers," Quill said defensively. "A donation would really work. Maybe it doesn't have to be five grand, but it should be at least three."

"Oh Quill, stop bullshitting them," a young woman said as she walked up to us carrying a grocery bag.

"Emily," Quill said under his breath, obviously upset she was there.

"Hi, I'm Emily, Quill's cousin. What can I do for you guys?"

"Oh hey Emily, we've met before. I'm Billy's friend Charlie," Charlie reminded her.

"Of course, and Bella your daughter, right?" she asked. "But I don't believe I know you," she said to me with a smile.

"I'm Edward Cullen, Bella's boyfriend," I said with an outstretched hand.

"Well I'm so glad to meet you," she said graciously while shaking my hand.

"We're actually here to speak to your grandpa…do you think you can arrange that?" Charlie asked her.

"I'll see what I can do," she said with a wink to me.

When she disappeared into the house, and Quill followed her in, Bella let out a small giggle.

"What?" I asked having no idea what was so funny.

"It seems a pretty face goes a long way in both sexes," Charlie answered.

"Huh?" I asked clueless.

"Oh come on, she was totally flirting with you," Bella laughed.

"Who, Emily? No, she was just being polite."

"You definitely haven't been around women in a long time," Charlie teased.

"He hasn't really been around women at all," Bella corrected. "They didn't do much dating in 1814."

"That is true, but Emily was not flirting with me," I argued.

Bella was about to debate me some more, but then Emily returned. "Now is actually a great time to come in and talk to him. His spirits are high today."

"Perfect. Thank you," Charlie told her as we all followed her inside.

The house was actually quite impressive for it's small stature. The living room was filled with all sorts of culturally important artifacts; being there was like stepping into a history book or a museum, and it was all strangely familiar in a way.

"My grandfather will meet with you right through there," she said, pointing to another room, which oddly had an observation window into the room we were currently standing in.

"This is…unique for a residential house," Bella commented.

"This used to be the reservation's council building, and that in there, was the one and only meeting room. My grandfather moved in here when a bigger council building was constructed down town."

"Oh…interesting," Bella told her.

Through the window we could see an old man sitting in a large leather chair, smoking a pipe. He was definitely weathered looking, as if he had been through the ringer in his life, and even though we had yet to speak to him, a twinge of hope shot through me. We would not leave that house without answers, I was sure of it - but then Emily dropped the bomb…

"I'm sorry, but he's only willing to speak to Charlie and his daughter. He doesn't trust strangers."

"Oh, but Edward is actually the one who needs to talk to him the most," Bella told her.

"I'm sorry, he won't budge," Emily replied.

I sighed. "Well, you two know everything, so…"

"We'll ask him your questions," Bella assured me before giving me a quick kiss on the lips and then following her father into the other room.

"So…how long have you been dating Bella?" Emily asked casually after a minute.

"Uh… a while," I said, honestly not knowing how long it had been.

"Hmm… Is it serious?" she asked while leaning against the wall I was standing near.

I was trying to focus on the meeting happening in the other room, but it looked as though Old Quill was telling a story about the picture on the wall. "Is he even going to let them ask any questions?" I asked Emily concerned.

"Oh, he will…eventually. Grandfather likes to tell stories, so it'll be a while before he lets them talk…In fact, his memory is so bad he'll probably tell them the same story five times before he lets them say a word," she said with a giggle.

"So…his memory is gone?" I asked, suddenly feeling like there was a large lump in my throat.

"He's almost a hundred years old, what do you expect?"

"Shit," I said to myself before falling into the chair there, and dropping my head into my hands. "What the hell are we supposed to do now?"

Emily seemed oblivious to my distressed state, and kept talking casually. "I know it seems a little boring, but I just love hearing Grandfather's stories. All of them have so much meaning. Nobody holds as much pride and value in their history more than Natives do. We pass the stories down generation after generation, just so they're never lost. It's actually kinda beautiful, if you think about it."

"I'm sure it is," I said absently while still lost in my own angst. Old Quill was our last idea; if he wasn't of sound mind and he couldn't tell us anything, where would we go from there?

"That's why all these artifacts are so important," Emily continued. "Each piece holds a story…Like those spears, for example. They were lost for over a century, and even though they were badly burned in an accident, they still hold so much significance."

_Wait, spears burned in an accident?_

I turned reflexively, and there they were, my spears sitting there on the coffee table.

"Those are mine," I said in disbelief.

Emily smirked. "No, I believe they are mine."

"Wha…how…" I was completely and utterly speechless.

"I've been watching you, Mr. Masen, for a very long time, and I have to tell you, I've been very entertained."

"Wh-uh, I tttold you my last name was Cullen," I stuttered.

"Yes, but we both know that's not really your name, don't we?"

"You're the shaman?" I asked flabbergasted.

"You know, in the hundred years it's been since I saw you last, I really would have thought you'd have more figured out by now," she replied, clearly amused by my bewilderment.

"Hundred years?" I asked confused.

"The last time you and the others were here, asking to be relieved from your curse," she deadpanned.

"You were here then?"

"Of course, I've been here for centuries; ever since my family first migrated here from the South. It hasn't been an easy secret to keep from those close to me – I'm sure you can understand that. Only the eldest in the tribe is privy to my truth; unfortunately Old Quill isn't coherent enough anymore to really protect my secret, so I have to limit his communication with people we don't know well enough to trust."

I swallowed hard. "Why wouldn't you speak to us before?"

"There was nothing I could tell you before…nothing that would be of any use to you, and I honestly thought you would have figured it out for yourself by now."

"So why are you talking to me now?" I asked carefully.

She smiled and shrugged. "Let's just say I believe you'll be more receptive to it now considering all you have to lose." She gestured to Bella in the other room.

"I'll do anything," I said with conviction. "I'll give you whatever you want, just please, take this curse off of us."

"I'm sorry, but that is something I cannot do."

My stomach dropped. "No, you have to. I can't live forever…I need to be with Bella. This curse, it was my fault - my family doesn't deserve this, and neither does Bella's. You have to help us, please, I'm begging you," I asked desperately.

"It isn't a choice I have to make," Emily said evenly. "I don't even possess the power to remove a witch's curse. I am but a seer…keeper of all things ever known… I know exactly what happened to you, but that doesn't mean I can undo it."

"But the tribe in Brazil told us that the one who possesses the power to grant immortality as well as take it away lives here," I argued.

She laughed once. "I think something got messed up in translation. The ability to cheat time is something only achieved with immense power that is drawn from within… It is not something that can be taught or learned. You are either born with such power, or you're not."

I took a deep breath. "And no one here was born with such power," I assumed. "Besides you, that is."

"I was not born, I just am..but I certainly don't have the power you're looking for. That power is extremely rare, and is usually passed on through the generations…but even if I had such power, I still wouldn't be able to help you. Dark magic is as unique as someone's fingerprint; only the one who conceived the magic can remove it."

My heart jumped. "Jane? But she's dead….she wasn't immortal, she died a long time ago…and she didn't have any children to pass that power onto," I said in a panic. "Does that mean there's no cure? We really have to live like this forever?"

"Jane was a young inexperienced witch," Emily said pensively. "She did not know her own power… Her curse came from raw emotion, and that type of magic is the strongest in existence. Perhaps if she was better trained - more educated about what she possessed." She took a breath. "Jane didn't know what she was doing, and if she had, I'm sure it wouldn't have happened."

"Yeah, well that doesn't help us now, does it?" I said bitterly. "She obviously knew enough to go curse Beth's family when she was done with me."

"Young Jane only created _one_ curse… It was a curse that was so strong that it ended up killing her two days later. Beth's family was untouched by magic of any kind."

I laughed once humorlessly. "No, that's not true…"

"No magic comes without a price," Emily cut me off. "Every curse has repercussions for the person who cast it. If Jane knew what she was doing, the consequence could have been molded into something useful, but as it was, she is still, to this day, paying for what she did to you and the others."

"How could she be paying for it when she's dead? You mean like in hell, or something?"

"I suppose, in a way. You've described your situation as hell, haven't you?"

"Can you just tell me what I need to know?" I asked, frustrated by her riddles and nonsense.

"All of the clues are before you," she replied calmly.

"Ugh, I'm so tired of trying to decipher clues! Please, I came here for help…"

She put her hand up to stop me. "Since it was your intention to bring me back my spears, I'll explain - Jane died two days after you were cursed in September of 1814. Two months after her death, her sister became pregnant with her second daughter_ Victoria_; she was born one year to the day of Jane's death…Victoria ended up dying under unusual circumstances on her nineteenth birthday; two months later her older sister became pregnant with her second daughter Caroline… who was born exactly one year after Victoria died. Caroline went on to also die unexplainably on her nineteenth birthday, and her sister gave birth to her second daughter one year later…"

"It's every twenty years," I said, suddenly feeling violently sick to my stomach. "Wait…you're saying Jane…"

"Has been reincarnated every twenty years since the curse? Yes. The older sister always has two daughters - the first born will go on to have two daughters of her own, and the younger is Jane, doomed to die at nineteen. She never remembers her previous lives, but having all that power without having knowledge of it tends to make one a little…crazy, especially as her death draws near and she begins to see images or flashes of her first life as Jane."

"Bella," I whispered.

"I must admit, it has been rather entertaining watching you fall in love with the woman who cursed you, but then again, it's not all that surprising, now is it?"

I shook my head in denial. "Bella is not Jane."

"Physically, no, but they are of the same spirit, and the magic is contained in that spirit."

"So…you're saying she can break this?" I asked with a bittersweet spark of hope.

"She has the power to break it, but…unfortunately with her nineteenth birthday approaching, there just isn't enough time. At least Jane was raised by a witch and knew that such magic existed. Bella would have no way to know what to do or how to do it….Perhaps…"

"What?" I shouted impatiently.

"Wait a year. Bella will have died, and her soul will inhabit her newborn niece. Find the infant and bring her to me. I will raise her with the knowledge of how to harness her abilities. Maybe then she will be able to lift the curse."

I laughed relieved. "See, you almost had me going for a moment. I almost started believing you…but the thing is, Bella is an only child. She doesn't have a sister, so it's impossible for her to become her niece."

My doubt made Emily scowl. "I'm sorry, but I'm not lying or making this up. You've seen the drawings of Bella's previous forms…all remembering the image of you before they died. Maggie, Mary, Charlotte…they were all the same soul, and they all drew you because of Jane's intense feelings for you. You must have been the last thought on Jane's mind before she passed…. Bella will die on her nineteenth birthday, and she will be reborn a year later. That's just the way of it."

"How? She doesn't have a sister!" I shouted again.

"Oh, but she does. Her mother gave birth to a baby girl when she was seventeen, and then gave the child up for adoption. Bella's older sister already has one daughter, and in just over two months' time, she will be pregnant with Bella...or Jane, rather."

Every muscle in my body tensed in an attempt to defend myself from the onslaught of pain that was coming at lightning speed. A moment later, when the pain did hit, I realized no amount of tensing could ever be enough; the agony was just too much and I had to escape before I exploded.

I was in a blinding haze of confusion and anguish as I raced to my car and drove right out of the reservation. I didn't even pause for a moment to consider the fact that I had driven Bella and Charlie there and they'd have no ride home. I just didn't care. I never hated anyone more than I hated Jane, and to find out she was Bella just made me hate her too. Two hundred years of loathing resentment was nothing compared to the raging fire that I was feeling right then.

I had been sleeping with the enemy. I brought her into my home and let her hang out with my family. I encouraged her to befriend my sister. I trusted her with my darkest secrets.

_How could I have been so fucking stupid?_

I found myself driving up to Coyote Creek, and without taking a moment to think it through, I slammed on the gas pedal and drove myself off the cliff.

The pain was too much and I just wanted it to end, even for a few minutes, I just needed it to end…


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Usually dying gave me a sense of relief, and when I woke back up I tended to have better control of my emotions, however waking up this time just seemed to make me angrier. There was a part of me that thought discovering the truth about Bella would somehow end the curse and my death would finally be permanent; it was a hope that wouldn't come to fruition, and that disappointment only added to my rage.

On top of the emotional and physical pain, it also started raining, and I had no way to get home except to walk.

_Fuck!_

It took a good five hours to finally make it back to my house, not that I was in any rush or anything; the truth was, I contemplated not returning at all. How the hell was I going to explain what I did? How could I ever make it okay that I invited the very evil that cursed us back into our lives? It was a conversation I was definitely not looking forward to….but I loved my family and they deserved an explanation, and even more importantly, they needed to be warned.

"Edward?" I heard Esme call from the kitchen the moment I walked into the door. "Oh my god, where have you been?" she asked as she rushed to me. "We've been so worried. Bella called several times…"

"She's not here, is she?" I asked in a panic. I had no way of knowing whether or not Emily told Bella everything she told me, so it was best to anticipate another attack at any given time.

"No…she just asked us to call her when you show up. She's worried, honey. She said you just left them there without saying a word."

"Whatever you do, don't let her come over, okay?" I demanded.

"Edward, what's going on? Why wouldn't we let Bella come over?"

"I couldn't find him anywhere!" Emmett called as he walked into the house. "Op, never mind, found him," he said when he saw me there.

"Where are the others? I need to talk to everyone," I told them.

"Honey, you're scaring me; what happened?" Esme pressed.

"Yeah precious, what's got you in a tizzy this time?" Emmett asked mockingly. "Wait a minute…I didn't see Esme's car out front…did you drive off a cliff again?"

Esme gasped. "Did you?"

"Yes, but that's not important. I need to talk to everyone."

"Well that is it!" Esme exploded. "I'm sorry to do this to you, but your driving privileges are revoked indefinitely."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, whatever, I don't care, just please get everyone in here."

Esme shook her head at me, and Emmett smirked before they both set off to hopefully go retrieve the others.

Five minutes later everyone convened in the living room.

"Edward, why did you drive another car off a cliff?" Carlisle asked as he walked into the room.

"Yeah, can't you find a cheaper way to kill yourself?" Rose sneered.

"The car is inconsequential," I said frustrated.

"Maybe to you, Esme loved that car," Carlisle argued.

"Alright!" I snapped. "Esme, I apologize for the car…I wasn't thinking."

"That's nothing new," Emmett teased.

"What happened today?" Alice asked, surprisingly being the focused one for a change. "Bella said she and her father went to talk to the councilman, and when they came out you were gone. I guess the woman there told her you had a necessary unpleasant wake-up call, but she refused to explain any further….What does that mean?"

"That woman was who we've been waiting to talk to all this time," I said with a weary sigh.

"Wait, that woman? The shaman is a _woman_?" Emmett snickered, but he was immediately smacked in the head by Rose causing him to shut up.

"She wasn't exactly a shaman," I clarified. "She said she was a seer…"

"A keeper of everything ever known," Carlisle said with an excited nod. "Of course. That actually goes with the Native culture better than a witch doctor."

"Obviously she didn't lift the curse because you drove your car off the cliff and you're not dead," Jasper said casually. "Did she at least tell you how to lift it?"

"More or less….more like _less,_" I grumbled.

"Well what did she say?" Alice asked impatiently.

I took in a deep cleansing breath – _not that it helped_. "She said the curse could only be broken or lifted by the person who created it."

Everyone erupted into incredulous chatter, so I lifted my hand to shut them all up. "Only Jane can break it…fortunately Jane's been reincarnated, and is currently living here in Forks."

More shocked ranting from everyone in the room became so loud that I was sure my brain was going to explode. "It's Bella!" I shouted over the noise, which in turn made everyone fall silent. "Bella is Jane," I said a little quieter.

"What…but that's not possible," Alice said in stunned disbelief. "I had those visions of her…" Her face went blank for a moment, and then she nodded. "Okay, yeah I guess that makes sense. Oh wow, I can't believe I misread my dreams that badly…Edward, I'm so sorry."

"Shit man, that's a tough break," Emmett said sympathetically.

"Does she know?" Rose asked evenly. "Because if she's been playing us this entire time, I'm seriously going to cut the bitch."

"She doesn't know," I said, feeling like the pain and anger I had held onto since finding out was suddenly sucked away, leaving me numb once again. "The seer said she may…see images or faint memories that she can't decipher from her life as Jane, but…" I let my sentence trail off.

"Well how could she possibly help us if she can't remember?" Esme asked concerned.

"She can't…there's nothing Bella can do, but…part of the consequence for creating such a curse, is that she is reincarnated every twenty years… Bella's time is almost up, and the seer said to bring her the baby she is reincarnated into so that she can raise her with the knowledge she would need to break the curse," I told them mechanically.

"So…Bella is going to die?" Alice whispered, causing a painful jolt straight to my chest.

"Well…if we find her as a baby then at least that means we could only have a couple decades left of this," Jasper said, trying to look on the bright side.

"Yeah, and if you still have a thing for her, you can date that chick after she grows up," Emmett said while shoving me playfully.

"Ugh, don't be ridiculous," Rose snubbed her nose. "Edward didn't know Bella was Jane; there is no way he'd ever intentionally date the girl who cursed us. Right Edward?"

My stomach twisted again. "Of course not," I choked out. "We just need to…wait until she's reincarnated again, and then bring her to the seer. The end is finally achievable, and it's coming," I said with as much enthusiasm as possible. "I'm going to…" I pointed to the stairs, and without saying another word, I ran to my bedroom like the pathetic coward I was.

I just couldn't take it. They were all exuding the anger and resentment that I was feeling just a few minutes before, so in a way I felt like I was giving them that burden and I didn't have to be so angry anymore myself. It may have been selfish of me, but I was wonderfully numb and that's the way I intended to stay.

I didn't leave my room for several days. Occasionally someone would knock lightly on my door and say they were leaving food, but I never actually ate any...or drank either. I showered occasionally, but only because my smell was distracting me from the hollow nothingness I was existing in, and that nothingness was the only thing keeping me from going insane. I was starving and way past dehydrated, but my damn immortality refused to relent, so there I stayed, like a petrified vampire locked in a tomb.

But eventually the gentle knocking at my door turned into increasingly loud poundings, and the murmurs of food left mutated into irritated demands to come out before I began to rot - _like I could be so lucky_.

"Alright, enough is enough!" Alice shouted at me after she unlocked my door with a screwdriver.

"It's only been a few days," I argued while throwing my pillow at her. "Leave me alone."

"It's been over two weeks, Edward!" Alice snapped at me. "I get you're pissed at the fucking world for bringing you and Jane back together like that, but get over it already! She doesn't remember anything, so you shunning her without any explanation, is just _mean_."

I was shocked that my little sister would talk to me in that way - shocked enough to wake the fuck up and realize she was right. "It doesn't matter," I said quietly. "Whether she knew or not, it doesn't change the fact that she is Jane…How the hell am I supposed to put that aside long enough to explain anything when all I want to do is blow up at her?"

"Then blow up at her, Edward. Anything would be better than leaving her hanging the way she has been. The poor girl thinks you fell in love with Emily and you're too scared to tell her."

"What?" I spat. "That's fucking ridiculous!...Wait, you talked to her? Like after I told you who she is?"

"She just kept calling… She's my friend, what was I supposed to do?"

"You were supposed to _not_ talk to her like I told you!" I shouted. "She's dangerous, Alice."

"Oh it's Bella, she wouldn't even begin to know how to hurt any of us…especially since we're all immortal," she said in a _'duh'_ tone.

"She's a witch, Alice…if she had the ability to curse us, she has the ability to hurt us even worse," I pointed out.

"She doesn't remember being a witch. She wouldn't know how to cast another curse even if she wanted to," she said dismissively.

"She's stronger than she knows, and that's where the danger is. Do you honestly think Jane knew what she was doing?"

Alice huffed. "If she didn't know what she was doing, then why are we all so mad at her?"

I was absolutely dumbfounded for a moment. _Did Alice have a point?_ I shook my head at the thought. "It doesn't matter if she intended to curse us or not. She obviously went there that day with the aggressive drive to do something. You didn't see that evil look in her eyes, Alice…That look has haunted me every day since."

"Well, what did you do to piss her off?"

"I. Don't. Know!" I shouted through gritted teeth. "We've been through this a million times, Alice. I don't know why she hated me?"

"Well there's your problem. Talk to Bella…Tell her the truth…Maybe something will jog her memory, maybe you can come up with a solution together."

I huffed and shook my head resolved. "I can't….I know it's pathetic, but I can't…I've hated her for two hundred years, I can't just turn that off."

Alice let a beat of silence pass, almost as if she was waiting for just the right theatrical timing to drop a bomb…and then she smirked and let it go. "Well you better figure it out, because she's here to talk to you," she said before rushing out of the room and leaving the door open to let Bella in.

I froze when I saw her there, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fucking terrified.

"Hey," she said softly.

I didn't know what to say or how to react, but I found myself turning away and busying myself with anything other than interacting with her in any way. It was rude, but it was all I could do to keep from exploding.

"Edward, look…I don't know what happened at Quill's, and I guess it doesn't matter…I just…I just need to know for sure that it's really over. I mean, it's obvious that it's over, but…I don't know, I guess I just needed to see you one more time…just to know _you're okay_," she said, trying to keep her tone even but her voice broke at the end.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled without looking at her, and at that moment, I really was sorry. Fuck, I knew it wasn't her fault, and I knew she couldn't possibly understand, but I certainly couldn't get past it either.

I heard her sniffle. "You don't have to be sorry. I mean, we went into this thing agreeing that we wouldn't be all broken up when the other wanted to leave….but, I don't know…I thought…I thought things had changed."

My stomach twisted from her words, especially because things _had_ changed. I promised to love her forever and there I was, breaking that promise. I hated myself for it probably even more than I hated her.

"Listen, I know you don't want me here, but…" She took a deep breath in a clear attempt to sturdy her emotions, and then she said the one thing that could drag me out of my numbness and back into the world of pain – "Next week is my birthday, and my dad bought tickets to go on an helicopter ride down the peninsula…_because he knew how badly I always wanted to go on a helicopter_... Anyway, he got three tickets thinking I'd want you to come, but…since you don't want to come, I just…I was thinking about inviting Alice because I really don't have any other friends…but I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it considering everything…"

She continued to ramble on for a bit, but I was still stuck on the horrifying part where she mentioned her birthday. Bella would be turning nineteen…

"You know what, I'll just text Alice later, and if you don't want her going then just have her tell me, okay?" she said in a rush, trying to fight off her emotions but losing the battle. "I hope you find the solace you're looking for Edward, I really do," she said before turning and heading for the door.

My heart leapt into my throat. Bella was walking out my door…her birthday was coming…she wouldn't live to see another… I'd never see her again.

I was confused, and scared, and still so angry and consumed by feelings of betrayal and resentment that it made it difficult to think straight. I had hated Jane so much for so long, and that hate became imbedded into the very essence of who I was, but for the first time I realized just how crippling it had been on my soul. It was true that there was a thin line between love and hate, and in that moment my love for Bella completely erased that line and bled into the hate creating a new emotion, something I couldn't properly describe.

"Bella wait!" I called before catching her by the arm. "Bella…" I grabbed her other arm with my free hand and reflexively pulled her into me to rest my forehead against hers. "I'm so sorry," I whispered as my vision suddenly became blurry. _Was I crying?_ "I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't want you to leave, please don't go. I love you so much."

She didn't understand my abrupt switch, and frankly neither did I, but the intensity of it seemed to take both our breaths away.

I wasn't sure who kissed who, but suddenly we were in a frenzied uncontrollable state of desperate passion, and I was back to feeling like I couldn't possibly get close enough to her. She wasn't Jane, but she wasn't Bella either because she wasn't defined by a name or the life of a body…she was so much bigger than that, and as I uncontrollably tore her clothes away from her body, I knew things would never be the same.

The frenzy receded just enough to allow me to push into her slowly, and that calmness allowed me to realize that there was absolutely no anger left inside me. No bitterness, no resentment, no animosity, and no feelings of betrayal; there was nothing left to hold onto and nothing to forgive, because however the curse began, it allowed me to experience that moment, and I wouldn't have wanted to miss it for the world.

Then it happened….

It started off slowly – I was looking deep into Bella's eyes as I moved inside of her, and suddenly my mind morphed Bella's chocolate eyes into Jane's sky blues. It made me gasp from the shock, but I didn't pause or hesitate, and when I pulled back enough to see all of Bella's face, her features kept going in and out of focus and I could actually see glimpses of Jane. From brown eyes to blue and back to brown again; from brunette to blond, and then back to brunette. Bella's lips, Jane's lips - my mind was seriously fucking with me, but strangely enough, seeing Jane in that way actually made me hold her even tighter.

I didn't understand what was happening, but I didn't fight it either, and as the rush of my climax hit, a tidal wave of something else overtook me - The floodgate had opened, and I finally remembered everything that I had suppressed for so long.

The onslaught of memories was so violent and incredibly shocking that I had no choice but to pull away from her and race to the bathroom to vomit out the pain. I hadn't eaten in _god only knew how long_, so my stomach was already empty leaving nothing but rancid bile coming out of my throat, followed by countless bouts of dry-heaving.

I never felt worse than I did in that moment; physically, as well as emotionally. It was like I was hit by a wrecking ball and then my heart was cut from my chest with a butter knife. I knew instantly that was the reason why I had buried it so deeply…because nobody could survive that amount of pain, not even an immortal. Had I been able to remember it all along I would have been reduced to nothing more than a hollow statue of pain…but I guess in a way, that was exactly what had happened. I hadn't lived since the curse, and it was because of this…but now I had a second chance…a way to finally fix it and make everything right.

I rinsed my mouth out with water and then quickly returned to my bedroom, but because nothing in my life could ever be simple, Bella was gone…


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"Did anyone see Bella come through here?" I asked in a rush as I ran downstairs looking for her.

"Yeah, she just zipped right out the door. She looked kind of upset," Rose said carelessly as she lounged on the couch, flipping through a magazine.

"Did she say anything?" I asked concerned.

"Nope," Rose replied, popping the P. "And it's a good thing she didn't; I might have had to pull all her hair out if she said a word to me."

"Rose, you have no fucking idea what the hell you're talking about!" I snapped at her.

"She's the chick responsible for my endless life without the ability to ever become a mother, is she not?"

"Yeah, well she doesn't remember any of that; and as far as _why _she did it, you can just place all your fucking blame on me, okay?"

She raised her eyes surprised. "Oh, so you finally remember what you did to piss her off?"

"Uh…not exactly," I said, and then walked over to the key drawer and grabbed the first set of car keys I could find.

"Wait, where are you going?" Rose asked suspiciously.

"I gotta find Bella," I said, offering no other explanation.

"You better not be taking my car!" she called after me.

Lucky for her, I wasn't, but even if I was, it wouldn't really matter; I was finished with driving cars off of cliffs, it was time to finally start living…as long as I could convince Bella of the same thing.

I drove Emmett's jeep straight to Bella's, praying to all things holy that she'd be there, and once again I walked right in without knocking.

"Bella?" I called to her, but she didn't respond and I didn't see Charlie either. "Bella?" I called again. Since she still didn't answer, I ran up the stairs and said her name one more time as I entered her room.

"Edward?" she finally answered while sticking her head out of the bathroom. "What are you doing here?"

"Why did you leave?" I asked before reflexively wrapping my arms around her.

She pulled away, and then glared at me like I just slapped her across the face.

I took a deep breath. "Bella…I'm so sorry. I know that will never be enough, so I'll just keep saying it. I'm so, so sorry."

She bit her lower lip, and brushed her just showered wet hair out of her face. "We can't keep doing this."

"I know," I agreed quickly.

"No, I don't think you do. I've never had someone in my life…_stay_, and just when you have me convinced you're going to be different, you leave," she said with a level of anger I wasn't expecting. "This is why I don't get close to people, because…it always comes crashing down and it takes far too long for the world to make sense again - _though in my case, it's never really made sense_."

"I know it hasn't," I said softly. "And I finally understand why…well, part of it…and the other part I'm hoping you'll be able to figure out."

"You're really not making any sense," she said evenly.

"I'm going to tell you everything I know."

"I thought you already did that with the whole immortality thing?" she questioned irritated.

"I did, and that was true then, but I had a revelation…well, more like a memory breakthrough."

"You remember whatever it was you forgot before?"

"Yes."

"So you know why Jane cursed you then?"

"No."

She huffed. "Then what is this about?"

"Come here," I murmured while gently taking her arm in an attempt to lead her to her bed, but she just jerked away.

"No, I'm not going to fuck you again!" she spat.

My stomach twisted as my mind tried to replay an ancient memory, but I refused to let it happen right then; I had to stay focused.

"I'm not trying to sleep with you, I just wanted to sit and talk."

"Talk?" she laughed once humorlessly. "See, that's why I went to your house earlier, but all you wanted to do was have sex, and I was stupid enough to go along with it thinking we could talk later."

"Yeah, and we would have if you stayed," I argued.

"Oh well, excuse me, but it was a little hard to convince myself to stay with someone who jerks me around for two weeks, then vomits after fucking me," she said bitterly.

I shook my head. "No, baby no, that's not what that was about. I got sick because of what I remembered…it was…intense and painful."

"You remembered something intense and painful while you were having sex with me?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes, but it's not what you're thinking; please, just let me explain… I shouldn't have left Quill's the way I did; that was rash and rude, and just…awful, and then these past few weeks were simply inexcusable, but it's taken me this long to truly break through that barrier I've always hidden behind."

"Edward, I don't care what happened at Quill's, or any of it anymore… I just…"

"Bella please," I begged, so she sighed and then nodded before letting me continue. "When you were in talking to Old Quill, I was out talking to Emily…Emily was who we've been looking for; she's not a shaman, but she was exactly the person I needed to talk to. Her information scared the shit out of me, but it wasn't until I was with you again that I realized why."

"Okay?" she asked, impatiently waiting for me to continue.

I took a deep breath. "The thing is, I spent a lot more time with Jane than I previously remembered. It started out as short casual visits, but I found myself making excuses to go see her, and before long I started spending all of my free time at her place….

_~xXx~_

_***Flashback. Illinois, 1814***_

"Jane, what are you doing?" I called to her, scared shitless from the sight of her standing so close to the cliff. "Step back!"

She turned and smiled at me, and then looked back over the great valley below. "Wouldn't it be amazing to fly?" she asked while spreading her arms out as if they were wings. The wind was blowing her hair and dress so strongly, that for a moment I wondered if perhaps she could actually accomplish flight. It absolutely terrified me.

"No, I prefer to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground where they belong!" I told her in a rush, praying to god she'd give up and take my hand so I could pull her back to safety.

She smiled into the wind, and then looked back at me pensively before thankfully taking my hand. "What are you so upset about?" she asked, seemingly sincerely baffled.

I pulled her further from the cliff, and breathed a sigh of relief. "Uh, I don't know, how about the idea of you plummeting to your death."

"I've stood there countless times," she said with a laugh. "Actually, it was my mother who first brought me there when I was a child. If she wasn't concerned about my safety, why should you be?"

I shrugged. "Everyone needs someone to be concerned about them…maybe I'm just that someone for you."

"My mother always said concern is an anchor…it keeps people from truly being free," she argued lightly.

"Well if being free is you jumping off a cliff, then I'll make sure my anchor is made from the strongest iron."

She smiled and a rush of pink devoured her features. "I wasn't going to jump…but, come on, even someone as grounded as you can agree that it would be amazing to fly."

I shook my head in disagreement. "Flight is for the birds, people are meant to walk."

She smiled mischievously. "Maybe we can't fly, but we can certainly run," she said before taking off towards her cottage.

Her sudden departure surprised me, but because I was probably the fastest in town I was able to quickly catch up. It seemed she would never stop running, so I grabbed onto her arm and attempted to halt her, but that move sent us both stumbling to the earth.

Somehow our fall caused us to tangle together on the ground, but unlike what most women would have done, Jane just laughed. "I didn't think you were going to catch me," she said through her merriment.

"I will always be able to catch you," I assured her.

"Promise?" she asked, becoming unexpectedly serious.

"I promise," I replied with conviction.

We stared at each other for an intense moment, and then she rolled away and pushed herself up to a sitting position, before busying herself with picking the wildflowers there. "Do you think…"

"What?" I asked, following her lead and sitting up as well.

"Never mind, it was a stupid thought."

"I doubt that. I don't even think you are capable of stupid thoughts. What were you going to say?" I pressed.

She bit her lower lip anxiously. "Do you think that…maybe the world will ever be different?"

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged. "Someone once told me I was born in the wrong time…that the world isn't ready for me… Do you think that could be true?"

I thought about the town's ridiculous cries of witchcraft, and the way she and her family were basically forced to the outskirts away from everyone and everything, and I sighed. "We can only hope that someday people will be more tolerant to those who are a little different."

"Why aren't you scared of me, Edward?" she asked softly.

"All that witch stuff is just cowardly nonsense," I told her doubtlessly.

"Yeah but…what if it's not?"

I took her face gently in my hands. "Listen to me, if witchcraft does exist, then it is the work of the devil…and there is absolutely nothing dark or evil about you."

"I've seen my mother do some terrifying things," she said with a tear spilling over her cheek.

"It's not real…and even so, you are _not _your mother."

She pulled my hands off her face and held them in her lap. "I wish things were different… I wish I was born in a family that was different with parents who actually wanted me, and maybe then we could have really been friends…maybe even something more…. But I'll never be more than this - some bastard freak, shunned from society, and doomed to live and die alone….Edward, you should really stop coming here. If anyone knew, they'd probably think there was something wrong with you too."

My stomach twisted painfully, because deep down I knew she was right; people would surely shun me if they knew I had befriended her. My parents would be shamed, and probably even ultimately lose their farm because nobody would buy goods from the people whose son befriended a so called witch. It was already becoming difficult with the increased natter about Alice; the only thing saving us thus far was my sister's dedication to the church, but my involvement with Jane would surely end the final bit of integrity we had left. People were too close minded and scared of things they did not understand, and it just made me angry.

"I've tried," I murmured after a minute. "I've tried staying away, but…I can't," I said honestly. "Maybe in time…people will see that you're nothing to fear."

Without explanation, she abruptly got up and walked into her cottage. I didn't know if she wanted me to leave or if I was supposed to follow, but I decided on the latter.

"Jane?" I asked as I stepped into the small darkness of her home.

"My mother and sister have been gone for a long time now…I'm starting to think they might not return at all," she said, without emotion.

"Why didn't you go with them?" I asked.

She lit a candle, and in its dim light I could see her smile. "I guess I felt _anchored_ here by something yet to come."

I smiled back but quickly fell concerned. "But you can't be here alone forever."

She turned and looked out the tiny window across the room. "If it wasn't for your family…would you ever consider leaving here…leaving with me?"

"If it wasn't for my responsibilities with my family…I'd follow you anywhere," I told her sincerely. The sudden intensity of that conversation hit me hard, and I was actually quite shocked by it. I hadn't allowed myself to think of Jane in that way, but as I spoke the words I realized they were the truest words I had ever spoken.

And then her lips were on mine.

I didn't anticipate it; I didn't even see her move, but the feeling completely took my breath away and dissolved all sense or reason within me. I wasn't _that _man; I was good and moral, and would never cross that line with a woman before marriage, but there I was, acting as though there wasn't a line at all.

With Jane, there were no cultural rules or moral rights - the people of that town stripped those away by disallowing her to be part of society. She didn't know, or perhaps didn't care, that what we were doing was wrong, and for the life of me, I couldn't force myself to care either. When I was in her world, nothing else mattered – not my values, not my faith, not even my family.

I never felt more alive before than I did that day with her, _inside her_; it was like a fairytale or a dream I didn't want to wake from, and I had no idea how I'd find the will to go back to reality. I couldn't go on pretending…I could never again turn a deaf ear on the cruel mockery directed towards her. Something had to change.

"I need to go for a while," I whispered while kissing her shoulder tenderly.

"Will you come back?" she asked groggily.

"Always," I said with a kiss to her forehead, before getting dressed and heading towards town.

But being away from her intoxicating presence almost made my mind jumble in a way I couldn't comprehend. _What in god's name did I just do?_

What made perfect sense just minutes before, suddenly seemed wrong and indecent. With every step I took back towards my normalcy, I grew more and more confused. How could I betray my faith the way I had? How could I risk my family's reputation and livelihood by choosing a life with an outcast? We could always leave, but what about my responsibilities to the farm and the promises I made which could now never be fulfilled? If I wasn't good on my word, what was I worth as a man?

I just needed some clarity; some guidance for a future that seemed so certain just a few months prior. What was I feeling for Jane anyway? What was she feeling? Was it even real, or were the townspeople right and she was capable of such unnatural power that I was no longer functioning under my own desires?

Logically I knew I had to speak to Beth; despite what happened with Jane, I could never go through with the betrothal. Beth was an amazing woman, and she'd make an incredible wife for someone, but after spending time with Jane I realized my affections towards Beth, with whom I had grown up with, were more sisterly than romance, and I prayed she would understand and feel the same way.

With all of my most recent emotional discoveries, I was scared - being with Jane would change absolutely everything, and already had - so I decided to go to the one place I had always found solace in the past. Father Cullen was the new to our church, but he had a warmth to him that made me feel like I could confide anything. I felt more at home in that church than I did in my own home, so I knew it was the only place to go at that moment. I needed help; advice on everything that happened and how to move forward. Perhaps I just needed reassurance that I wasn't going to burn in hell for being with Jane…but then again, deep down I knew it wouldn't have made a difference what Father Cullen had to say. I _did _love Jane, and right or wrong, if I couldn't find a way to fit her into my world, I'd have to join her in hers….

The church was more crowded than it should have been on a regular Tuesday afternoon; Emmett and Rose, the couple there for pre-nuptial counseling; Esme, the woman grieving the loss of her child; Jasper, the soldier suffering from seeing so much death in battle, and my sister Alice, trying hard to keep her visions under wraps for the sake of our family. Alice's presence and her daily sacrifice at that church only made me feel that much more guilty over the utter selfishness of my most recent behavior, but even that remorse couldn't make me change my mind – I would find a way to make it all work out, I had to – I didn't even think it was possible to walk away from Jane at that point.

As I sat there waiting for my turn to meet with the priest, my mind kept swaying from my responsibilities to my family, to my incredible times with the most amazing woman on the planet. She had shown me what I was truly missing; everything the world had to offer outside the societal norms, and how truly exquisite life could be if I could just figure out how to make all the pieces fit.

And then it happened… I felt her presence before I knew she was there, but when I turned around I could have never expected the level of rage she was emitting from her eyes - Those eyes which I had spent countless days staring into, the same eyes I felt were as deep as the sky…they would be the eyes that would haunt me for the rest of forever…

_~xXx~_

***Present Day**. **Washington, 2014***

"So…you were in love with Jane?" Bella questioned, snapping me out of my newly discovered memory.

"Very much so," I confirmed.

"But you really still don't know why she cursed you?"

I inhaled deeply. "No."

"Okay….I'm sorry, maybe I'm missing something because I still don't get it. You got weird and decided to ditch me for two weeks…because you remembered you loved a different girl than the one you thought you loved?" she asked confused.

"No…I just need you to understand…I blocked out my true feelings because I had to…because I couldn't function with them. Losing her was like…torture for me; I never knew anything could hurt so badly. I begged for death…and when it didn't come I just became…angry. I guess over the years I buried all my emotions except for the anger and it just festered until it was all I had left…It was all I had left so I hung onto it for so long. I let my family hate her, I hated her, I fooled myself into believing the lie everyone else thought they knew about me…Not even Alice knows the truth, and then I felt guilty about that. I spent two hundred years with these people, and I've kept this from them…"

"If you didn't remember it, then you can't really blame yourself for keeping it from them," Bella said emotionlessly.

"But I can, because I didn't _want_ to remember it. I was a fucking coward back then…I should have stood up for her long before that day…. I should have…I don't know, told everyone to fuck off and then take her away from all of that shit…I should have taken Alice too. I should have told my parents that it was wrong to keep her locked in that church all the time…I should have done a lot of things differently."

"Edward, what does any of this have to do with me?" Bella asked, getting increasingly more frustrated.

"It has everything to do with you. Emily, she told me something I wasn't ready to hear yet, but I needed to hear it in order to accept it and remember the truth…Every curse has repercussions, and Jane's curse was no different. She died a few days later, and then she was reincarnated as her niece. Every twenty years it happens again….Don't you see…that's why Mary and Maggie and Charlotte sketched me…because they were Jane reincarnated, and Bella…so are you."

She stared at me dumbfounded for a moment, and then she huffed angrily. "That is the single most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"It's true…It's why you dreamed of me before we met; it's why we had that strong connection so quickly; it's why you've often felt out of place in your own life."

"Okay, so first you tried convincing me that I'm Beth's descendant, and now I'm actually Jane? Well which is it, because I'm having a hard time keeping these implausible stories straight?"

"You're not related to Beth…Alice followed all the clues and traced your family to our home area, and came to the wrong conclusion."

"I don't have a sister, so I don't have a niece," she said flatly.

"You _do_ have a sister, your mother gave her up for adoption when she was seventeen….Baby, I know this is a lot to take in, but it's all true."

"It's all true?" She laughed humorlessly. "It's true that I'm not really me; that I'm the reincarnation of some horrifying witch that cursed you and your family?_ It's true that I'm going to die soon?_" she asked with angry tears streaming down her face. She was terrified, and I didn't blame her…

"I'm not going to let you die…We're going to figure this out?"

"Why? What's the point, right? I'm going to die, but its fine, I'll just get reborn into another shitty life. Maybe I should contact my long lost sister and convince her to name her baby Jane…At least then I can be who I'm supposed to be."

Seeing her that upset tore my heart to pieces. It was incredibly hard to watch her go through all that anguish, but there was one important part that she seemed to be missing.

"Bella…you are _not_ Jane." She rolled her eyes incredulously, so I explained. "I mean, you are, but not in the way you're thinking. You're not her with a different body; you're so much more than that. You have your own life, your own family, your own way of doing things. Jane was…she was this amazing light, but the truth was she was also lonely, and hollow, and so lost that she didn't know where she was or what she was doing."

"Actually that pretty much sounds exactly like me," she replied bitterly.

"No, you know who you are, Bella, and you know exactly how to navigate through this world. Sure, you do things a little differently, but you're the truest person I've ever encountered. You're not ashamed of anything, and you don't apologize for who you are, and I accredit a lot of that to your father, and even your mother to a degree. Renee was scared, because she had seen too much without possibly being able to understand…but she tried like hell to help you any way she could. And Charlie….Bella, that levelheaded man accepted some unbelievable story, and he's so determined to do whatever it takes to find a way to make you better…. That's what Jane never had…a family, someone to care for her. You're not Jane, Bella - you're the person she wished she was."

Bella was quiet for an extremely long moment as she processed what I was trying to say, but I could feel from the tension radiating off of her that she still wasn't convinced. "Edward…can you leave now?" she asked evenly. "Just go away."

I sighed. "No…I shouldn't have left that day, and I'm not leaving now. We can figure this out Bella, we just need to think…maybe we can go back to Emily's and ask her some more questions…'

"No!" she exploded. "I don't want to ask anyone questions, I don't want anything to do with this! If I'm really going to die in a week, then leave me the hell alone and let me die in peace!"

"Bella," I said, making the mistake of trying to console her again by placing my hand on her arm.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed, but the anger coming off of her protest was so strong that it actually shattered bedroom window behind me.

We both froze in shock, but she was still in denial. "Did someone throw a rock?" she mumbled shakily. "Maybe a bird flew into it."

I shook my head, and then slowly walked over to the window and tried to look through the cracks to see out. "It wasn't a rock or a bird. You are so much more powerful than you realize…If you just try to accept this…maybe…"

"I'm not going to accept anything! If I am who you say I am, then you should run away and never come back. Just leave me alone," she said, letting her anger melt back into fear.

"I'm not going to leave you alone, and I'm done running away. We can fix this together… You remembered me before we met, so other memories must be in there too. If you just calm down and try…"

"Edward, please just leave me alone," she begged with more tears streaming down her face. "I'm so tired of this…I'm tired of everything. I don't want to live in this make-believe world anymore. I just want to wake up and go back to my life where I didn't worry about things…Just please leave me alone."

"I can't…this isn't a fantasy Bella, this is very real and you have to try… It's the only thing that can save us."

She sat heavily on her bed, and then dried her face on her sleeves and raised her shoulders. "I think you and your family will be fine, just like you always have been, and as for me…maybe I don't want to be saved. Maybe dying every twenty years isn't a bad thing. A fresh start, right?"

I shook my head again. "This must be the depression that always happens as you approach your nineteenth birthday. It's what you mom was worried about. You're giving up. You can't give up….If you just hold on…if we can just get you past you birthday, maybe it will finally end."

"Please just go," she repeated.

"No, I'm not leaving. In fact…" I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and called my sister. "I need you and everyone else to come over to Bella's house. Bring whatever you want for the week because we're all staying here."

"What are you doing?" Bella asked irritated.

"Making sure you live to see your twentieth birthday."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"Okay, so what's this about?" Emmett asked as he walked through Bella's front door.

"Yeah, why did I have to pack a week's worth of my beauty products?" Rose asked bitterly.

"_Mission Save Bella_ starts now, right?" Alice said excitedly as she followed them inside.

"I personally think this is a wonderful idea," Esme said supportively as she came in carrying groceries.

"You could really be onto something," Carlisle agreed as he entered carrying what looked like linens and bedding.

"What's all that for?" I asked him.

Carlisle shrugged and gestured to his wife.

"Oh there are a lot of us, and I doubt Bella and her father have enough. Besides, I don't want to impose."

"We probably should have done this little stakeout at our place," Jasper suggested.

"No, Bella's not exactly for this, so I would have had to force her there and keep her prisoner…it just wouldn't have been a good thing," I explained. "Plus, I think it's important for her to be home…you know, where she feels the most comforted and whatnot….She needs to remember the reasons why she'd actually want to stay in this life."

"Uh, I'm right here!" Bella said bitterly. "Maybe you can stop talking about me like I'm somewhere else."

"I know you're here," I told her softly. "I was just trying to explain it to them."

She rolled her eyes and huffed irritated. "This is ridiculous. We don't have enough beds here for everyone."

"We'll just sleep on the floor or wherever we find space," Esme said unconcerned. "We've had much worse conditions, trust me. Remember when we were in Brazil?" she asked Carlisle with a bittersweet laugh.

"Oh, the bugs there," Rose added full of disgust.

"Whoa, what is going on in here?" Charlie asked in shock as he came home and saw us all there.

"It seems we have houseguests," Bella told him unenthusiastically.

Once I explained things to him, Charlie was understandably upset and terrified by the very real possibility that Bella's life could be almost over, but he was also beyond grateful we were all there. "So…y'all going to use your immortality to make sure nothing happens to her, right?" he asked worriedly. "Like, if there's some natural disaster you'll shield her with your life, or if she gets some mystical desire to off herself you'll do everything possible to stop her?"

"I'm not going to kill myself!" Bella spat.

"I'm not saying you would, but maybe, I don't know, this curse makes you lose your mind at the end or something," Charlie tried clarifying. "Nobody really knows…well, I guess except Emily…I'm going to try to call her again."

"Hold on," Emmett stopped him. "If Emily is some seer - _keeper of everything_ -person, then she would know we want to talk to her, and she'd call us."

The room fell silent for a minute as we stared at the phone…and then it rang. We all jumped at the sound, and Charlie was so anxious that he actually struggled by dropping it a couple times before finally answering it. "Hello Emily?" he asked eagerly, but then his face fell. "No, I don't want to subscribe to the Seattle Times," he grumbled before hanging up.

"Perhaps proving herself isn't what Emily is about," Carlisle offered. "Everything I read about Seers is that they choose when to give their information based on things people don't usually understand. We just need to have faith."

"Oh honey, I love your faith in things," Esme cooed at him before kissing his cheek.

"Yeah, but Emily isn't God," Rosalie argued. "She told Edward all that other crap, why would she clam up now?"

"Maybe because I'm not meant to survive this," Bella said blankly.

"No, I think it's because we're supposed to figure it out for ourselves," I stated. "I just need to figure it out."

"Edward, please just let happen whatever is supposed to happen," Bella asked me brokenly. "There's no use fighting it, it's just a waste of time. I'd rather…be out, doing things with the days I have left, not hanging around and hoping I live to see my next birthday."

"You've spent your whole life _'doing things'_," I argued. "You've probably done more in your eighteen years than we have in over two hundred. It's only a week, after that we'll go out and do anything you want."

"What difference does it make if I die or not?" she cried out in frustration. "It's not like I'll stay dead. How is it any different than what you guys do?"

"Because we're still _us_ when we wake back up," Alice chimed in. "You'll be someone else entirely, and you won't remember any of this or any of us. Plus, do you really want to go through potty training again? Puberty?"

"We can find her and raise her ourselves," Rose suggested.

"Yeah, because kidnapping an infant would work well with our need for inconspicuousness," Jasper said sarcastically.

"I agree with Jasper," Carlisle said. "In today's modern world, a crime of that magnitude wouldn't bode over well. And the technology for finding people is just getting better with every passing decade."

"We could take her to some remote place…an island or something," Rose disputed.

"No!" I snapped at her. "We're not giving up on Bella. You're talking about Charlie's daughter here," I said while pointing at the terrified man beside me. "Do you think he gives a shit that she's lived before, and she could live again? She's his daughter, _Bella_, all of her, not just what's inside."

"I think they're just talking about worst case scenario," Alice said, trying to calm me.

"Yeah, and what are you so worried about, anyway?" Rose asked me sharply. "I mean, I understand that you love who she is now, but just because she's reborn doesn't mean she'll end up a terrible witch like she was originally. It's all about how someone is raised…and we'll make sure she's raised right, just like Charlie has done."

"Hey, Charlie can come with us and raise her again," Emmett said with a light chuckle.

I shook my head. "You guys don't get it. There's a reason why we crossed paths with Bella, and not the others before her. _This_ is who she was always meant to be…anyone else coming after would just be…a shadow."

"Well, if this is truly who she was always meant to be, then…we should be able to end the curse," Carlisle said gently.

I took a deep breath and tried to control my emotions. Exploding at my family wasn't going to help anything, not even Rose's dumbass remarks were worth me losing my composure.

"Look, I haven't told you guys the truth about Jane," I said uneasily. As far as they knew, I loved Bella but still hated Jane; I needed to tell them the truth, after two hundred years together they deserved that. "I…didn't just befriend Jane for Alice's sake…I was in love with her."

"You were in love with Jane?" my sister asked shocked. "But what about Beth?"

I shrugged. "I cared about her, but…I just didn't feel the way I should have for her. Even if we were never cursed, I wouldn't have married her."

"So…what was it like to fuck a witch?" Emmett asked with a disturbing grin. "No offense," he said quickly to Bella."

"I never said I had sex with her," I said irritated and embarrassed by the uncouth topic, particularly in front of Charlie.

"You didn't have to say it," Emmett said, refusing to give it up. "Come on, I always knew you weren't a two century old virgin… Must have been pretty good for you to hold out until she came back into your life, huh? What's that song about the black magic woman?" he asked with an eager grin.

I shook my head at him and decided to ignore him altogether. "Look, I just wanted to apologize for leading you guys on for all these years. I let you hate her, and I'll regret that for the rest of my days."

"We all have secrets, Edward," Carlisle tried assuring me. "Especially ones we don't realize we've kept."

"I know secrets are normal, but it just…it feels so wrong that there should be anything we've kept from each other all this time," I told him.

Carlisle sighed. "Esme and I…" He looked to his wife, as if he was searching for permission about something; when she nodded, he continued. "We had a relationship before the curse."

"Whaaa!" Emmett shouted, voicing all of our utter astonishment. "Father Cullen sinned against the cloth? No way."

Carlisle nodded. "I hadn't requested a replacement at the church yet, but yes…I fully planned on renouncing my position there."

"Wait a minute, was her kid yours?" Rose asked him.

"No, we became close through our counseling sessions over that loss," Carlisle explained.

"My husband died in the war, and with my child succumbing to illness, I just couldn't take it…. Carlisle was the only thing that got me through," Esme added.

"Wow, well I suddenly feel dirty," Emmett said theatrically.

"Emmett and I weren't at the church to attend counseling for our upcoming wedding," Rose said unexpectedly. "We were there to beg Father Cullen to help us convince our parents not to force us into marriage."

"Really?" Alice asked surprised.

"We hated each other," Emmett confirmed. "For a long time actually."

"God, yes. I think I was the most angry about the curse because it meant I'd be stuck with _him_ forever," Rose said with a smile.

"Wow…well, when did your feelings change?" I asked, knowing how passionate they were about each other currently.

"About a decade ago," Emmett deadpanned, so Rose hit him hard on the shoulder. "What? You were a real bitch for a hundred and ninety years….Actually, you've kind of became a bitch again lately as well."

"Uh oh, someone's not getting laid for a while," I teased him.

"I killed a boy," Jasper said, sucking out all of the humor of the moment. "In the war… My commanding officer didn't care that he couldn't have been over fourteen….He demanded that I kill him…and I did. There's not a day that goes by when I don't see his face."

Alice cuddled up to him and tried to console him. "You did what you had to do," she whispered.

"It doesn't matter anymore since there's nothing I can do about it, but…living in regret is the worst fate imaginable," Jasper told me intensely.

"I know," I replied.

"Everyone has secrets," Carlisle repeated. "Sometimes they fester and rot inside of us, but sometimes a little cleansing can finally make us heal."

"Oh my god!" Alice shouted abruptly. "I have a secret too…but not one I meant to keep…I didn't even know it was important, but I think it is."

"What is it?" I asked warily.

"That day….the day we were cursed….before you came into the church, Beth was there."

"Beth was there?" I asked surprised but unsure why Alice thought it was important.

"She was looking for you, Edward. She asked me where you were, and….I may have said you were with Jane. I mean, I didn't know you were there for sure because I thought you were done spending time with her, but…if you were with her that day…"

"Having sex," Emmett added.

"Then maybe she went to Jane's place and saw you guys together, or something," Alice continued. "You came about twenty minutes after Beth left to go find you…and if you never saw her, then maybe she waited until you left and talked to Jane…Oh, what if she said something to her that upset her…Jane appeared about ten or fifteen minutes after you got there, so…Ohhh, I bet something happened between them."

"Beth was kind of a bitch," Rosalie said out of nowhere.

"What?" I asked, still reeling from Alice's bit of information.

"Well, she was," Rose said with a shrug. "I went to school with her. She was always talking about you like she owned you. I remember Tia once saying she thought you were cute, and Beth practically bit her head off."

"She didn't care about the goat…she just wanted it out of the mud because it was hers," I said absently as I remembered the story I had told to Bella about Beth.

"So you really think Beth had something to do with Jane's anger that day?" Esme asked.

"She was a very determined girl...which was pretty odd for that time," Carlisle said pensively. "She had already come to me about wedding plans."

"She did?" I asked flabbergasted. "We never had anything official."

"Well, she wasn't going to let that stop her," Carlisle told me. "I even asked her where you were, and she just brushed me off and said she could handle everything without you."

"She would have made your life hell," Emmett said with a snicker. "You should be kissing Bella's feet for saving you from that one."

"How could I have not realized this sooner?" I asked with a new wave of guilt. All along we had hated the wrong person, and it made me absolutely disgusted with myself.

"I wonder what she said to her," Alice mused.

"Had to have been pretty bad for Jane to get all psycho witch on us," Rose suggested.

"God, if I would have just…put Beth in her place long before then…If I would have stood up for Jane…"

"Stop beating yourself up for something you can't change," Carlisle told me. "Perhaps this is the way it was supposed to happen."

"Jane wasn't…she wasn't a whole person," I said, still trying to make everyone understand. "She knew she didn't belong there. She even told me she never felt right. She wished she was born in a different time, in a different family…Jane was…she was like the child version…she wasn't ready for the world. Bella is who she was always supposed to become. I truly believe that."

"That's what I mean," Carlisle tried calming me again. "Maybe in a way Jane did us a favor, herself included. Look at what we've all become. It's taken a long time, but if we stayed in the lives we were living, Esme and I probably would have been shunned for being together after I disavowed… Alice would have remained an outcast, maybe she and Jasper would have never found their way to each other…Emmett and Rose would have gone their separate ways as well… and what kind of life could you and Jane have had?"

"Not a very good one," I said in understanding.

"Maybe she was right, the world wasn't ready…but in the here and now, we can all be whoever we want to be," Carlisle said with conviction, and looked at Bella to emphasize his point.

"I don't want to die," Bella said softly.

"Then don't," Carlisle replied intensely.

"Do you really think it's her choice?" Charlie asked hopeful.

"Emily said she created the curse, so only she can take it away," Carlisle reminded him.

"But I don't know how," Bella said with tears rolling down her face.

"Maybe it's already lifted," Alice said excitedly. "I mean, how would we know, right?" She ran into the other room, and then quickly came back with Charlie's gun and a plastic bag.

"Oh, no you don't!" I said while jumping up and taking them from her. "If the curse was lifted then this would kill you…like really dead this time."

"I'll take them," Charlie said while relieving me of his weapon. "Should I lock up all the garbage bags too?" he asked with a mix of humor and seriousness.

"Nobody is going to kill themselves, right Alice?" Carlisle said sternly.

"Yeah, I wasn't thinking, sorry," Alice replied sheepishly.

"_Nobody_ is going to kill themselves, right?" Carlisle repeated while looking at Bella this time.

Bella huffed. "I have absolutely no desire to leave this life…I was being stupid before."

"I think we all should just stay on course with the plan," Esme proposed. "If we make it through Bella's birthday, then we should be in the clear and we can finally start living."

"Maybe we can have a baby!" Rose said excitedly.

"I want to go to fashion school," Alice chimed in.

"I think I'd like to study to become a psychologist specializing in war vet's PTSD," Jasper said, mostly to himself.

"I wanna be a cop," Emmett said unexpectedly. "What could be better than driving fast cars and wrestling down bad guys?"

"I really just want to watch everyone grow and change," Esme said wistfully, but then she smiled. "Maybe opening up a flower shop would be fun."

"I always wanted to be a doctor," Carlisle said with a grin. "But since it may be a little late to start a medical degree, I think I'd like to do something with kids…maybe a teacher. What about you Edward, what do you want to do?"

I reflexively looked at Bella, and despite her fears and short-lived sullen attitude, she smiled at me. "I really don't care what I do or where I go…as long as I'm with Bella."

"We should go to college," Bella said, surprising both Charlie and me.

"You want to go to college?" Charlie questioned. "I never thought I'd hear that from you."

She shrugged. "I couldn't imagine making such a commitment before…living in the moment doesn't allow long term plans, but…maybe I don't have to feel like that anymore." She looked up at me again. "We could get a little apartment close to campus."

I smiled. "That, we could definitely do."

Like Carlisle had said, there was probably no way we'd be able to know if the curse was lifted, but getting Bella through her birthday would be an incredible sign. As terrified as we all were for the coming week, there was almost a tangible excitement at the same time. Could the two hundredth anniversary of the curse finally mark its end? All I knew for sure was that I would never be able to survive the loss of Bella. The pain I felt for Jane would pale in comparison; there were no words I could use to properly describe what I already felt from the very thought of losing her. There would be no retreating to the inner depths of my mind like I did before, because the truth was, there was no place inside me that wasn't already completely and irrevocably consumed with her. With no place to go, and nowhere to hide, I would simply cease to exist without her. Finally all the pieces fit, and all I had to do was make sure they were glued together permanently….


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Over the next few days, the small crowded Swan house was actually full of fun and relaxing excitement. Bella and her father camped out in the living room with the rest of us, and we spent the entire time laughing, telling stories, playing ridiculous childish board games, and watching old movies together on the flat screen. It was amazing to me how distant my family had become in the past two centuries, because we were rarely apart, but being cramped together that closely without the ability to escape to our own areas of interest forced us to a whole new level of bonding and camaraderie, which now included Bella and Charlie in our cohesive family unit. Looking back on our years together, I think we'd all say that those were some of our best days together.

However, as Bella's birthday drew closer, the atmosphere in the room dramatically declined. There would be long periods of silence where everyone was lost in their own thoughts and concerns, but despite dealing with my own terrified anxieties, I knew we couldn't allow the darkness to overtake us…

"Come on, let's go out and do something," I told Bella on the eve of her birthday.

She narrowed her eyes with playful suspicion. "I thought you wanted us to stay here?"

"Yeah well, all these nerves around here aren't helping the situation," I told her with a smirk.

"But what about…"

"Your birthday is tomorrow, which means we should be fine today," I tried assuring both of us.

She smiled. "Okay, let's go."

Charlie was snoring on the couch, and everyone else was talking quietly amongst themselves, or sitting silently, or eating in the kitchen, so it wasn't too difficult to sneak out without creating a scene, but we still had to tell someone so I settled on the person who would be the most understanding. "We're going out for a bit. Be back soon," I told Carlisle discreetly.

"You sure that's a good idea?" he asked concerned.

"Yeah, it's not her birthday so it should be fine."

"Okay," he said uneasily before giving me his car keys. "Be careful."

I nodded. "Thanks."

"So where are we going?" Bella asked excitedly as I drove to my intended location.

"Maybe we're just going for a drive," I replied with faux innocence.

"You know, I have to say, I'm impressed," she said unexpectedly.

"Why?" I asked with a laugh.

"I just…never thought you'd bust me out of the house before tomorrow. I mean, you are the one that made everyone stay there in the first place."

"Yes, and I'm still glad they did, and they'll still be there tomorrow to help just in case anything goes wrong, but…I don't know, I just think it's important to clear our heads for a while. Everyone is so understandably stressed that it's hard to think of anything else…"

"And that's a bad thing because?" she asked with a grin.

"Because life shouldn't be about stress. We need to keep reminding ourselves what we're fighting for."

"Isn't that what I said to you at the beginning of the week?" she laughed.

"I think that time with everyone was a good thing."

"It's actually been a lot of fun," she agreed.

"Yeah, but now that tomorrow is the big day, I just wanted to have a little time alone with you."

I pulled off the main street and went up the narrow dirt road she had taken me on several weeks prior. I knew it was one of her most favorite places, and for whatever reason I really thought it was important that she be reminded of all the things she loved the most about her current life.

"Oh I get it, you just wanted some alone time so you could get laid," Bella said playfully as I parked the car in the exact location she had parked us in to watch the sunrise the last time we were there, except this time I had the car facing the opposite direction so we could watch the sunset instead.

I laughed once. "Actually, I can honestly say I never even considered that."

"Oh," she said with mock disappointment. "Well maybe_ I _just wanted some alone time with you so I could get laid."

I laughed again. "Well, now that you mention it…"

I didn't have to ask her twice; in one swift move she hiked her leg over my lap and straddled me before planting her lips to mine. As she kissed me she began grinding her pelvis erotically, and after a week of abstinence, that little bit of contact was almost enough to push me over the edge.

"Babe," I grunted into her kiss as her movements became rougher.

"This isn't working," she said, short of breath. "The steering wheel is jamming in my back. Let's go outside." She didn't even give me a moment to comprehend what she was saying before she opened the door and forced us both out, and a few seconds later we were stripping right there on the wild grass besides the car.

Bella decided she wanted full control, and at a time like that I was definitely more than willing to be the submissive one. I loved seeing that assertive side of her, and it only reaffirmed my belief that she was truly strong enough to beat whatever the future had in store for us.

She sunk down on me, and when she began moving she literally took my breath away. I had never seen anything more beautiful than Bella was right then. The pain, the pleasure, the love, all written so clearly on her features, and I wished for nothing more than to freeze that moment for all eternity. It was utter perfection.

"You know, I think if I could take you with me into immortality, it would actually be amazing," I told her as we laid wrapped up together in the incredible afterglow while watching the sun set before us.

"But what if the world imploded…what would happen to us if we couldn't die?" she joked.

"I think the world ending would kill even the immortal."

"Okay, well forget the world ending, what about a nuclear holocaust? That would suck to live through."

I chuckled. "I don't know; seeing all kinds of mutated species might be kind of fun."

"You'd get sick of me eventually," she said with a grin.

"Not possible," I assured her.

"Well, if you'd rather me make myself immortal than make you mortal, maybe we should start working on that," she said casually.

"I don't think I'd _rather_ stay immortal, but…if I had to, and I had you, it would be amazing," I clarified. "What I'd rather do is marry you, have two point five kids, then grow old as we watch them grow up, and then die of old age within minutes of each other and spend the rest of eternity in heaven together."

She nodded. "That could work too. Let's do that."

I laughed again. "Yes, let's do that."

There were a few beats of silence before she looked up at me pensively. "Would you really want to marry me? I mean, if I don't die tomorrow and the curse is gone, and all?"

"Of course I want to marry you," I said without hesitation.

"You know, we really haven't known each other very long…and I don't believe in long term commitments like marriage," she joked.

"Yeah, but you'll change your mind," I replied unconcerned. "It's only fear you're running from, and after tomorrow that fear is going to be gone. Just watch and see."

"I don't fear anything with you," she said, suddenly serious.

I brushed the hair out of her face and caressed her cheek. "That's because together, we can do anything."

"I think so too."

"I _know_ so," I said with certainty.

We kissed tenderly, and both whispered "I love you", before relaxing into each other to watch the remainder of the sky colors fade to black.

Just for a moment, we both completely let our guards down and allowed ourselves to be serenely happy, but a moment was all it took to change everything…or perhaps change nothing at all, depending on how you looked at it.

"Shit, Bella wake up!" I said in a panic.

I didn't remember falling asleep, I didn't even feel myself close my eyes, but it seemed like a moment ago we were watching the sun set, and now it was morning…the morning of Bella's nineteenth birthday.

"Bella!" I said with a slight shake. Scared shitless, I felt her for a pulse and signs of breathing, but then thankfully she stirred before finally opening her eyes. "Thank god," I said relieved.

"What's going on?" she asked groggily as she looked around trying to remember where we were and why I was freaking out. "It's my birthday today, isn't it?"

"Yeah, we gotta get you home now," I said in a rush as I quickly got dressed and proceeded to help her get her own clothes on.

"I think I remember how to dress myself," she said with a slight giggle.

"Bella, this isn't funny. I should have never let this happen."

She sighed. "Edward, it's my birthday, and I still don't have some mystical desire to kill myself. I think we're in the clear."

"Not all of your lives ended in suicide," I argued. "Just the last two, the others were all random; accidents, illnesses, I think there was even a murder."

She rolled her eyes. "Well maybe we should stay here then. I mean, I'd hate to go back and get hit by a stray bullet from some drive by or a convenience store hold up gone wrong."

"We can't hide from this; the curse will find us no matter where we go. If we stay here, there will probably be a landslide or a bear attack," I argued.

She stared at me for a moment, and then she erupted into laughter. "A bear attack?"

"Yes, this is the wilderness, people have been mauled by bears in the wilderness," I said flatly.

"Maybe I'll be bit by some rabid bat," she joked.

"It's possible," I said seriously.

"Yeah, it's possible, but it's also more probable that the curse has already been lifted, and if it hasn't then like you just said, there's no stopping it anyway regardless of where we are, so just calm down and let's go back to the house."

I took a deep breath and then nodded. "You're right, it's probably lifted, but we should call your dad and the others to let them know you're fine; I'm sure they're probably freaking out by now."

"Oh, I don't have my cell phone," she said sheepishly.

"I'll get mine, it's in the car," I said before hopping up and hurrying to the car. I found my phone easy enough, but then we ran into our first obstacle. "It's dead," I said in shock.

"How is it dead?" Bella asked, way too amused by the situation.

"It's the curse…it's starting," I said absently.

Bella huffed. "A dead cell battery is not the result of a curse. You probably just forgot to charge it. Do you have a car charger?" she asked as she looked in the glove department. "Here we go. I figured Carlisle would always be prepared."

"Will it even fit my phone?" I asked anxiously.

"It should, it's a common universal portal. Here….See, it fits fine," she said pleased, but then her face dropped. "Why isn't it charging?"

"Does the car have to be on?" I asked clueless.

"It should run off the car battery whether it's on or not. Just turn the car on anyway and see if it helps," she suggested.

I got into the driver's seat, and put the key into the ignition and then turned it, but nothing happened. "What the hell?" I tried turning it again, and still nothing. "It's dead," I said, starting to panic again. "The car is fucking dead! Shit…_No!_" I shouted in terrified anger. "This can't be happening. No phone, and now the car won't work? This is not going to happen. I won't let it," I said with a new wave of determination as I jumped out of the car and popped the hood, trying to find a fix to the problem.

I checked just about every inch of that engine trying to figure out something, but it all seemed fine. I just didn't understand it….except it did make perfect sense - It was definitely the curse. How could it not be?

And then it all came crashing down…

"Edward?" Bella said softly, abruptly pulling my attention away from the worthless car.

"What is it?" I asked, already knowing from the tone of her voice that something was very wrong.

"I don't feel so well," she said weakly before practically falling to her knees.

"Bella!" I cried as I rushed to catch her. "It's okay baby, just sit here. Tell me exactly what's wrong."

"My head….I don't know, I'm dizzy, and…it hurts so badly."

My heart twisted excruciatingly as I noticed dark red blood dripping from her nose. "Bella," I said no louder than a whisper as every fiber of my being understood what was happening. Somehow, some way, Bella was dying...


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Headache, dizziness, blood coming from the nose; those symptoms could mean a number of horrifying things, but the physical diagnosis was inconsequential because I knew the real cause of Bella's sudden illness…was Bella.

"Baby, you have to listen to me!" I told her intensely, demanding her to focus and keep her eyes on mine. "You have to stop this."

"I c-c-can't," she said terrified.

"Yes, you can. You have to. You're the only one who can."

A tear spilled over her cheek. "I don't know how…I just feel so…dizzy."

"Bella, fight it!"

"How?" she cried.

"You remembered me before we met. Search your mind. Search your soul. You are the smartest, strongest person I've ever known. You can do absolutely anything, if you just _try_."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to be searching for."

"Try," I said sternly.

"I am trying! You…you said Jane didn't know…she didn't mean to do it…if she didn't know, how…how could I ever begin to know?" she asked brokenly. "I'm just so dizzy….It hurts so badly."

I sunk to the ground beside her, and pulled her into me so I could hold her securely to my chest. I was at a complete loss. I wanted to be angry, that was the emotion I had always escaped to in the past, but as much as I tried, there was just no anger left inside of me. Jane had been the undeserving victim of my anger for too long, and I couldn't do that again, not to Bella, she needed me to stay strong…she needed my unconditionally unyielding love…

"Bella," I whispered softly before looking down at her in my arms. She looked back up at me, but her shallow breaths and glossed over stare meant she only had moments left…moments I refused to waste. "I love you….I always have… no one but you - don't leave here thinking anything less, okay? Let go of everything else, just remember the good. Remember…jumping on beds, and cliff diving, and food fights…Think about this place, Bella….think about the sunset, think about everything that made you _you_. Let go of everything else."

One more tear escaped her eyes before they went completely blank and her breathing stopped. I sat there holding her for a moment, just completely numb from the petrifying reality of what just happened.

Bella was gone.

I just didn't understand it. How was it even possible? Bella couldn't just be gone. I knew it was what had been predicted, but the truth was that I never really allowed myself to believe it would actually happen. I couldn't accept it, and I refused to.

"Bella, no!" I screamed out. "Please, please, please come back," I begged her desperately. "Baby please, don't leave me."

I continued to plead her return while holding her tightly and unconsciously rocking her back and forth, and all the while I was crying harder than I ever cried in my existence. I just felt so helpless, and I didn't know what else to do.

"Edward!" I vaguely heard someone call from somewhere in the distance, but I didn't turn to look at its source because I just didn't care. Bella was gone, and I wanted to be gone with her.

"Edward what happened?" I was asked. I would have continued to ignore the person, but when her small hand invaded my hell by caressing Bella's lifeless cheek, I reflexively looked up into my sister's eyes.

"I don't know…she's just…gone," I somehow choked out.

There were several low rumbling sounds that, if I was in a better mental state, I would have recognized as being cars pulling up behind us, but I just didn't care enough to even think about it.

"Bella!" I heard a man call, and I knew right away Charlie was there. "Oh god no!" he screamed.

"Oh shit," I heard Emmett say from somewhere else, and that was when I realized everyone was there. I had no idea how they found us, but I was grateful; as agonizing as it was to even breathe in that moment, deep down, under all that grief, it felt right to have all of our family together right then.

"I need to get her to the hospital," Charlie said, suddenly snapping me out of my numbing daze.

"Charlie, I'm so sorry," Esme's voice carried.

"No! To hell with that! She's going to be fine. I'm taking her to the hospital," Charlie snapped, refusing to give up. "Now move out of the way," he told me.

"I can't," I somehow managed to say.

"Let her go so I can take her to help!" Charlie shouted in my face.

"No," I repeated.

"Edward, she's gone, son; her father needs a chance to say goodbye," Carlisle told me gently, trying to convince me to give her to Charlie.

"I'm not letting her go!" I said forcefully.

"It's not your choice!" Charlie hissed. "I'm taking her to the hospital, and there's no way in hell you're going to stop me!"

When I still didn't move, he knelt down and pulled her into his arms against my will, which basically felt like he was ripping my heart out of my chest. "Okay, please just…wait!" I said in a panic. Charlie refused to give her back to me, so I just took her face in my hands and kissed her one last time on the forehead. "Bella, I'm so sorry I couldn't save you," I told her. "I'm so, so sorry. I love you so much."

"She's going to be fine," Charlie insisted, before jerking her away from me.

The moment my contact with her skin broke, something happened - There was a bright flash, followed by what almost felt like a sonic pulse wave from a nuclear bomb. The force of it hit my chest and sent me flying backwards through the air in slow motion, but when my body finally hit the ground, my life started flashing before my eyes in reverse... From Bella dying in my arms, to falling in love with her, to meeting her for the first time in my house, and everything in between, but I also saw my empty two hundred years before her, and the vision finally came to an end in that little white church on top of the hill, except I still didn't wake up.

I looked around the church with wide eyes, and as much as I tried to see past the vision to the real world, I simply couldn't escape it.

I had to have been dreaming, except I never experienced a dream that felt so real. The cool dryness, the smell of fresh paint, the feeling of the warm breeze rushing in through the back open door, the sound of shocked gasps echoing through the great room….

Everyone was right where they should have been, just like every other time I dreamed of that day before – Carlisle up at the podium, Esme in the front pew, Emmett and Rosalie towards the left, Alice a few rows in front of me, and Jasper off to the far right – everything was just as it always was, except it wasn't the same; the looks on their faces all reflected my own befuddlement.

And then I felt her as clear as the day it happened.

Jane was there.

I turned slowly to face her, but that dark aggressive look in her eyes that had haunted me for so long was completely gone, and all that was left was shocked perplexity.

I had no idea what was happening, it felt so real, but how could that be possible? The one thing I knew for certain however, was that I couldn't remain idle.

I stood and slowly walked over to Jane, and then ever so carefully put my hands on her shoulders. "Jane?" I said quietly. She looked up at me and her confusion only doubled, but I immediately knew why. "Bella?" I whispered. They may have been of the same soul, but I'd know the difference anywhere, regardless of the body she was in.

"Where are we?" she asked quietly.

"Uh… church," I said, still unsure myself.

She continued to look around baffled, and then she seemed to make eye contact with each of the Cullens there, before looking back at me. "Holy shit, this is _the_ church, isn't it?" she said with way more enthusiasm than I was expecting.

"I'm…not exactly sure what's happening here," I said honestly.

"I'll tell you what's happening," Alice said excitedly. "Bella broke the curse and brought us back to the beginning."

"I...I…I didn't mean to," Bella-Jane said to me quickly. "I don't know what happened…I was dizzy, and you kept telling me you loved me, but then everything went dark and I felt like I was leaving you, but I didn't want to leave you… Then it was light again, and we were all here."

"But why couldn't you leave us in 2014?" Emmett whined. "They don't even have cars here."

"I think this is just the way it works," Carlisle said gently. "When a curse is broken, it goes back to the way it was."

"It makes sense," Esme agreed.

"Yeah, but it's not the way it was," Rose disputed. "We all remember everything, and now Jane is Bella…You _are_ Bella, right?" she asked, suddenly unsure. "I mean, you look like Jane, but you sound like Bella."

"Um…I'm me…I think," Bella replied. "Wait, so I really look like Jane?" she asked surprised before spinning around and trying to see her reflection in the church window. "Whoa, that's…different."

"What do you remember?" Jasper asked her. "I mean, besides what you already said about being dizzy and all that."

"Everything about me," she replied automatically, and then she thought about it for a minute. "Hold on… I think I remember this place too…I think I remember Jane's life, but…it's almost like remembering a movie I haven't seen in a while. It's a little fuzzy, and it's like I watched everything happen instead of it happening _to_ me."

"Do you remember any of your other lives?" Alice asked curiously.

Bella's face went blank as she thought about it, and then she shrugged. "A little…Again, it's like remembering old movies…all of them so different, and yet all so dark. My life as me, _Bella_, is the most clear, and they're the only memories that feel like mine. It's really freaking weird," she said lightly.

"So…what do we do now?" Esme asked, which made us all look around at each other, hoping someone had an answer.

"I suppose we just try to go back to our lives," Carlisle said with forced enthusiasm.

"This is going to suck," Emmett grumbled as he got up and walked past us out the door.

"And we don't even have the luxury of killing ourselves for relief, do we?" Rose asked as she followed Em out. She didn't wait for the answer, because none of us really needed one. The curse had been broken and we weren't dreaming; we were back in the mortal lives we were always meant to live.

"This really is going to suck," Alice said as she plopped back into the pew which was basically her home away from home back then.

"No it won't," Jasper contradicted. "We won't let it," he told her with a wink and an outstretched hand.

Alice smiled widely at him. "You sure you want to be seen with a town loon like me?"

"Everyone in this town can go fuck themselves for all I care," Jasper replied with a grin. "You know, I do believe I have my own house here."

"Let's get out of here," Alice said eagerly, and they both practically skipped out of the church together.

"I suppose I'll close the church early so I can go about getting a replacement," Carlisle said with a sigh.

"I'd like to go put flowers on my son's grave," Esme said quietly. "Will you come with me?"

"Of course," Carlisle assured her before turning to look at me. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Uh…yeah, of course," I said unconvincingly. The truth was, I was still in a bit of shock. The entire thing was mind boggling, and I wasn't sure how to feel or what to do.

"We'll figure it out," Bella told Carlisle softly.

"You know where to find us if you need anything," Carlisle said before taking Esme's hand and exiting the church.

When we were alone, Bella sighed and then looked out over the church's porch at the town below the hill. "This is so weird."

"Yeah," I agreed. "I guess we should…go too."

Bella-Jane and I walked blankly through the outskirts of town, and somehow found our way back to Jane's cottage, but being there again was so surreal that I could do nothing except stand in the doorframe and stare at the place. Bella stared too, but only for a minute before looking around and actually giggling at certain things as if she couldn't believe she was seeing them in life. "I feel like I just walked onto a movie set," she said excitedly, but when she picked up a hand mirror and saw Jane's reflection staring back at her, her mood drastically dropped. "This is horrible, isn't it?"

Her words, as sad as they were, knocked me out of my sour mood and reminded me just how lucky I actually was. "Are you kidding? You're alive, so nothing else matters," I said before finally wrapping my arms around her and holding her securely. "I thought I lost you forever."

She held me back, but laughed humorlessly. "You would have never lost me forever, you would have had to just find me as a baby," she said, trying to sound light but letting her sorrow break through ever so slightly. Then she took a deep breath and pulled away. "Edward…I can't even begin to express how sorry I am about all of this. I swear, I don't know what happened. I never meant to curse anyone."

I grabbed her arm gently, and then pulled her over to the incredibly hard bed so we could sit together. "I really think you did us all a favor," I said honestly.

"It's not a favor if you all just end up right where you started," she disagreed.

"We may be back at the beginning, but we're all better people for it. We all found where we truly belong, and that has nothing to do with a specific time or location. And, most of all, thanks to that curse, I have _you_."

"You had Jane before….which is basically me," she argued.

"No, you're so much more than she could have ever been without you," I said doubtlessly.

"Well, I do have better parents," she said with a bittersweet tone. "Who I'm never going to see again."

"You'll see them again…eventually."

"How do you know?" she asked hopefully. "They're technically not even born yet, and won't be until long after I'm dead."

"I don't know how, and I certainly don't know when, but I do know you are capable of anything, and if you really want to see them again, you will."

She reached up and caressed my face. "Thank you for finding me Edward. I would have been lost without you."

I smiled and shook my head. "You found me, remember? If it weren't for you I would have never left the house. You came when you were ready, which is exactly what will happen with your parents."

"I hope so….but as for now, we have to do something about this," she said with a smirk as she held up a lock of her golden hair. "Every time I get a glance of this in my peripheral vision, I lose my train of thought. It's way too distracting."

I chuckled. "I don't think they have hair dye yet."

"No, but I may have something here," she said pensively while getting up and staring at the cabinet against the far wall. "Jane was terrified of all that magic stuff, but as a child she did remember seeing her mother do something that could be useful," she said before opening the cabinet and pulling out what looked like an old leather bound book.

"What's that?" I asked curiously.

"Her mother's book of spells," Bella said with wiggling brows.

"Uh…I don't think that's a good idea," I said nervously.

"Hey, I thought you trusted me? I'm hurt," she said playfully.

"I do trust you, it's magic I don't trust," I clarified.

"You also said the curse was actually a good thing, so be quiet and let me do this." She opened the book and started flipping through pages before settling on one in particular. "I think this is it."

"What is it?" I asked warily.

"Jane's mother used this spell when she wanted to hide her identity."

"Uh…okay, but every spell has its consequence," I reminded her, still clueless as to what she was trying to do.

"The bigger the curse, the bigger the consequence. This is a small spell, I'll be fine," she said unconcerned.

"So now you're an expert on magic all of a sudden?"

"No, but I remember Jane's mother telling her that. Relax, it'll be fine."

She then started reading from the book, and it really freaked the hell out of me because it was in a language I never heard before. Her back was to me, but to my wonderment, as she spoke her hair became darker starting at the roots, and then cascaded down to the ends like a waterfall. If I didn't see it with my own two eyes, I doubted I'd actually believe it. It was truly incredible.

When she was done reciting the spell, she grabbed a lock of her hair and looked at it. "It worked!" she said excitedly, and then turned around to see my reaction.

"Holy shit!" I said the moment we locked eyes; her hair wasn't the only thing that changed. "You're…_you_," I said while absently closing the distance between us and gently taking her face in my hands - her perfect _'Bella'_ face. "How did you do that?"

"You just say those words and think real hard about how you want to look, and it happens," she replied with a wide smile.

"What about the repercussion? What's the cost?" I asked concerned.

"Hmm," Bella said while taking a step back and looking over herself. "Shit, that mole was never there before," she said pointing at a spot on her arm. "I bet it's permanent. At least it's not on my face."

I smiled at her. "How long with this last for?"

"Uh…I think until I recite this reversal passage," she said before ripping the page out of the book and crumbling it. "I guess I'm stuck with this face now." She picked up the mirror again, and stared at her reflection for a minute. "I never particularly liked my face, but this is me."

"You have a beautiful face," I contradicted her. "The most beautiful face I've ever seen," I murmured before kissing her. The kiss quickly deepened, and Bella automatically started stripping…or at least she tried to. "How do I get this off?" she whined humorously.

I laughed lightly. "Here, let me do it…I've always been better at taking your clothes off than you anyway."

"Yeah, but those were modern clothes, these are like wearing a strait jacket," she joked.

As I tried untying her, I realized just how right she was. "Fuck, we may have to get help."

She giggle-cried. "I can't wait that long….just leave it on," she said before reaching under her dress and pulling down her underwear. "What the hell? These are like pants."

I laughed again. "I'm seriously going to miss miniskirts and lace underwear."

"I never wore a miniskirt, so I'm just going to pretend you didn't say that," she said while still wrestling with her bloomers.

"You didn't wear them, but I fully planned to buy you some," I joked.

"Stop talking and get to stripping," she insisted.

I chuckled again but otherwise complied. Getting myself undressed was far less difficult, and I was just about naked before Bella even got her second shoe off. I was sure we could have gotten her dress off eventually, but we were both extremely impatient, so the moment we got her undergarments off we were on.

Being in Jane's little cottage with Bella was definitely a trip, but the moment I was inside her everything else disappeared. It didn't matter where we were, or even when, as long as we were safely together nothing else could bring us down. But going from watching her die, to making love to her like that was definitely a whirlwind of emotions, and it was fucking exhausting, so after reaching an incredible climax, we tried to make ourselves comfortable and quickly fell asleep wrapped up together.

When I woke up some time later, I half expected to be back in Forks and discover it was all just a dream, but as I looked around the tiny room, I realized it was all very real. I looked down at Bella's peaceful form, and kissed her forehead before nuzzling back into her.

"Mmm," she purred while snuggling closer, but then she stiffened.

"What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

"I have to pee….please tell me there's toilet paper here and indoor plumbing?"

I laughed. "Come on, I'll show you what to do."

I pulled my pants on as she sat up slowly, but that was the moment we had an unwelcomed visitor…


End file.
